BOY!!!!!!!!
So you might be wondering how on earth we know because, hey, wasn't the ultrasound supposed to be on the 25th??? And you'd be right, it was. Until last Tuesday when I decided that I didn't need to wait in agony an extra week when I'd already be 19 weeks along this week. It was also a lot of fun having the ultrasound and NOT getting phone calls from very excited family members asking, "SO.......??????" This way we could tell them the way we wanted, WHEN we wanted. SO much fun.
So my last entry on here was about how frustrating sleep can be sometimes. I have to tell you, that's because I could not for the life of me sleep a wink the night before the u/s. Maybe it's ridiculous, but I felt indescribably anxious for it, for a number of reasons. Last time it really hurt to have the u/s done, and my stomach was 10 weeks smaller, so how much was it going to hurt this time? Would Matthew be able to be in there with me? Would they be able to tell the gender? Will the baby be healthy? Will the heart still be beating (a silly question, I know, but when you haven't felt them kick yet, you start to wonder if it's real...I'm the type who needs lots of reassurance) I don't know. I was just so high-strung about it all, and every time I tried to sleep that night I had dreams where I told people all about my anxieties, so that didn't help. I even started to feel sick I was getting so worked up about it.I was so surprised with how it actually turned out though - so opposite from what I'd expected. We didn't have to wait in the waiting room at all, 3 cups of water turned out to be more than enough, it didn't hurt a bit (apart from being uncomfortable from needing to go to the bathroom), it only lasted 30 minutes instead of an hour, Matthew was in there the whole time and got to see everything, the tech answered all my questions, and when he was showing me where to look to see if it was a boy or girl, I knew immediately that it was a boy (it's way easier to tell than I thought!) Was I disappointed? Only for one FRACTION of a second, and only because I really wanted to use my girl name. NOT disappointed about my tiny wee little man. I can't even picture it being a girl now which is so funny to me; he's become such a reality.
Matthew said the baby was kicking around so much on the screen that he was amazed I couldn't feel it. I've only just started to feel movements, and even then it's so light and sporadic that it's still hard to tell (the first kicks were when I was laying in bed, trying to sleep the night before the u/s). The tech gave us 6 great photos to keep, but I won't post them all, because most of them are similar. Here are some of the best ones though (the date says I'm 18 weeks 5 days in the photos, but I was actually 19 weeks 1 day. The tech amended the date after seeing the images, but I already knew/thought I was that far along, so it didn't change anything for me...long confusing story...)
So everything in my mind was leading up to this ultrasound. It seemed like a really big, pivotal thing, getting the photos (where he actually looks human, and not like some lima bean!), knowing the gender, knowing that everything is healthy and well, etc etc. Now that we've past that mark, though, I feel......directionless. That's not quite the right word, but I don't know how else to put it. What do I build up to now? To labour and delivery? It still seems a bit early for that (and I'd really rather not think about that too much, because if I got anxious for a piddly ultrasound, just imagine me before that big event!)
I still feel justified in thinking the u/s was a big thing, however...at least for me. I can't even begin to say how real the baby feels to me now. It's like he's gone from being an idea or possibility, with this hazy he/she question attached, to a reality, a real live being. I almost want to laugh, because I can't help thinking at times, "Oh! I'm pregnant afterall!" (and yes, it still seems that unbelievable, though that's changing)
I have a hard time articulating these thoughts, so I'll change the topic before I start to repeat myself and go around in circles.
We have been talking about names lately, and I think we have settled on a name, but I don't know. Suddenly it seems like a bigger deal. Like, a lot of the names I liked before just don't seem good enough, and just when I think we've settled on something, Matt comes out and says, "This is a really nice name," or "We could name him this..." He's also vetoed some names that he had not hitherto made a fuss about (much to my chagrin...hahaha)
I won't come out and say all my names on here. I'll just let everyone know The Name when it's closer to the time...or maybe after the Little Kicker is born, because I know that our decision on a name might change once we've actually seen him.
Anyway, I should wrap this up and have some lunch...or an early first dinner! I HAVE been eating today, just nothing formal because we were driving to and from the Leadership conference and helping out with some of the sports. I'll post a less obsessive entry soon though, I promise! ;)
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