This week has been just a teeny bit nuts, in my opinion. Good at times, bad or sad at times, and nuts all the way through.
Tuesday afternoon I *finally* found a good block of time to work on the baby's room and put everything away from my shower last week. It felt wonderful, and I think it looks wonderful too, but I'll post photos later when it's more complete. For now, it's filling out (kind of like me...ha) I still have to fold my 2 loads of baby laundry, and then organize it by size, I'll probably do that this afternoon.
So then Tuesday evening we went for dinner at Matthew's parents' place and then headed over to the funeral home for the viewing. It was really strange to be there. Grandpa looked so different...his hair wasn't styled the way he usually did it, and it was just hard to believe that that was a real person's body, that Grandpa was dead, and that it wasn't some wax model from Tussaud's. I still picture Grandpa at home working away.
So being there was surreal and sad, especially when I saw how sad everyone else was. Then the other weird part was seeing so many people who we don't see very often, and needing to remind myself that we're in a funeral home and I can't talk loudly and that some conversations are a little out of place there. The best part was seeing Joel and Heidi. Their flight didn't make it in until 6, so the first we saw of them was when they showed up at the funeral home, and it was so exciting and happy that I felt a little guilty. Only a little though...mostly I was just thrilled to see them.
Then the next day was the funeral. We arrived at the church for 10am and greeted people for a bit. The service was held at our chapel, as the funeral home would not have been big enough for all those people. It was a wonderful service, and I love hearing the funny, kind, and stirring things Joel had to say about Grandpa. I SO miss when Joel would give talks, he's a natural orator.
After the service there was a luncheon in the gym with Grandpa's big band playing the music (something that also would not have gone over very well at the funeral home.) Then there was the small graveside service with the family, then Matt and I went home to see our poor, neglected little dog for a bit before we needed to head out again in the evening.
We spent a quiet evening with family at Matt's parents', and enjoyed having everyone all together for once. It's been a while! Joel and Heidi haven't both been back at the same time since they moved out east last August. At that point Aaron and Rachelle were in Arizona, so it's been over a year and half, and at that point Aaron and Rachelle weren't married yet. So it's pretty nice!
Then yesterday Matt worked and I went with Heidi and her mom to visit her sister in the GTA. It was nice to be out of the house for the day, and 100 times nicer to spend time with Heidi while she was here! I'm so sad they're gone now. But they're coming end of January, so we'll see them again in less than 2 months!
Anyway, last night was more dinner at Matt's parents' and more hanging out with family until I was too tired to stand it and we went home.
SO that was probably boring to anyone non-family! My apologies, but hey it's an update. I feel like I haven't been home all week, which is pretty accurate if you consider the last 2 days, so it's probably a good thing that I'm home today just so that my little dog has some constant company.
On the upside to all the down-ness of the last week, sleep has been better the last few nights! (insert a crowd of 1000 cheering Hollys right here...) I've been able to go 1 1/2 hours without waking up, which means less aching and less dreams. Here's hoping it keeps up without needing to take Tylenol religiously!
Also on the upside, I'm nearly 8 months pregnant. HOLY MOLY. Getting way too excited, and way too anxious. This last week has been wonderful in terms of getting my mind off the baby and having time pass way faster. Okay, so my mind hasn't been off of the baby completely, as so many people have been asking how I'm doing, but at least it's not days of sitting around home alone just thinking!
My whirlwind week caught up with me a bit this morning, however. I just felt wiped. I'm still feeling tired (despite the additional sleep I've been getting) and it's been a very emotional week. Grandpa dying, family drama, my aunt being sick in the hospital still (no change... :S), Joel and Heidi being here and now they're gone, and then feeling like January will never arrive all combined this morning, resulting in a melancholy mood and some shed tears (okay, so really it was copious amounts of shed tears...) BLAH! One of those moods, where I feel like canceling my plans with all and sundry, and staying in bed all day. Maybe I just need a Holly-day. Any suggestions as to what I could possibly DO on a Holly-day? And don't tell me to clean, or I just might cover your front doorstep in banana peels and wait in the bushes as I call you from my cell and tell you to come outside.
Seriously though, help! Help me think of something to do. That isn't my photography homework which happens to be piling up at an alarming rate, very reminiscent of this time of year in university. If you have any ideas, any at all, put them in the comments! Or if you've got some story or joke that will make me laugh. Those are always nice too.
Thanks a million times over (for the ideas which I'm positive you'll write) and for making it all the way to the bottom, despite my blue mood. :)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
A random thought
Two posts in one day??? **GASP**
I couldn't resist though. Elizabeth - this one's for you. You say you like putting voice to the random things you think and you appreciate when others do it to, so how's this one for you?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get into a public bathroom stall, but it seems impossible to get back out at times? It's like climbing up on to something, and finding the climbing up easier than the climbing down. Getting into a stall is easy, you just slip in and close the door. But when you're done, you suddenly realize that if you don't move it the door is going to beam you one or leave you sitting on the toilet just to get the blasted door open. And I'm not having this problem just because my belly is bigger than normal. It's always been an issue for me.
And while we're on the topic of public toilets, isn't the concept of stalls in a bathroom rather bizarre? It's sort of like you have your own personal little room, but in reality, you're just a bunch of people sitting down in one big big room relieving yourself all at the same time. WEIRD! But so normal because we're raised that way. I wonder if the queen has ever used a public washroom, and if she'd find it strange because she usually has her perfectly wallpapered room with a little boudoir and marble sink to wash her hands in. Hmm.
I won't carry on about such a taboo topic as relieving yourself, I just found it funny today when I encountered a door that I swear was much smaller when I entered the stall than when I exited it.
I couldn't resist though. Elizabeth - this one's for you. You say you like putting voice to the random things you think and you appreciate when others do it to, so how's this one for you?
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get into a public bathroom stall, but it seems impossible to get back out at times? It's like climbing up on to something, and finding the climbing up easier than the climbing down. Getting into a stall is easy, you just slip in and close the door. But when you're done, you suddenly realize that if you don't move it the door is going to beam you one or leave you sitting on the toilet just to get the blasted door open. And I'm not having this problem just because my belly is bigger than normal. It's always been an issue for me.
And while we're on the topic of public toilets, isn't the concept of stalls in a bathroom rather bizarre? It's sort of like you have your own personal little room, but in reality, you're just a bunch of people sitting down in one big big room relieving yourself all at the same time. WEIRD! But so normal because we're raised that way. I wonder if the queen has ever used a public washroom, and if she'd find it strange because she usually has her perfectly wallpapered room with a little boudoir and marble sink to wash her hands in. Hmm.
I won't carry on about such a taboo topic as relieving yourself, I just found it funny today when I encountered a door that I swear was much smaller when I entered the stall than when I exited it.
Dreams
This waking up every half hour from 4am on (yes, it lasted from 4-8am this morning) tends to produce some really strange dreams. I mean, we normally only remember the dreams we have as we're falling asleep and waking up, but as that's happening so often with me, I tend to remember a lot of them.
Here are some of the random things I can remember dreaming about last night:
-getting a sunburn
-going swimming
-working at a store and bringing someone to the checkout only to discover that the checkout is my bed and it's not made, and it made a bad impression on the customer. My manager was displeased.
-Matthew getting a magnetic nosering for some YM activity
-finding my big box of Turtles that normally costs 8.99 at Walmart on sale somewhere for $5. Excitement ensued.
Saturday night's sleep was nice though, because once I dreamed about walking around with the baby in my arms, and he was so sweet and perfect (except he just wouldn't stay swaddled.)
Anyway, there are the random dreams of me!
Here are some of the random things I can remember dreaming about last night:
-getting a sunburn
-going swimming
-working at a store and bringing someone to the checkout only to discover that the checkout is my bed and it's not made, and it made a bad impression on the customer. My manager was displeased.
-Matthew getting a magnetic nosering for some YM activity
-finding my big box of Turtles that normally costs 8.99 at Walmart on sale somewhere for $5. Excitement ensued.
Saturday night's sleep was nice though, because once I dreamed about walking around with the baby in my arms, and he was so sweet and perfect (except he just wouldn't stay swaddled.)
Anyway, there are the random dreams of me!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Our weekend in review
This blog is supposed to be about Matt and I, right? A blog about Holly G and Co., and not just Holly G. So this post will (mostly!) be just that.
This past weekend has been a semi-eventful affair. Friday Matt and I spent some time together and it was lovely. I somehow managed to convince him to take the afternoon off work and chill with me, and it was great. We pretty much just went to the mall to get his hair cut, and then drove to a theatre to see New Moon. I like the whole seeing movies on opening day thing, but as I can't stand the line-ups and tightly packed theatres, I usually opt for the earlier in the day show. This time we went for the 4pm one. Did I like the movie? No actually. I was rather disappointed, and I'm disappointed that I'm disappointed, because I had been anticipating it for quite some time. But oh well, you win some, you lose some. I won't say why I didn't like it, because I'm all for people forming their own opinion, but there. You at least have mine.
Afterwards we went home and relaxed for a bit and then went to Swiss Chalet with Dave and Farrah. Listened to them rant about the horrible portrait service that Sears offers and the ridiculous prices they charge, thought to myself, "I could do that for way cheaper..." and then enjoyed some delicious food. We went back to their place and just talked until we were tired and needed sleep, at which point we went home.
Saturday we had plans to leave at 10:45am or so so that we could go to the temple for the 1pm session. The plans got a little twisted and turned when we got a shocking phone call from Matt's mum saying that his grandfather had passed away that morning. It was unexpected, but not at the same time. He died very very quickly from a massive heart attack, and while that sort of thing is sudden, we had known for a while that his heart was having problems and that his health was failing. I mean, he was 80! We're sad about it, though it still hasn't quite sunk in. I'm going to miss his funny stories and sarcastic jokes. He was always a wit, and it was fun to watch Matt talking with him, because Matt would banter back and throw Grandpa off a little until he realized that Matt was giving him a dose of his own medicine.
Anyway, the funeral will be Wednesday, and while I'm very sad, is it terrible to be excited to see Joel and possibly Heidi for a few days? We haven't seen Joel since last December, and Heidi since March, and I miss them! I hope it's not terrible.
So then this weekend was Stake Conference. I managed to get all of my out-of-ward thank-you notes handed out (pretty jazzed about that) and enjoyed the conference messages and catching up with friends. Also, while Matt was at the priesthood leadership meeting on Saturday, I took the opportunity to go to the local Babies R Us to see if they had my diaper bag. They did (!!!) so I got it with the giftcard Farrah and Dee got for me (specifically for this ridiculously frivolous and oh-so-lovely diaper bag!) and I'm SO excited to use it. I think tomorrow when I start putting things away, I'll start packing it.
So conference was great, but this trouble-with-sleeping thing is really becoming an issue I think. There I am Saturday evening sitting in the pew and I already knew I was tired, but it hit me all at once just how beat I am. Matt was out in the hall at the time (massaging his silly restless feet that bug him from time to time) and my eyes started watering. I felt hot in the face and was worried I might fall over. I didn't really feel dizzy, I just felt like I was losing the fight to stay awake, and that my body was revolting against me for not just closing my eyes and flopping over like I so wanted to do. I was seconds away from getting up to find Matt (although I was doubting my ability to even walk at that point) when he came back and I just slumped into him. Apparently when he saw me my face was red, my eyes bloodshot, and I looked like a zombie. GREAT. I hope no-one else noticed. I cuddled up for the last 20 minutes of the meeting, perked up a bit, and then booted it out of there into the cool night air as soon as it was done. I felt better as soon as I got moving, but MAN. I've never felt tired like that before. I know, I know. It's probably just the beginning, right? But if feeling that tiredly unwell is going to be a constant experience, I'll switch to bottle feeding and split the bill with Matt. I don't think I could handle feeling like that all the time.
Here's the problem. The last couple nights I've been waking up every half hour from 4:30am until I get up, just to roll over. I drift off to sleep but then the aching in my back and legs wake me up, and I need to try the other side. Also, the baby has started kicking regularly around 4:30, which makes things interesting. He's facing my right side and kicking at those ribs, but as long as I'm on my right side it's not really a problem. But as soon as I'm scrunching that area by sleeping on my left side, I get painfully booted rather quickly, and lie awake just rubbing my side. Usually falling asleep isn't a problem because it doesn't hurt for the first little bit, but I tried napping today and the pain started immediately, and I got little sleep. A sleep deprived Holly is an unhappy, weepy Holly.
Anyway, so that's my issue right now. I think I'll start trying to sleep sitting up and see how that goes.
Sorry, I know that was some mighty complaining. It DOES suck big time, but I'm so glad there's an end in sight. I told Matt this morning that having the baby will seem like a walk in the park where night time feedings are concerned, because then I can at least sleep for 2 or 3 hours between feedings, instead of 30 minutes at most! It'll be good, and apart from the "I'm going to die I'm so tired" feeling I had last night, it's still pretty manageable.
OH. Here's something. Did I mention sneezing and peeing a little bit a few weeks ago? I've been hyper-vigilant in keeping it from happening again, but today I flicked Matt's ear (he was being way too facetious) and while struggling REALLY hard to keep from getting flicked back (struggling, screaming and laughing all the while) I pretty much slightly peed my pants. It wasn't bad, but it was enough to make me panic. So I've been a little edgy about Matt pushing me around and tickling me since.
I feel like I'm back to being 6 when I had a hard time controlling my bladder if I laughed too hard or was tickled too much.
Anyway, not too much else is new. I'm feeling a little concerned right now for my aunt who has the H1N1. She's in an I.C.U ward with it and double pneumonia and is on a respirator which is scary stuff, but I just keep telling myself that the respirator is to help, and that lots and lots of people are hospitalized for it and are just fine. It's strange though. I guess it's just hit rather close to home, and I'm even more grateful than I already was that Matthew and I are vaccinated.
Anyway, it's getting really late (for me. It's only 11:20...ha.) I think I'm procrastinating on going to bed because sleep is my frenemy right now and I just don't want to face it. Unless, of course, it's going to be nice to me, which is hasn't really been in at least a month. I think I'll take some tylenol right now, and maybe it'll be good tonight.
This past weekend has been a semi-eventful affair. Friday Matt and I spent some time together and it was lovely. I somehow managed to convince him to take the afternoon off work and chill with me, and it was great. We pretty much just went to the mall to get his hair cut, and then drove to a theatre to see New Moon. I like the whole seeing movies on opening day thing, but as I can't stand the line-ups and tightly packed theatres, I usually opt for the earlier in the day show. This time we went for the 4pm one. Did I like the movie? No actually. I was rather disappointed, and I'm disappointed that I'm disappointed, because I had been anticipating it for quite some time. But oh well, you win some, you lose some. I won't say why I didn't like it, because I'm all for people forming their own opinion, but there. You at least have mine.
Afterwards we went home and relaxed for a bit and then went to Swiss Chalet with Dave and Farrah. Listened to them rant about the horrible portrait service that Sears offers and the ridiculous prices they charge, thought to myself, "I could do that for way cheaper..." and then enjoyed some delicious food. We went back to their place and just talked until we were tired and needed sleep, at which point we went home.
Saturday we had plans to leave at 10:45am or so so that we could go to the temple for the 1pm session. The plans got a little twisted and turned when we got a shocking phone call from Matt's mum saying that his grandfather had passed away that morning. It was unexpected, but not at the same time. He died very very quickly from a massive heart attack, and while that sort of thing is sudden, we had known for a while that his heart was having problems and that his health was failing. I mean, he was 80! We're sad about it, though it still hasn't quite sunk in. I'm going to miss his funny stories and sarcastic jokes. He was always a wit, and it was fun to watch Matt talking with him, because Matt would banter back and throw Grandpa off a little until he realized that Matt was giving him a dose of his own medicine.
Anyway, the funeral will be Wednesday, and while I'm very sad, is it terrible to be excited to see Joel and possibly Heidi for a few days? We haven't seen Joel since last December, and Heidi since March, and I miss them! I hope it's not terrible.
So then this weekend was Stake Conference. I managed to get all of my out-of-ward thank-you notes handed out (pretty jazzed about that) and enjoyed the conference messages and catching up with friends. Also, while Matt was at the priesthood leadership meeting on Saturday, I took the opportunity to go to the local Babies R Us to see if they had my diaper bag. They did (!!!) so I got it with the giftcard Farrah and Dee got for me (specifically for this ridiculously frivolous and oh-so-lovely diaper bag!) and I'm SO excited to use it. I think tomorrow when I start putting things away, I'll start packing it.
So conference was great, but this trouble-with-sleeping thing is really becoming an issue I think. There I am Saturday evening sitting in the pew and I already knew I was tired, but it hit me all at once just how beat I am. Matt was out in the hall at the time (massaging his silly restless feet that bug him from time to time) and my eyes started watering. I felt hot in the face and was worried I might fall over. I didn't really feel dizzy, I just felt like I was losing the fight to stay awake, and that my body was revolting against me for not just closing my eyes and flopping over like I so wanted to do. I was seconds away from getting up to find Matt (although I was doubting my ability to even walk at that point) when he came back and I just slumped into him. Apparently when he saw me my face was red, my eyes bloodshot, and I looked like a zombie. GREAT. I hope no-one else noticed. I cuddled up for the last 20 minutes of the meeting, perked up a bit, and then booted it out of there into the cool night air as soon as it was done. I felt better as soon as I got moving, but MAN. I've never felt tired like that before. I know, I know. It's probably just the beginning, right? But if feeling that tiredly unwell is going to be a constant experience, I'll switch to bottle feeding and split the bill with Matt. I don't think I could handle feeling like that all the time.
Here's the problem. The last couple nights I've been waking up every half hour from 4:30am until I get up, just to roll over. I drift off to sleep but then the aching in my back and legs wake me up, and I need to try the other side. Also, the baby has started kicking regularly around 4:30, which makes things interesting. He's facing my right side and kicking at those ribs, but as long as I'm on my right side it's not really a problem. But as soon as I'm scrunching that area by sleeping on my left side, I get painfully booted rather quickly, and lie awake just rubbing my side. Usually falling asleep isn't a problem because it doesn't hurt for the first little bit, but I tried napping today and the pain started immediately, and I got little sleep. A sleep deprived Holly is an unhappy, weepy Holly.
Anyway, so that's my issue right now. I think I'll start trying to sleep sitting up and see how that goes.
Sorry, I know that was some mighty complaining. It DOES suck big time, but I'm so glad there's an end in sight. I told Matt this morning that having the baby will seem like a walk in the park where night time feedings are concerned, because then I can at least sleep for 2 or 3 hours between feedings, instead of 30 minutes at most! It'll be good, and apart from the "I'm going to die I'm so tired" feeling I had last night, it's still pretty manageable.
OH. Here's something. Did I mention sneezing and peeing a little bit a few weeks ago? I've been hyper-vigilant in keeping it from happening again, but today I flicked Matt's ear (he was being way too facetious) and while struggling REALLY hard to keep from getting flicked back (struggling, screaming and laughing all the while) I pretty much slightly peed my pants. It wasn't bad, but it was enough to make me panic. So I've been a little edgy about Matt pushing me around and tickling me since.
I feel like I'm back to being 6 when I had a hard time controlling my bladder if I laughed too hard or was tickled too much.
Anyway, not too much else is new. I'm feeling a little concerned right now for my aunt who has the H1N1. She's in an I.C.U ward with it and double pneumonia and is on a respirator which is scary stuff, but I just keep telling myself that the respirator is to help, and that lots and lots of people are hospitalized for it and are just fine. It's strange though. I guess it's just hit rather close to home, and I'm even more grateful than I already was that Matthew and I are vaccinated.
Anyway, it's getting really late (for me. It's only 11:20...ha.) I think I'm procrastinating on going to bed because sleep is my frenemy right now and I just don't want to face it. Unless, of course, it's going to be nice to me, which is hasn't really been in at least a month. I think I'll take some tylenol right now, and maybe it'll be good tonight.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Oh baby I love your ways
Phew! These last two days have been B-U-S-Y. And mostly all baby-busy, just as a warning! I'm just going to recap the day as it happened so I don't miss anything.
For starters (by the way, isn't that a funny phrase?) yesterday morning I had a midwife appointment at 9:30. It went well, though I can't think of too much that we talked about. Strep B a bit, me having cabin fever, how swollen my feet are (they're perma-swollen, even first thing in the morning) roughly how big the baby is at this point (3.5-4lb's!) how big I'm measuring (1 cm ahead of where I should be, which is pretty consistent for me), the position of the baby (still head-down) and so on. We listened to his heart beat mixed with feedback from him kicking and shifting around, which he was doing a lot. The morning is his most active time anyway, but he started wriggling everywhere when the midwife couldn't tell what position he was in right away. She had to push around a lot before being sure, and he and I didn't like it much apparently!
Then, right after my midwife appointment I picked up Matt and went for my 3D ultrasound. It was GREAT! I'd do it again with future pregnancies (should I be so incredibly blessed) and I'd recommend it to everyone. Apparently next week is the last time I could have gone and had decent photos of Elijah because he's quickly running out of room. If I'd known that I would have booked sooner, because he was being a little difficult at first, and I wouldn't have been able to reschedule. I was waiting until I was further along to go, though, because I figured then he'd have filled out more and looked more like how he will when he comes out.
For the first 15 minutes of the session he had his hands and one foot around his face and it was difficult to get a good photo of him (even though I personally thought the little hands were adorable!)
We also got this sequence of photos taken one after the other which, if put together, creates some sortof video. It looks a bit like stop motion, but here's the video:
Overall, it cost $125 for the session, a dvd of the session, and about 110 photos on a cd, plus one that they printed out for us. Not bad, in my opinion, considering how amazing it was to see more than just a silhouette on the screen. He seems so REAL now, and yet at the same time I feel like I'm waiting for someone to pop up and say that this has all been a very elaborately staged ruse. Denial, I know.
So after that we drove back, had lunch, I ran some errands that involved a new blender, the first Christmas present purchase of the season, and some new maternity pants and pj's, and then I came home. I started to write a blog post, but realized that I wanted to develop some photos and that it'd take time to get through them all. Then I called Matt's mum to tell her I was bringing some photos by after my Primary presidency meet that evening, talked to Aaron and found out he and Rachelle are (most likely) having a girl (YAY!) and then was late picking Matt up for dinner. We got home, made dinner quickly, ate, tidied, and then I drove Matt to Dave and Farrah's, and then I did some more running around. I picked up my photos from Walmart, grabbed Aaron and Rachelle a very pink congratulatory present, wrapped it in the car, and then headed over to Matt's mum's to drop off the photos. No-one was home, and I was sad, but reminded myself that I DID tell her I'd be by after my meeting and not before. I knocked on Aaron and Rachelle's door and opened it because there were lights on, but no-one was home, so I left the gift on a table for them.
Then I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do. It was only shortly after 7 and my meeting wasn't until 7:30, but as I didn't have time to do anything else, I drove to the chapel and figured I'd sit around for the 20 minutes until Dianna and Janine got there.
When I arrived at the chapel I was surprised by the number of cars there. At first I thought it must be an elder's quorum activity, but then I noticed some cars that women drove. I saw Janine looking through the far door looking not entirely amused, and I must confess, I was convinced that Relief Society had failed to get the announcements to us down in Primary, and that some activity was going on that we had never even been told about. In my own (judgmental) defense, they really are bad at getting us the announcements, though it had not yet gone as far as an activity not even being mentioned. I was upset to say the least, and decided to go in through that door rather than Janine's so that I could see what was going on.
I grab my stuff, go to the door and walk in only to notice the RS door covered in little blue booties and streamers.
Yes, that's right, I had been completely duped, and I was so unsuspicious that I didn't know until they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" what was going on (despite the LARGE number of vehicles in the parking lot!) They were good. VERY sneaky and good. My shower at the chapel wasn't supposed to be until the following Wednesday!
So I was kind of right, in the end. There really WAS an activity involving RS sisters that I hadn't been informed of...hahaha. When I saw Dianna, she said we'll have our meeting next week, seeing as I'm obviously free for then.
So anyway, it was a lot of fun! I got a little emotional and red in the face from surprise and embarassment when I walked in; I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't really taking any faces in. And there were so many people there! It was beautiful and fun and I was so happy to see all of my friends there. We played games, socialized, ate good food, and I opened my presents with the help of two 4-year-olds who were so eager to rip and tear things that I had to be hyper-vigilant and make sure they didn't rush ahead of me. As soon as I opened something they'd have something else in my lap before I could admire what I had just received! It was cute though, and they kept me on my toes and within a good time limit.
Everything was so amazing, and I feel so incredibly blessed by such good friends and family.
Now, the reason I haven't posted anything until now, almost 11pm the next day, is because I did something that I think was pretty smart today. We unloaded the car and put everything onto and around the couch in the living room. Every bag had the corresponding card with it, and so as I unloaded each back and organized it, I wrote the thank-you card, so that I didn't forget what the specific gift looked like (I mean, how descriptive can "blue sleeper" be, when your whole laundry basket is blue???) It took me FOREVER and my head felt fried, but between that and spending 2 hr's on the phone talking with my sister, mom and Farrah today, I finished all 34 thank-you cards by 7:45 pm this evening!!! Am I proud? OHHHHH just a little. See, it took me almost 6 months to get out my wedding thank-you cards, and after that long, you kindof lose heart. It was great doing it this way though, because it was like opening each gift all over again, and I was really truly thankful with each TY card I wrote.
I'm also proud because it had been my goal to have these all done before the family shower on Dec. 5th, and that's still 2 weeks away! AH I'm so relieved and excited.
Anyway, that has been my day, or last 2 days. They've been beyond excellent, and the only things that could have changed for the better would be if my sister and mom could have been there last night, and if my feet hadn't swollen up more than they ever had, to the point where they felt numb.
And now I believe it is time to get this thoroughly exhausted Holly to bed.
For starters (by the way, isn't that a funny phrase?) yesterday morning I had a midwife appointment at 9:30. It went well, though I can't think of too much that we talked about. Strep B a bit, me having cabin fever, how swollen my feet are (they're perma-swollen, even first thing in the morning) roughly how big the baby is at this point (3.5-4lb's!) how big I'm measuring (1 cm ahead of where I should be, which is pretty consistent for me), the position of the baby (still head-down) and so on. We listened to his heart beat mixed with feedback from him kicking and shifting around, which he was doing a lot. The morning is his most active time anyway, but he started wriggling everywhere when the midwife couldn't tell what position he was in right away. She had to push around a lot before being sure, and he and I didn't like it much apparently!
Then, right after my midwife appointment I picked up Matt and went for my 3D ultrasound. It was GREAT! I'd do it again with future pregnancies (should I be so incredibly blessed) and I'd recommend it to everyone. Apparently next week is the last time I could have gone and had decent photos of Elijah because he's quickly running out of room. If I'd known that I would have booked sooner, because he was being a little difficult at first, and I wouldn't have been able to reschedule. I was waiting until I was further along to go, though, because I figured then he'd have filled out more and looked more like how he will when he comes out.
For the first 15 minutes of the session he had his hands and one foot around his face and it was difficult to get a good photo of him (even though I personally thought the little hands were adorable!)
I was a little worried though because it was only supposed to be a 30 minute session. We ended up going 10 minutes over, free-of-charge, which I thought was super nice. The good little boy started co-operating and we got some of our best photos in that extra 10 minutes.
Oh, and we got a gender confirmation, and Elijah IS, indeed, a "he." Like, if there were any doubts in our minds before then, there couldn't possibly be after yesterday. Why? Because you could see detail, contour and all! For the sake of not embarassing him and having the photos come back to haunt him on his wedding day, I won't post the proof on here, but boy, what a boy!
We also got this sequence of photos taken one after the other which, if put together, creates some sortof video. It looks a bit like stop motion, but here's the video:
Overall, it cost $125 for the session, a dvd of the session, and about 110 photos on a cd, plus one that they printed out for us. Not bad, in my opinion, considering how amazing it was to see more than just a silhouette on the screen. He seems so REAL now, and yet at the same time I feel like I'm waiting for someone to pop up and say that this has all been a very elaborately staged ruse. Denial, I know.
So after that we drove back, had lunch, I ran some errands that involved a new blender, the first Christmas present purchase of the season, and some new maternity pants and pj's, and then I came home. I started to write a blog post, but realized that I wanted to develop some photos and that it'd take time to get through them all. Then I called Matt's mum to tell her I was bringing some photos by after my Primary presidency meet that evening, talked to Aaron and found out he and Rachelle are (most likely) having a girl (YAY!) and then was late picking Matt up for dinner. We got home, made dinner quickly, ate, tidied, and then I drove Matt to Dave and Farrah's, and then I did some more running around. I picked up my photos from Walmart, grabbed Aaron and Rachelle a very pink congratulatory present, wrapped it in the car, and then headed over to Matt's mum's to drop off the photos. No-one was home, and I was sad, but reminded myself that I DID tell her I'd be by after my meeting and not before. I knocked on Aaron and Rachelle's door and opened it because there were lights on, but no-one was home, so I left the gift on a table for them.
Then I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do. It was only shortly after 7 and my meeting wasn't until 7:30, but as I didn't have time to do anything else, I drove to the chapel and figured I'd sit around for the 20 minutes until Dianna and Janine got there.
When I arrived at the chapel I was surprised by the number of cars there. At first I thought it must be an elder's quorum activity, but then I noticed some cars that women drove. I saw Janine looking through the far door looking not entirely amused, and I must confess, I was convinced that Relief Society had failed to get the announcements to us down in Primary, and that some activity was going on that we had never even been told about. In my own (judgmental) defense, they really are bad at getting us the announcements, though it had not yet gone as far as an activity not even being mentioned. I was upset to say the least, and decided to go in through that door rather than Janine's so that I could see what was going on.
I grab my stuff, go to the door and walk in only to notice the RS door covered in little blue booties and streamers.
Yes, that's right, I had been completely duped, and I was so unsuspicious that I didn't know until they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" what was going on (despite the LARGE number of vehicles in the parking lot!) They were good. VERY sneaky and good. My shower at the chapel wasn't supposed to be until the following Wednesday!
So I was kind of right, in the end. There really WAS an activity involving RS sisters that I hadn't been informed of...hahaha. When I saw Dianna, she said we'll have our meeting next week, seeing as I'm obviously free for then.
So anyway, it was a lot of fun! I got a little emotional and red in the face from surprise and embarassment when I walked in; I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't really taking any faces in. And there were so many people there! It was beautiful and fun and I was so happy to see all of my friends there. We played games, socialized, ate good food, and I opened my presents with the help of two 4-year-olds who were so eager to rip and tear things that I had to be hyper-vigilant and make sure they didn't rush ahead of me. As soon as I opened something they'd have something else in my lap before I could admire what I had just received! It was cute though, and they kept me on my toes and within a good time limit.
Everything was so amazing, and I feel so incredibly blessed by such good friends and family.
Now, the reason I haven't posted anything until now, almost 11pm the next day, is because I did something that I think was pretty smart today. We unloaded the car and put everything onto and around the couch in the living room. Every bag had the corresponding card with it, and so as I unloaded each back and organized it, I wrote the thank-you card, so that I didn't forget what the specific gift looked like (I mean, how descriptive can "blue sleeper" be, when your whole laundry basket is blue???) It took me FOREVER and my head felt fried, but between that and spending 2 hr's on the phone talking with my sister, mom and Farrah today, I finished all 34 thank-you cards by 7:45 pm this evening!!! Am I proud? OHHHHH just a little. See, it took me almost 6 months to get out my wedding thank-you cards, and after that long, you kindof lose heart. It was great doing it this way though, because it was like opening each gift all over again, and I was really truly thankful with each TY card I wrote.
I'm also proud because it had been my goal to have these all done before the family shower on Dec. 5th, and that's still 2 weeks away! AH I'm so relieved and excited.
Anyway, that has been my day, or last 2 days. They've been beyond excellent, and the only things that could have changed for the better would be if my sister and mom could have been there last night, and if my feet hadn't swollen up more than they ever had, to the point where they felt numb.
And now I believe it is time to get this thoroughly exhausted Holly to bed.
Monday, November 16, 2009
A bad dream, a good day
Last night I had a really really crummy dream. It's completely put me in a mood for the day, and I just want to vent about it for a bit.
I can't really remember the details, there are a lot of images going through my mind, but basically what happened was I had the baby. He was little and beautiful and perfect, and then I passed him into the arms of another. They were adopting him, and I felt calm and peaceful about it at first, like it was what should happen. Then I was sitting around the next day, talking with a friend of mine who had also placed their baby for adoption, and it hit me. HARD. I started panicking, I needed to find my baby NOW, and what on earth had I been thinking? My friend was sympathetic, she knew that the reality of it would hit after-the-fact, and she knew what I was going through, but I was just losing it. In the dream the baby's father wasn't Matt, but I was married to him still, and that had been part of the reason I was placing the baby, but then I realized, "But I'm married! We've been trying, and I just had a baby! Why is he gone? I don't get it..." I knew I needed him back with me, but I was confused, because I knew I'd be taking him from someone else, and I didn't want to hurt them. I just needed my baby. I didn't know what to do or where to find Matthew.
I started wandering around my hometown, looking for Matt everywhere so that I could talk with him, and by that point the dream had changed so that Matt WAS the father, and I needed to talk with him before the 30-day wait was up and we couldn't change our minds any more. I kept looking and looking and was starting to grow desperate and depressed, when finally I found Matt and I started frantically talking to him about it, but he didn't seem to to be listening, he just kept talking about business stuff and people waiting to get their residency cards or something stupid like that.
And then I woke up.
It's funny because I'm awake, the dream wasn't real, and the baby is fine, and yet I can't shake it. I was sitting in bed, hugging my pillow and crying to Matt (more like sobbing, really) and I just didn't have motivation to go anywhere or do anything. I didn't want to get up and have breakfast because after that I knew Matt would be leaving to go to work and I'd be left sitting around alone. Staying wrapped up in blankets just seemed like a better idea. I had (and still have) no idea what I was going to do today, because I cleaned the house all day Saturday and felt absolutely no motivation to go take pictures, work on photoshop, read my books, or do anything at all. 2 months is feeling like an eternity.
I did get up and eat, but I've just been walking around like a zombie all morning. I took a nap for an hour so I don't feel as tired, but I still feel directionless. All I really feel like doing is baby-related stuff, like getting my rocking chair and putting it together (manual labour sounds great and distracting right now) but it's expensive and I've registered for it. I can't think of any baby stuff I could possibly do right now, so I'm going a little crazy. I feel like I either need to do everything baby, or nothing at all, and blow this popsicle stand for a few days just to get my mind off of things. But that's not really an option either because we have classes, a midwife appointment, my 3D ultrasound (how I wish it was today...) and then stake conference this coming weekend. I'm almost at the point where they wouldn't let me on a plane, so anywhere we'd go would have to be in driving distance, and I can't think of anywhere to go.
Sorry, I know I'm complaining a lot, I'm just having a lot of trouble bucking up and smiling today.
So, you might be wondering how on earth the title of this post could be called "A bad dream, a GOOD day", but there IS a reason for it. Today, as in November 16th, 2009, hasn't been a good day, but today is 7 years since I was introduced to the church, and THAT was a good day. A great day. One of the best, I'd say.
I'll explain a little (or a lot, depending on how much my fingers and thoughts run away with me...) I was 18. A few months previously I had been sitting around with a couple friends talking about religion, and I had decided that it wasn't for me. The scriptures talked about how God was jealous and was always doing all these things to punish people, and I just couldn't love a God like that. I was happier without all the guilt, and the struggles to feel the spirit and never succeeding. I felt like God couldn't love me. A week previously I had ended a completely crummy and depressing relationship after I lost it, drank too much, and told the guy I cared about that I hated that he was going to join the army, and wasn't I enough to make him want to stay. I swore I'd never drink again (true story, and I never did). In short, I was feeling worthless, unloved, and unimportant.
Then I went to a highschool debate for the weekend (nerdy, I know. Don't get me started.) I had made a friend at these debates a couple years previously, but we never managed to keep in touch afterwards. Well, at this debate, I was surprised to find that he was in the same council as me (200 kids there, numerous councils, and he is in the same small, 10-person council as me.) Not only that, but we were going to be sitting next to eachother, as the councils were arranged alphabetically, and he was Russia, I was Syria. We talked a lot, and decided to blow off the dance and hang out the Saturday evening because I didn't know anyone else at the dance or debate who was older than 14, and the idea of dancing with a bunch of 9th graders was kind of ridiculous to me.
We wound up in an empty McDonalds, and I vented to him about how stupid religion was. He didn't agree. He said he was Mormon, and he told me about some of his beliefs. Now, I have a tendency to make conclusions based on little to no knowledge about a subject (foolish, I know) but I'm willing to listen to someone who knows something more about it than I do, and learn from them. So I had closed myself off to religion, but here was someone who knew better, and I listened to what he had to say. I don't remember everything we talked about, but I do remember telling him about how messed up and hazy the definitions of Heaven and Hell were, and how it didn't make sense. Surely there are people in between, who don't fit in either place? He agreed with what I said, and told me about the 3 degrees of glory and outer darkness. It was all so new to me, but I felt something so strongly as we talked. Something I had only felt once before and that had been snuffed out as quickly as it came. I felt the spirit. I knew what he was saying was true, because I could feel it with every part of me. I was excited and wanted to learn more.
He had to go home that night because, instead of staying for the end of the debate the next day, he was going to church. While I was driving home that Sunday afternoon, I kept my eyes closed and listened to the other people in the van say I was asleep. I was happier about that because then I could just think. I thought about how my life was going, and how unhappy I had been, without completely realizing it before. I knew I wanted to make it better, and I resolved to start then and there. This might sound silly, but my first resolve was to stop swearing. I just didn't think it was something my friend would do, or that I should do either, but it was a big concession to make for me, because I listened to a lot of punk music and actually really enjoyed the parts where the singer put especial emphasis on a swear word. So there, that was my first step.
That night I talked on the phone with my friend, and he told me about the Book of Mormon. I wanted one, so that I could start reading it and learning more, and, once again, I felt the spirit. I don't think I had really stopped feeling it since the night before, and I felt so much peace. I had been going to church since I was in grade 5, always with friends, and always different churches (I counted once, I think I had been to at least 4 different ones regularly, and probably another 4 sporadically.) Until I was introduced I had been going to church with some good friends for more than 2 years. I liked going because it was fun, but I struggled to feel anything when I was there. I remember going to a camp one time and crying my eyes out because everybody was happy and saying how they felt the spirit and all I felt was emptiness. I didn't know it at the time, but I was looking for the church where I would be able to feel like I had come home, and that Heavenly Father really did know and love me like I had been told.
2 weeks after I had talked with my friend, I went to his church for the first time. It wasn't what I had pictured, but the difference between how I felt there and how I had felt anywhere else was like night and day. Where before I had been frustrated, felt isolated, and uncomfortable, there, and for the first time, I felt happy, hopeful and excited. The words spoken felt right, and I knew I had found the truth. I decided just 3 weeks after talking with my friend that I wanted to be baptized. I faced some opposition when it came to this decision, but I felt that after waiting, searching so long, and being so unhappy, that I didn't want to wait any more, and that I needed and was ready to make that step. In January of 2003 I was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It hasn't always been easy since that point; goodness knows I'm so far from perfect that it's laughable. But I am amazed at how different my life is right now from how it could have been. I had no motivation to improve myself and be a kinder person than I was. The thought of doing so had never even crossed my mind. I was a complete snob at times, and not the greatest of friends (not saying I am NOW either, but if you only knew...ha) I used to get depressed at times, and while getting out of a funk is still something I struggle with, I shudder to think of how I would cope with life challenges without the eternal perspective of the gospel, the absolute knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father, and the gift of the Holy Ghost to strengthen me when I am weak and weary.
I can't really remember the details, there are a lot of images going through my mind, but basically what happened was I had the baby. He was little and beautiful and perfect, and then I passed him into the arms of another. They were adopting him, and I felt calm and peaceful about it at first, like it was what should happen. Then I was sitting around the next day, talking with a friend of mine who had also placed their baby for adoption, and it hit me. HARD. I started panicking, I needed to find my baby NOW, and what on earth had I been thinking? My friend was sympathetic, she knew that the reality of it would hit after-the-fact, and she knew what I was going through, but I was just losing it. In the dream the baby's father wasn't Matt, but I was married to him still, and that had been part of the reason I was placing the baby, but then I realized, "But I'm married! We've been trying, and I just had a baby! Why is he gone? I don't get it..." I knew I needed him back with me, but I was confused, because I knew I'd be taking him from someone else, and I didn't want to hurt them. I just needed my baby. I didn't know what to do or where to find Matthew.
I started wandering around my hometown, looking for Matt everywhere so that I could talk with him, and by that point the dream had changed so that Matt WAS the father, and I needed to talk with him before the 30-day wait was up and we couldn't change our minds any more. I kept looking and looking and was starting to grow desperate and depressed, when finally I found Matt and I started frantically talking to him about it, but he didn't seem to to be listening, he just kept talking about business stuff and people waiting to get their residency cards or something stupid like that.
And then I woke up.
It's funny because I'm awake, the dream wasn't real, and the baby is fine, and yet I can't shake it. I was sitting in bed, hugging my pillow and crying to Matt (more like sobbing, really) and I just didn't have motivation to go anywhere or do anything. I didn't want to get up and have breakfast because after that I knew Matt would be leaving to go to work and I'd be left sitting around alone. Staying wrapped up in blankets just seemed like a better idea. I had (and still have) no idea what I was going to do today, because I cleaned the house all day Saturday and felt absolutely no motivation to go take pictures, work on photoshop, read my books, or do anything at all. 2 months is feeling like an eternity.
I did get up and eat, but I've just been walking around like a zombie all morning. I took a nap for an hour so I don't feel as tired, but I still feel directionless. All I really feel like doing is baby-related stuff, like getting my rocking chair and putting it together (manual labour sounds great and distracting right now) but it's expensive and I've registered for it. I can't think of any baby stuff I could possibly do right now, so I'm going a little crazy. I feel like I either need to do everything baby, or nothing at all, and blow this popsicle stand for a few days just to get my mind off of things. But that's not really an option either because we have classes, a midwife appointment, my 3D ultrasound (how I wish it was today...) and then stake conference this coming weekend. I'm almost at the point where they wouldn't let me on a plane, so anywhere we'd go would have to be in driving distance, and I can't think of anywhere to go.
Sorry, I know I'm complaining a lot, I'm just having a lot of trouble bucking up and smiling today.
So, you might be wondering how on earth the title of this post could be called "A bad dream, a GOOD day", but there IS a reason for it. Today, as in November 16th, 2009, hasn't been a good day, but today is 7 years since I was introduced to the church, and THAT was a good day. A great day. One of the best, I'd say.
I'll explain a little (or a lot, depending on how much my fingers and thoughts run away with me...) I was 18. A few months previously I had been sitting around with a couple friends talking about religion, and I had decided that it wasn't for me. The scriptures talked about how God was jealous and was always doing all these things to punish people, and I just couldn't love a God like that. I was happier without all the guilt, and the struggles to feel the spirit and never succeeding. I felt like God couldn't love me. A week previously I had ended a completely crummy and depressing relationship after I lost it, drank too much, and told the guy I cared about that I hated that he was going to join the army, and wasn't I enough to make him want to stay. I swore I'd never drink again (true story, and I never did). In short, I was feeling worthless, unloved, and unimportant.
Then I went to a highschool debate for the weekend (nerdy, I know. Don't get me started.) I had made a friend at these debates a couple years previously, but we never managed to keep in touch afterwards. Well, at this debate, I was surprised to find that he was in the same council as me (200 kids there, numerous councils, and he is in the same small, 10-person council as me.) Not only that, but we were going to be sitting next to eachother, as the councils were arranged alphabetically, and he was Russia, I was Syria. We talked a lot, and decided to blow off the dance and hang out the Saturday evening because I didn't know anyone else at the dance or debate who was older than 14, and the idea of dancing with a bunch of 9th graders was kind of ridiculous to me.
We wound up in an empty McDonalds, and I vented to him about how stupid religion was. He didn't agree. He said he was Mormon, and he told me about some of his beliefs. Now, I have a tendency to make conclusions based on little to no knowledge about a subject (foolish, I know) but I'm willing to listen to someone who knows something more about it than I do, and learn from them. So I had closed myself off to religion, but here was someone who knew better, and I listened to what he had to say. I don't remember everything we talked about, but I do remember telling him about how messed up and hazy the definitions of Heaven and Hell were, and how it didn't make sense. Surely there are people in between, who don't fit in either place? He agreed with what I said, and told me about the 3 degrees of glory and outer darkness. It was all so new to me, but I felt something so strongly as we talked. Something I had only felt once before and that had been snuffed out as quickly as it came. I felt the spirit. I knew what he was saying was true, because I could feel it with every part of me. I was excited and wanted to learn more.
He had to go home that night because, instead of staying for the end of the debate the next day, he was going to church. While I was driving home that Sunday afternoon, I kept my eyes closed and listened to the other people in the van say I was asleep. I was happier about that because then I could just think. I thought about how my life was going, and how unhappy I had been, without completely realizing it before. I knew I wanted to make it better, and I resolved to start then and there. This might sound silly, but my first resolve was to stop swearing. I just didn't think it was something my friend would do, or that I should do either, but it was a big concession to make for me, because I listened to a lot of punk music and actually really enjoyed the parts where the singer put especial emphasis on a swear word. So there, that was my first step.
That night I talked on the phone with my friend, and he told me about the Book of Mormon. I wanted one, so that I could start reading it and learning more, and, once again, I felt the spirit. I don't think I had really stopped feeling it since the night before, and I felt so much peace. I had been going to church since I was in grade 5, always with friends, and always different churches (I counted once, I think I had been to at least 4 different ones regularly, and probably another 4 sporadically.) Until I was introduced I had been going to church with some good friends for more than 2 years. I liked going because it was fun, but I struggled to feel anything when I was there. I remember going to a camp one time and crying my eyes out because everybody was happy and saying how they felt the spirit and all I felt was emptiness. I didn't know it at the time, but I was looking for the church where I would be able to feel like I had come home, and that Heavenly Father really did know and love me like I had been told.
2 weeks after I had talked with my friend, I went to his church for the first time. It wasn't what I had pictured, but the difference between how I felt there and how I had felt anywhere else was like night and day. Where before I had been frustrated, felt isolated, and uncomfortable, there, and for the first time, I felt happy, hopeful and excited. The words spoken felt right, and I knew I had found the truth. I decided just 3 weeks after talking with my friend that I wanted to be baptized. I faced some opposition when it came to this decision, but I felt that after waiting, searching so long, and being so unhappy, that I didn't want to wait any more, and that I needed and was ready to make that step. In January of 2003 I was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It hasn't always been easy since that point; goodness knows I'm so far from perfect that it's laughable. But I am amazed at how different my life is right now from how it could have been. I had no motivation to improve myself and be a kinder person than I was. The thought of doing so had never even crossed my mind. I was a complete snob at times, and not the greatest of friends (not saying I am NOW either, but if you only knew...ha) I used to get depressed at times, and while getting out of a funk is still something I struggle with, I shudder to think of how I would cope with life challenges without the eternal perspective of the gospel, the absolute knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father, and the gift of the Holy Ghost to strengthen me when I am weak and weary.
So in conclusion, yes, November 16th, 2002 was a great day for me. One of the best, as I said before. And you know what? Remembering all these things has helped, even if only marginally, to make November 16th, 2009 be a better day too. It might even turn out to be a good day afterall.
Photo by Mark Mabry
Photo by Mark MabryThursday, November 12, 2009
Road trip!
I went on a bit of a road trip today with Matt and Dave. Lately Matt has been working on the off-line retail aspect of the business, and trying to get the store to really grow and not just be a "front" as I like to call it. See, in order to be a retailer of a lot of the products he wants to sell online, he has to have a"brick and mortar" location, or in other words, he needs to have a physical store in the off-line world as well. The hobby world is sorely behind when it comes to the future of the retail industry, and how much of it has shifted to the online market, and they're extremely wary and unsupportive of people who only sell online. They feel like they're being gypped somehow.
So anyway, Matt rented out some space in his building and dressed the club up to look like a store so that he could get a trade licence with all these different companies, but really he makes his money online.
Then recently he decided that instead on breaking even with the extra rented space he decided to make something of it and work to get it off the ground and to establish the business here in our little city. One of the ways he decided to do this was to drive around to all the stores like it within a 1-2 hour radius of here to get ideas and see how they did things (I mentioned this in the last post I think.)
It was, surprisingly, a lot of fun! Granted, I didn't go in to many of the store. In fact, I only went in to the first two which were Games Workshop (in a mall, so hurrah!) and Ikea. Other than that I just stayed in the car reading my new book which I am enjoying GREATLY (more to come later.) It was nice though. Matt asked, "Are you disappointed about the day, because you decided to just stay in the car and read?" and I told him I absolutely was not, because I would never feel so good about myself if I sat at HOME and read all day, but in the car it was a different story. It was nice to be out, to zone in and out of Matt and Dave's conversations at the most ridiculous times, and to not have so many things to do that I can't choose one and so don't do any (I work like that sometimes, much to my detriment.)
Here's something that sucked about the day but turned out pretty nicely in the end: when I got out of the car at the first stop we made, I took two steps and my flip flop broke. I was pretty excited about wearing flip flops in November, but at that moment I was insta-angry. Mostly because these sandals have been my lifeline lately, and I just didn't know what to do. As most of you probably know, it is **impossible** to walk with a broken flip flop. But I couldn't just take it off because, being mid-November, the ground is pretty darn cold (and dirty, and I'm a girly-girl), so there I was, dragging my foot like some gimp just to keep the shoe underneath my foot. And all Matt and Dave could do was laugh at how ridiculous I looked! It was rather funny though, I must admit. It didn't help that Matt parked at the wrong end of the mall, and I had to walk the whole length of it before we could get to Games Workshop, and the Payless across the hall from it.
But it worked out in the end, because Payless was having a buy 1 get 1 half off sale, so I bought a pair of brown clogs (9 1/2...not impressed! But apparently I can look forward to that from now on. It's better than the 10 that I bought a few weeks ago. And really, it's not such a bad thing. So my shoe size changes. So what?) and I also bought a pair of cute black flats for church, which were 9W. Matthew teased me about buying 2 pairs, but it made sense really, because I wore these flip flops to church (irreverent, I know! Hahaha) and now they're gone. SAD!
Other than that, the day was uneventful. Oh wait, not completely uneventful. How can I post about our road trip without posting about the woman who was hitting on Matt and Dave so hard that I was a little alarmed??? I wasn't actually there, but they were laughing for a good 10 minutes after they left the store. Here's how it happened. Owner of the store is an older woman (not OLD, just oldER. Than us. Like late 40's maybe) and she's clearly a bit of a cougar (**aside** why do we call woman who like younger guys cougars? Do female cougars always mate with younger male cougars? I wanna know.) Dave said something looked cool, and that automatically meant he wanted to buy it (right??) so she kept pushing it on him and decided to get it down to show him, only she couldn't reach it, so Matt being tall offered to get it, but it was harder than just grabbing it down because it was attached to the wall (it was a 300 shield, like from the movie), so she offered to get the ladder to make it easier, and while Matt was on his way up, she decided it would be helpful to hold him up by his butt. Like, both hands, there on his butt. I think she just wanted to give it a squeeze and was looking for a reason! I can imagine he went pretty beet red and didn't know what to do. When she offered to hold him steady again on the way down, he politely declined (good man! hahaa).
So that was about the funniest part of the day.
So, this book I'm reading. It's called City of Bones and it's the first in the Mortal Instruments trilogy. I'm quite enjoying it, and I'm excited because it's the sort of book that I'd stay up until 2am reading. I haven't had one of those in a long time. I think a year probably. Has anyone else ever heard of it? The premise of it is basically this ordinary girl discovering a group of demon hunters and realizing after her mom is kidnapped that she has a lot she needs to learn about her past. I don't know how else to describe it without giving stuff away, but it's good. It also involves things like vampires, werewolves, faeries, warlocks and witches, and other cool things which, written in the right context, can be interesting. I'm not quite at the end, so I won't *fully* recommend it (in fact, I won't until I'm done the trilogy, and then I'll let you know) but suffice it to say I enjoy it muchly!
Not much else is going on. Last night I went to a dessert party at my mother-in-law's, and I got a little frustrated about something while there (brace yourself. It's...pregnancy related! You guessed it, I'm sure.) He's the thing. I have heard SO many bad pregnancy and childbirth stories. They seem to be the only ones worth telling. But they can hardly be the norm, or else people wouldn't want to have kids, or wouldn't want more than one, at least according to how horrible some of the stories I've heard have been.
But why don't people ever tell GOOD pregnancy and childbirth stories? Especially to pregnant women who have never been through the ideal? Why is it everyone's knee-jerk reaction to warn you of impending doom and gloom, and if it turns out better, then you got lucky?
Do you know what I want? I want to hear about uncomplicated labour and delivery stories. I don't mean the ones where labour lasts 45 minutes. That seems unrealistic to hope for, especially because those stories aren't usually from first babies. I don't mind hearing about 5, 10, 15 hours of labour. That all sounds quite manageable. I just don't want to hear any more of the negative stuff. It seems I'm surrounded by it.
And the most maddening part of it all is that people talk to you with this superiority, like because they've gone through something, you'll go through it and end up feeling the same way they do about it in the end. And you can't prove them wrong. Not in the middle of the conversation anyway...you have to wait until you've experienced it too. Like, you can tell someone you plan on breastfeeding for a year, and they'll come back and say that you'll think differently once the baby starts teething. Then you say you think the soother should be done with by the time they're a year or two, and you get, "just wait until they're screaming and crying and you're going crazy. You'll pass it over to them then."
I have other examples, I just don't have the energy to rant about them all right now. And you know what? I don't even care if these people are right in the end. I just care that they're telling me how it's going to be, as if I don't have a choice or say in the matter, and like they're some experts and I'm just some inexperienced pup who doesn't know any better and needs to be warned.
Am I prideful? Sometimes I feel like I am. I know that if I'm having a problem I'd *love* for someone with more experience on it than me to give me advice. But not until I ask for it, I guess, and not in such a way that leaves no room for discussion or debate. GRR.
Anyway, I'm not really as worked up as I might sound. Just irritated a bit, I guess.
I'm going to sign off here and finish my book. I think I have 50 pages left and it's at a rather exciting part! I'll let you know my overall conclusion soon (maybe too soon....probably by Monday, but if I get obsessive, by Saturday. I still have 2 more books to read after all!
So anyway, Matt rented out some space in his building and dressed the club up to look like a store so that he could get a trade licence with all these different companies, but really he makes his money online.
Then recently he decided that instead on breaking even with the extra rented space he decided to make something of it and work to get it off the ground and to establish the business here in our little city. One of the ways he decided to do this was to drive around to all the stores like it within a 1-2 hour radius of here to get ideas and see how they did things (I mentioned this in the last post I think.)
It was, surprisingly, a lot of fun! Granted, I didn't go in to many of the store. In fact, I only went in to the first two which were Games Workshop (in a mall, so hurrah!) and Ikea. Other than that I just stayed in the car reading my new book which I am enjoying GREATLY (more to come later.) It was nice though. Matt asked, "Are you disappointed about the day, because you decided to just stay in the car and read?" and I told him I absolutely was not, because I would never feel so good about myself if I sat at HOME and read all day, but in the car it was a different story. It was nice to be out, to zone in and out of Matt and Dave's conversations at the most ridiculous times, and to not have so many things to do that I can't choose one and so don't do any (I work like that sometimes, much to my detriment.)
Here's something that sucked about the day but turned out pretty nicely in the end: when I got out of the car at the first stop we made, I took two steps and my flip flop broke. I was pretty excited about wearing flip flops in November, but at that moment I was insta-angry. Mostly because these sandals have been my lifeline lately, and I just didn't know what to do. As most of you probably know, it is **impossible** to walk with a broken flip flop. But I couldn't just take it off because, being mid-November, the ground is pretty darn cold (and dirty, and I'm a girly-girl), so there I was, dragging my foot like some gimp just to keep the shoe underneath my foot. And all Matt and Dave could do was laugh at how ridiculous I looked! It was rather funny though, I must admit. It didn't help that Matt parked at the wrong end of the mall, and I had to walk the whole length of it before we could get to Games Workshop, and the Payless across the hall from it.
But it worked out in the end, because Payless was having a buy 1 get 1 half off sale, so I bought a pair of brown clogs (9 1/2...not impressed! But apparently I can look forward to that from now on. It's better than the 10 that I bought a few weeks ago. And really, it's not such a bad thing. So my shoe size changes. So what?) and I also bought a pair of cute black flats for church, which were 9W. Matthew teased me about buying 2 pairs, but it made sense really, because I wore these flip flops to church (irreverent, I know! Hahaha) and now they're gone. SAD!
Other than that, the day was uneventful. Oh wait, not completely uneventful. How can I post about our road trip without posting about the woman who was hitting on Matt and Dave so hard that I was a little alarmed??? I wasn't actually there, but they were laughing for a good 10 minutes after they left the store. Here's how it happened. Owner of the store is an older woman (not OLD, just oldER. Than us. Like late 40's maybe) and she's clearly a bit of a cougar (**aside** why do we call woman who like younger guys cougars? Do female cougars always mate with younger male cougars? I wanna know.) Dave said something looked cool, and that automatically meant he wanted to buy it (right??) so she kept pushing it on him and decided to get it down to show him, only she couldn't reach it, so Matt being tall offered to get it, but it was harder than just grabbing it down because it was attached to the wall (it was a 300 shield, like from the movie), so she offered to get the ladder to make it easier, and while Matt was on his way up, she decided it would be helpful to hold him up by his butt. Like, both hands, there on his butt. I think she just wanted to give it a squeeze and was looking for a reason! I can imagine he went pretty beet red and didn't know what to do. When she offered to hold him steady again on the way down, he politely declined (good man! hahaa).
So that was about the funniest part of the day.
So, this book I'm reading. It's called City of Bones and it's the first in the Mortal Instruments trilogy. I'm quite enjoying it, and I'm excited because it's the sort of book that I'd stay up until 2am reading. I haven't had one of those in a long time. I think a year probably. Has anyone else ever heard of it? The premise of it is basically this ordinary girl discovering a group of demon hunters and realizing after her mom is kidnapped that she has a lot she needs to learn about her past. I don't know how else to describe it without giving stuff away, but it's good. It also involves things like vampires, werewolves, faeries, warlocks and witches, and other cool things which, written in the right context, can be interesting. I'm not quite at the end, so I won't *fully* recommend it (in fact, I won't until I'm done the trilogy, and then I'll let you know) but suffice it to say I enjoy it muchly!
Not much else is going on. Last night I went to a dessert party at my mother-in-law's, and I got a little frustrated about something while there (brace yourself. It's...pregnancy related! You guessed it, I'm sure.) He's the thing. I have heard SO many bad pregnancy and childbirth stories. They seem to be the only ones worth telling. But they can hardly be the norm, or else people wouldn't want to have kids, or wouldn't want more than one, at least according to how horrible some of the stories I've heard have been.
But why don't people ever tell GOOD pregnancy and childbirth stories? Especially to pregnant women who have never been through the ideal? Why is it everyone's knee-jerk reaction to warn you of impending doom and gloom, and if it turns out better, then you got lucky?
Do you know what I want? I want to hear about uncomplicated labour and delivery stories. I don't mean the ones where labour lasts 45 minutes. That seems unrealistic to hope for, especially because those stories aren't usually from first babies. I don't mind hearing about 5, 10, 15 hours of labour. That all sounds quite manageable. I just don't want to hear any more of the negative stuff. It seems I'm surrounded by it.
And the most maddening part of it all is that people talk to you with this superiority, like because they've gone through something, you'll go through it and end up feeling the same way they do about it in the end. And you can't prove them wrong. Not in the middle of the conversation anyway...you have to wait until you've experienced it too. Like, you can tell someone you plan on breastfeeding for a year, and they'll come back and say that you'll think differently once the baby starts teething. Then you say you think the soother should be done with by the time they're a year or two, and you get, "just wait until they're screaming and crying and you're going crazy. You'll pass it over to them then."
I have other examples, I just don't have the energy to rant about them all right now. And you know what? I don't even care if these people are right in the end. I just care that they're telling me how it's going to be, as if I don't have a choice or say in the matter, and like they're some experts and I'm just some inexperienced pup who doesn't know any better and needs to be warned.
Am I prideful? Sometimes I feel like I am. I know that if I'm having a problem I'd *love* for someone with more experience on it than me to give me advice. But not until I ask for it, I guess, and not in such a way that leaves no room for discussion or debate. GRR.
Anyway, I'm not really as worked up as I might sound. Just irritated a bit, I guess.
I'm going to sign off here and finish my book. I think I have 50 pages left and it's at a rather exciting part! I'll let you know my overall conclusion soon (maybe too soon....probably by Monday, but if I get obsessive, by Saturday. I still have 2 more books to read after all!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Why I love my cat
She wrecks my blinds by practically crawling through them just to look outside, but she looks so darn cute doing it.
She fits into the smallest, silliest places, like the paper bag we brought the chicken wings home in.
Well, this is a momentous post for me. It marks 50 POSTS! Who knew I could stick with something so long??? I am, indeed sticking with it though, and my journals are suffering because of it. I'm still trying to find a balance between the two, because I feel like my journal will stick around longer than this blog, but it's so much faster (often funner) to type here.
I have to apologize if this is an unexciting 50th post, but I don't really have a lot to write about right now, so this is a bit of an update post. One of those, "so what are you and Matthew up to these days?" kind of posts.
What HAVE we been up to???
Well, Matthew is working away at the business and having fun with it. We're going to go on a bit of a road trip on Thursday, traveling to stores like his within a 1-2 hour radius of here, to see how they do things. You know, getting ideas, seeing what products they sell, etc. He's been working lots lately, and is working nearly every Saturday until mid-December. I'm not a big fan of the working Saturday thing, but we've made a compromise. He works Saturday and will take some time off at another time throughout the week if I can have something planned for us to do. None of this taking time off to sit around on our butts business.
So that's that. He worked this Saturday after our last photography field trip (woo hoo!) and I went off to the temple because Dallin and Nathan were going for the first time. It was really nice to go and be there, and go out with everyone afterwards (dinner at the Mandarin! Woo!) but MAN it was a long day. I didn't get home until 9:30pm, and we went to bed immediately, we were both so tired. My friend Farrah thinks I'm pushing myself too much because my feet were REALLY swollen by the end of the day, but I think it was just because I did a lot of sitting and not drinking enough water. I didn't feel like I should just stop what I'm doing and take a break. I think the sleepiness was because I'd been up since 6am and hadn't slept well.
Sleep lately is difficult. I had a dream just before I woke up yesterday morning that I was crying and telling Matthew how much my back hurt and how I can't sleep because of it, and then I woke up and realized it hadn't happened but that my back actually DID hurt.
Because I've been waking up so much lately, I've been having a lot of vivid dreams that I can remember, and at least once a night I dream of food. And I don't mean just dreaming of looking at food. I can remember SO clearly what the food tastes like. Mostly I dream of chocolate, but not always. Once it was mini Mars bars, then Rolos, then buttertarts, then ham and vegetables, then this delicious brownie with whip cream and caramel, and last night it was canned green beans. I had made something with the beans and Matt had picked them all out because he doesn't like them, so I ate his.
I'm still trying to figure out if they're cravings or just me thinking about food as I sleep. I'm usually pretty happy to get the food I'm dreaming of, but it's not an obsession. Hmm.
I've also been trying to figure out if I'm nesting and I came to the conclusion last night at 11pm that I am. How did I know? I was in the doorway of the baby's room just looking at everything and then I decided that the rocking chair would go better in another corner of the room, so I spent 5 minutes rearranging everything and then just sat in the chair enjoying my handiwork.
Anyway, other than that, not too much has been going on. Yesterday I took a chance and said to Matt, "If I'm lucky I won't have to do anything in Primary!" and then 15 minutes later I was preparing a lesson for the 8-11 year-old girls! Too funny.
Oh! Yesterday I started listening to Christmas music in the car and we turned on our Christmas lights in the evening before we went to Matt's parents, and I loved every bit of it! I was going to wait until I saw more people putting on their lights, but then Matt pointed out that someone had to be first, so that settled it.
Hmm...what else should I update on? There really isn't much right now! Days are long and weeks are fast, but that's life for you! Oh, here's something new that is baby-ish. The baby has been doing more rolling and stretching than kicking lately, and yesterday it started to hurt. Until then it never really caused pain; it was more just pressure against my ribs or whereever. But yesterday and today he's been kicking (or pushing) certain places repeatedly, and they're getting sore. I just start pushing back in hopes that he'll stop and pick somewhere else for a bit, and that seems to work. Oh, and another discovery since Friday is that I have the beginnings of stretch marks. They're red and on my stomach, and seeing as I still have at least a couple months left, I'm fully prepared and expecting them to get bad, but I don't mind.
Now I really do think that is it! Nothing new, just life and the little things that happen throughout the day. It's good though. I'm glad everything is good and peaceful right now, and I love life (most days!)
She fits into the smallest, silliest places, like the paper bag we brought the chicken wings home in.
I have other reasons, but no cute pictures to go along with them. I'll get on top of it.
Well, this is a momentous post for me. It marks 50 POSTS! Who knew I could stick with something so long??? I am, indeed sticking with it though, and my journals are suffering because of it. I'm still trying to find a balance between the two, because I feel like my journal will stick around longer than this blog, but it's so much faster (often funner) to type here.
I have to apologize if this is an unexciting 50th post, but I don't really have a lot to write about right now, so this is a bit of an update post. One of those, "so what are you and Matthew up to these days?" kind of posts.
What HAVE we been up to???
Well, Matthew is working away at the business and having fun with it. We're going to go on a bit of a road trip on Thursday, traveling to stores like his within a 1-2 hour radius of here, to see how they do things. You know, getting ideas, seeing what products they sell, etc. He's been working lots lately, and is working nearly every Saturday until mid-December. I'm not a big fan of the working Saturday thing, but we've made a compromise. He works Saturday and will take some time off at another time throughout the week if I can have something planned for us to do. None of this taking time off to sit around on our butts business.
So that's that. He worked this Saturday after our last photography field trip (woo hoo!) and I went off to the temple because Dallin and Nathan were going for the first time. It was really nice to go and be there, and go out with everyone afterwards (dinner at the Mandarin! Woo!) but MAN it was a long day. I didn't get home until 9:30pm, and we went to bed immediately, we were both so tired. My friend Farrah thinks I'm pushing myself too much because my feet were REALLY swollen by the end of the day, but I think it was just because I did a lot of sitting and not drinking enough water. I didn't feel like I should just stop what I'm doing and take a break. I think the sleepiness was because I'd been up since 6am and hadn't slept well.
Sleep lately is difficult. I had a dream just before I woke up yesterday morning that I was crying and telling Matthew how much my back hurt and how I can't sleep because of it, and then I woke up and realized it hadn't happened but that my back actually DID hurt.
Because I've been waking up so much lately, I've been having a lot of vivid dreams that I can remember, and at least once a night I dream of food. And I don't mean just dreaming of looking at food. I can remember SO clearly what the food tastes like. Mostly I dream of chocolate, but not always. Once it was mini Mars bars, then Rolos, then buttertarts, then ham and vegetables, then this delicious brownie with whip cream and caramel, and last night it was canned green beans. I had made something with the beans and Matt had picked them all out because he doesn't like them, so I ate his.
I'm still trying to figure out if they're cravings or just me thinking about food as I sleep. I'm usually pretty happy to get the food I'm dreaming of, but it's not an obsession. Hmm.
I've also been trying to figure out if I'm nesting and I came to the conclusion last night at 11pm that I am. How did I know? I was in the doorway of the baby's room just looking at everything and then I decided that the rocking chair would go better in another corner of the room, so I spent 5 minutes rearranging everything and then just sat in the chair enjoying my handiwork.
Anyway, other than that, not too much has been going on. Yesterday I took a chance and said to Matt, "If I'm lucky I won't have to do anything in Primary!" and then 15 minutes later I was preparing a lesson for the 8-11 year-old girls! Too funny.
Oh! Yesterday I started listening to Christmas music in the car and we turned on our Christmas lights in the evening before we went to Matt's parents, and I loved every bit of it! I was going to wait until I saw more people putting on their lights, but then Matt pointed out that someone had to be first, so that settled it.
Hmm...what else should I update on? There really isn't much right now! Days are long and weeks are fast, but that's life for you! Oh, here's something new that is baby-ish. The baby has been doing more rolling and stretching than kicking lately, and yesterday it started to hurt. Until then it never really caused pain; it was more just pressure against my ribs or whereever. But yesterday and today he's been kicking (or pushing) certain places repeatedly, and they're getting sore. I just start pushing back in hopes that he'll stop and pick somewhere else for a bit, and that seems to work. Oh, and another discovery since Friday is that I have the beginnings of stretch marks. They're red and on my stomach, and seeing as I still have at least a couple months left, I'm fully prepared and expecting them to get bad, but I don't mind.
Now I really do think that is it! Nothing new, just life and the little things that happen throughout the day. It's good though. I'm glad everything is good and peaceful right now, and I love life (most days!)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A little bit of this, a little bit of that
I was completely on a blogging roll until yesterday! Apparently there's something going on called National Blog Posting Month, and although I wasn't intentionally participating, I was thinking to myself, "sweet! I've already posted 3 days in a row! Maybe I'll keep it up."
I even typed up the majority of a long blog post Tuesday night, intending to post it yesterday. Then yesterday I decided I would change my mind about the content of the blog post, and rewrite the whole thing. I was going to include a belly shot, but that didn't work out, a very crummy day ensued, and I didn't end up posting a thing. Sorry.
This post is going to be about random things that cross my mind throughout the day.
First, I'll address the issue I was flip-flopping between in the two posts I wrote but never posted. I was struggling with telling the blogging world in general my due date, or not. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but as mentioned previously, I get *really* hung up on dates. If I don't tell people the date, then I don't have to worry about being constantly reminded of something that I'd rather forget about so that time moves faster and the date just magically arrives. BUT then I can't do my week-by-week count-down either. It's been fun to do the whole 24-week, 26-week, 28-week photo comparison thing. Also, I won't be able to excitedly post when I'm 37 weeks, and therefore considered "full-term" because then you'd KNOW the dd.
On the other hand, if I tell people, then I can continue on with my, "Apparently by this week, the baby weighs this much, is considered viable, is full-term, has sucking abilities, blah blah blah" and all those little milestones that I love and read up on every week. I can also put one of those adorable little tickers in my sidebar saying how much longer I have. Sometimes, just because I'm curious, I go to those ticker websites and type in my info just so that I don't have to calculate myself how many days are left. Then I leave the site without actually adding the ticker to my own blog. Obsessive, I know. If I told people the due date, though, I'd be worried that they'd bring it up to me, count down with me (and I'm silly and would probably get annoyed by that), point out to me when I'm overdue (which I fully plan on being) and pretty much just drive me crazy.
SO. Here's my decision. No due date announcement. Sorry folks. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but I can't just take it back once I've let people know, so for now, you're in the dark as to the actual date, and I'm keeping with the whole "I'm due in mid-January" thing.
Instead of counting by weeks then, I'll count by months, because they're less precise. SO that makes me 7 months along.
Did I really just write that? 7 MONTHS. We've know for 6 months. That's half a year. When people would tell me they're 7 months along, I would immediately think of how close that was to when they'd deliver and how big they're getting, and all that usual stuff. In connection to myself, however, I feel quite the opposite (as these pregnant women usually do when I would say things like how soon it would be.)
To me, 2 months and a bit away from my due date still seems like FOREVER. Like it'll never get here.
I told Matthew this, and he had a better outlook on it that thrilled me completely. He pointed out that it's less than 3 weeks to my first shower, then a week and a half to my next shower, then 3 weeks until Christmas, and then, only 3 weeks (plus a bit maybe) until BABY TIME. And really, when you break it down like that, it seems so close. Like things are actually happening.
And things ARE happening. I know that, I just have too much free time.
Yesterday was an AWFUL day. Very reminiscent of the pre-pregnancy, infertility blues bad days. I just felt like going back to bed and sleeping the day away, because there was nothing I wanted to do. It's funny, because you'd think that with not working and not going to school, and only needing to keep the house clean, I'd have an awesome time doing all of my hobbies and whatever I feel like doing, but when you have hours on end of nothingness - no structure, no nothing! - it's harder to motivate yourself to want to do things you enjoy compared to when you only have 3 hours to do them.
On the one hand, 2 months felt like not ENOUGH time. As in, I can't go get a job, or take a university course, or write a book, or really develop a talent. It'd all be cut short.
On the other hand, 2 months felt like an ETERNITY. As in, what on earth am I going to do for the 70 some-odd days until mid-January??? As I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like doing even my favourite things, the prospect of 2 months like this almost broke me.
Then Matt came home for lunch with pizza and wings (seriously, how did he know I was feeling blue??) I took one look at him and burst into tears. It was dramatic.
The afternoon was much the same, but my evening was good because I got out of the house. Matt took me to Swiss Chalet for dinner, I spent some time with Farrah, went to a Christmas open house and spent some money (it's sad how much that soothes my soul...) and then went back to Farrahs to chat some more.
Today is already better, as I didn't wake up feeling blah like I did yesterday, and I'm about to go out for the afternoon. Also, Matt has convinced me to start up a photography business, so that'll be fun. Taking photos for free at first (I need to get better one way or another, right?) and after a while start charging. Perhaps a long while depending on long it takes for me to feel like I'm good enough for people to want me to take photos of them.
So that's what's going on with me lately. I feel like a ticking time-bomb, and that sometimes I am completely not in control of my emotions. It's like PMS-ing, but more unpredictable. One moment I'll be fine, and then something will be said or done that will cause me to tense up all in my chest, and it seems impossible to shake the feeling. Then something as equally trivial will cheer me up and I'll be fine again. R-O-L-L-E-R-C-O-A-S-T-E-R.
Also, I worry about stupid things sometimes. Like, one of my concerns right now is how much the baby is learning from what he hears from me. More particularly (and you're going to laugh, no matter how much I beg you not to) I worry that if I sing off-key, he'll be tone deaf, or have a really bad musical ear. I've been SO conscious of not singing off-key, and I feel guilty every time I hear myself go flat. See? Stupid. Or is it? What do you think? Do you think I'm on to something, or do you think (like Matthew does) that I'm silly and it doesn't matter?
Anyway, yesterday I was going to take an update photo to post for the 7-month shot, but I just didn't feel like it. Matthew took some of me, but in my crabby state yesterday, I put them all in the recycling bin. I didn't like the angle. Or my hair. Or my hunchback. So you might not get a 7-month update photo. Sorry folks!
Everything is going well though. I had a mw appointment on Tuesday, and I'm measuring right on track, the baby was kicking so much it was hard to hear the heartbeat, my blood pressure is fine, blah blah blah. It's all kinda unexciting at the moment, but boring is good, I'm told. Oh, and he's still head down. May he stay that way!
I've booked a 3D ultrasound for a couple weeks from now, and I'm super excited about it.
AND that's really all I can think of! Sorry it's all baby. You really shouldn't be surprised though. I don't work, I don't go to school (right now) and I pretty much sit around at home all day wishing there was something I could do to speed up the process or prepare for baby. On Saturday I cleaned for about 8 hours, and then I cried because my feet and legs hurt so bad. And now my house is pretty spotless, and there's no cleaning left for this week! What was I thinking???
Anyway, sorry to cut this short (well, it's not REALLY short) but Matt will be here any minute to pick me up and I'm not even ready. Oops. Sorry Matt.
I'll post again soon if I can think of anything exciting.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Just shoot me!
Today I got shot. Or, perhaps I should say, I got THE shot. There, doesn't that sound better? I hope you weren't too worried.
And by THE shot, I'm referring to the H1N1 vaccination shot that the media has been carrying on about for months. I didn't mention my plans to get it before, because I really just wanted to make the decision on my own and feel good about it, regardless of what others might think.
Perhaps surprisingly to some (like Matthew) it was a hard decision to make. On the one hand, it contains the same things as the regular seasonal flu shot (apart from the strain of flu, which is obviously different), and is administered the same way, so what's the big deal, right? Even the mercury content is less than a can of tuna (so everyone is saying), so I'll just skip out on my 2 meals of fish a week tops thing, and I and the baby will be fine.
On the other hand, I felt pretty uncomfortable with the idea of having something injected into me where they don't know the long-term effects of it. I've never got the flu shot, and I've never got the flu (at least, never as an adult where I could have got the flu shot to prevent it.) I guess I didn't see the point in getting jabbed with a needle (and I hate needles...) when I had a good chance of not even encountering the illness. This H1N1 thing is a bit different, I'll admit. "They" are estimating that 1 in 3 Canadians will get H1N1 at some point (where do these numbers come from anyway???), and if it was just me I had to think about, I wouldn't worry overmuch about it.
But it's not just me. What if I get it when I'm pregnant, and go into preterm labour? What if it affects the baby somehow? What if I get it after the baby is born, and somehow or other the baby gets it from me? All these worries made me want to get the shot.
But then...what if I get the shot and it affects the baby? What if the baby comes out funny and it's all my fault, and I could have prevented it?
Too many things to think about.
Then we found out that someone we know and see at church had H1N1. That hit close to home because we *knew* someone who had been affected. It's funny how that makes a difference, isn't it? All of a sudden I felt like I needed to get the shot, and soon, because hey, this person goes to church, and what if it starts spreading around the members of the ward? I'm not going to live in complete fear and not go to church on Sundays!
So in the (almost) end, I decided to get the shot, feeling reassured that it's the same as other flu shots that pregnant women get all the time, the only different thing is the strain of the virus.
But then, which one do I get? The adjuvanted or unadjuvanted one? The un-ad. one has been tested on pregnant women, and the ad. one hasn't. The un-ad. one hasn't been released yet, though, and likely won't be for another 3-4 weeks. Then it takes 10 days to be effective. Do I wait 5-6 weeks to be protected, or do I take my chances and get the ad. one now?
I take my chances with the ad. one now. I don't want to live in fear any longer, and be ultra-paranoid every time someone coughs around me or stands too close. I don't want to lose any more sleep over this!
So we went at 8:15 am, and there was already quite a line up. It got trimmed down when we were told that today's clinic had been switched to priority only, so a lot of people left the line. That meant Matt couldn't get it today, but he stuck around anyway because I was there. It's a good thing he did, too, because he ended up being allowed to get it. I guess because I'm so close to my due date, and he's going to (soon!) be one of the primary caregivers for someone who can't get the shot, they let him in.
The shot itself wasn't bad, and the guy we had was super nice. Now my arm hurts a little, but apparently that's because it gets injected into the muscle and is an oil-based vaccination, whatever that means.
So there you have it! I chose to get the shot. What are you going to do? Are you for or against the vaccination, or do you (like Matt) not have a strong opinion about it either way???
And by THE shot, I'm referring to the H1N1 vaccination shot that the media has been carrying on about for months. I didn't mention my plans to get it before, because I really just wanted to make the decision on my own and feel good about it, regardless of what others might think.
Perhaps surprisingly to some (like Matthew) it was a hard decision to make. On the one hand, it contains the same things as the regular seasonal flu shot (apart from the strain of flu, which is obviously different), and is administered the same way, so what's the big deal, right? Even the mercury content is less than a can of tuna (so everyone is saying), so I'll just skip out on my 2 meals of fish a week tops thing, and I and the baby will be fine.
On the other hand, I felt pretty uncomfortable with the idea of having something injected into me where they don't know the long-term effects of it. I've never got the flu shot, and I've never got the flu (at least, never as an adult where I could have got the flu shot to prevent it.) I guess I didn't see the point in getting jabbed with a needle (and I hate needles...) when I had a good chance of not even encountering the illness. This H1N1 thing is a bit different, I'll admit. "They" are estimating that 1 in 3 Canadians will get H1N1 at some point (where do these numbers come from anyway???), and if it was just me I had to think about, I wouldn't worry overmuch about it.
But it's not just me. What if I get it when I'm pregnant, and go into preterm labour? What if it affects the baby somehow? What if I get it after the baby is born, and somehow or other the baby gets it from me? All these worries made me want to get the shot.
But then...what if I get the shot and it affects the baby? What if the baby comes out funny and it's all my fault, and I could have prevented it?
Too many things to think about.
Then we found out that someone we know and see at church had H1N1. That hit close to home because we *knew* someone who had been affected. It's funny how that makes a difference, isn't it? All of a sudden I felt like I needed to get the shot, and soon, because hey, this person goes to church, and what if it starts spreading around the members of the ward? I'm not going to live in complete fear and not go to church on Sundays!
So in the (almost) end, I decided to get the shot, feeling reassured that it's the same as other flu shots that pregnant women get all the time, the only different thing is the strain of the virus.
But then, which one do I get? The adjuvanted or unadjuvanted one? The un-ad. one has been tested on pregnant women, and the ad. one hasn't. The un-ad. one hasn't been released yet, though, and likely won't be for another 3-4 weeks. Then it takes 10 days to be effective. Do I wait 5-6 weeks to be protected, or do I take my chances and get the ad. one now?
I take my chances with the ad. one now. I don't want to live in fear any longer, and be ultra-paranoid every time someone coughs around me or stands too close. I don't want to lose any more sleep over this!
So we went at 8:15 am, and there was already quite a line up. It got trimmed down when we were told that today's clinic had been switched to priority only, so a lot of people left the line. That meant Matt couldn't get it today, but he stuck around anyway because I was there. It's a good thing he did, too, because he ended up being allowed to get it. I guess because I'm so close to my due date, and he's going to (soon!) be one of the primary caregivers for someone who can't get the shot, they let him in.
The shot itself wasn't bad, and the guy we had was super nice. Now my arm hurts a little, but apparently that's because it gets injected into the muscle and is an oil-based vaccination, whatever that means.
So there you have it! I chose to get the shot. What are you going to do? Are you for or against the vaccination, or do you (like Matt) not have a strong opinion about it either way???
Monday, November 2, 2009
A poopy day
Today, despite the title, has actually been a good day (so far! It's only 3:15 after all...) just a poopy one.
First, I learned that dogs don't take well to clementines (my new craving.) I gave Pippin a couple (seemingly) harmless slices last night but not more, just in case they didn't agree with him. You might think I'm crazy, but this dog eats everything but mushrooms, lettuce and olives.
Anyway, apparently when Matt got him up this morning, he had pooped all in his crate, so we had to wash his stuff and I think we'll need to wash him too as he has a mildly lingering scent of poop. How do we know it was the clementines? Because it got digested untouched. Literally.
I wanted to take a nap this morning, I was so tired, but then Pippin would have wanted to jump up on the bed with me, and being in his poopy state, I didn't want that to happen, so no nap for me. I'll have to see what Matt and I can do about it later.
Anyway, that was poop episode #1.
Then we raked the leaves and it was so nice to have reclaimed the backyard, that I decided to mow the lawn. And somehow when I was whipping the cord out of the way of the lawnmower, one poopy part of the cord landed on my nice beige coat and got poop on it. I wimpered.
And when I was done mowing the lawn, I checked my shoes, and sure enough, more poop. Apparently I stepped in it!
So there was Pippin, whining to come outside and run amock as we set up the Christmas lights, but I was just not feeling any sympathy to the poor creature who (I seriously think) was trying to convince us that he'd die then and there if we didn't let him join us. Poor thing! I wasn't thinking, "Poor thing" at the time though. Matt tried to tell me it wasn't Pippin's fault, and that I had essentially jumped into his toilet and blamed him for it (I don't know where these analogies come from!) but I wasn't hearing any of it.
Anyway, I'm over it now. I spot-cleaned the (minimal amount of) poop on my coat so all is well, and I do feel rather sorry for my puppy who I think is not feeling well. Maybe I should apologize about the clementines, but then, I think he thought it was worth it anyway. He sure loved them going down!
First, I learned that dogs don't take well to clementines (my new craving.) I gave Pippin a couple (seemingly) harmless slices last night but not more, just in case they didn't agree with him. You might think I'm crazy, but this dog eats everything but mushrooms, lettuce and olives.
Anyway, apparently when Matt got him up this morning, he had pooped all in his crate, so we had to wash his stuff and I think we'll need to wash him too as he has a mildly lingering scent of poop. How do we know it was the clementines? Because it got digested untouched. Literally.
I wanted to take a nap this morning, I was so tired, but then Pippin would have wanted to jump up on the bed with me, and being in his poopy state, I didn't want that to happen, so no nap for me. I'll have to see what Matt and I can do about it later.
Anyway, that was poop episode #1.
Then we raked the leaves and it was so nice to have reclaimed the backyard, that I decided to mow the lawn. And somehow when I was whipping the cord out of the way of the lawnmower, one poopy part of the cord landed on my nice beige coat and got poop on it. I wimpered.
And when I was done mowing the lawn, I checked my shoes, and sure enough, more poop. Apparently I stepped in it!
So there was Pippin, whining to come outside and run amock as we set up the Christmas lights, but I was just not feeling any sympathy to the poor creature who (I seriously think) was trying to convince us that he'd die then and there if we didn't let him join us. Poor thing! I wasn't thinking, "Poor thing" at the time though. Matt tried to tell me it wasn't Pippin's fault, and that I had essentially jumped into his toilet and blamed him for it (I don't know where these analogies come from!) but I wasn't hearing any of it.
Anyway, I'm over it now. I spot-cleaned the (minimal amount of) poop on my coat so all is well, and I do feel rather sorry for my puppy who I think is not feeling well. Maybe I should apologize about the clementines, but then, I think he thought it was worth it anyway. He sure loved them going down!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Go figure
Me: Today's going to be a good Sunday. Do you know why?
Matt: No, why?
Me: Because I don't have to do a thing.
Matt: That's true. No sharing time or primary presentation.
Me: Nope, or music time or whatever. But knowing my luck, today will be the day that Dee is sick and can't come to nursery, so I have to find someone to replace her. Oh well...
10 minutes later...
(phone rings. It's for me.)
Janine: Holly, I can't make it to primary today, as Ryan is pretty sick and he's too young to know how to cough into his sleeve. Would you mind doing sharing time for me today?
Me: No, that's fine, I don't mind at all! (true, by the way)
Me (to myself): I knew there was a reason I simply could NOT sleep in past 6am this morning, and was up and dressed by 8am...
Murphy's Law. What can I say?
Oh, and do you know why my cat went into heat for the umpteenth time last night right before we went to bed???
Because we're having company over for dinner, and a quiet evening is just too much to ask for.
Sometimes life is just too comical!
Matt: No, why?
Me: Because I don't have to do a thing.
Matt: That's true. No sharing time or primary presentation.
Me: Nope, or music time or whatever. But knowing my luck, today will be the day that Dee is sick and can't come to nursery, so I have to find someone to replace her. Oh well...
10 minutes later...
(phone rings. It's for me.)
Janine: Holly, I can't make it to primary today, as Ryan is pretty sick and he's too young to know how to cough into his sleeve. Would you mind doing sharing time for me today?
Me: No, that's fine, I don't mind at all! (true, by the way)
Me (to myself): I knew there was a reason I simply could NOT sleep in past 6am this morning, and was up and dressed by 8am...
Murphy's Law. What can I say?
Oh, and do you know why my cat went into heat for the umpteenth time last night right before we went to bed???
Because we're having company over for dinner, and a quiet evening is just too much to ask for.
Sometimes life is just too comical!
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