Venting!!

Today is a very sad sad day for me. It's back to school day, and while most kids are groaning and complaining about the end of summer, I am completely eaten up with jealousy! I wish I was going back to school, and a part of me feels really sad because it feels like it's my last chance to go (or at least to go hassle-free) and instead, when everyone else has bought school supplies and a new backpack and books and is excited to start their classes, I'm sitting at home with nothing to do!

I know, you're probably thinking, "Cry me a river!" but I'm seriously down today and I just need to let it out a little bit.

I walked past the school supplies the other day at Zellers, and I smelt a smell. A wonderful smell. It was the fresh-paper-and-rubber-backpack smell, and it made me kindof ache to smell it, because I had absolutely no reason to walk over there and pick out the smoothest paper (Hilroy of course) or the flashiest pens, or the best push-pencils with their 0.7 mm lead and clean white erasers. Ridiculous? Completely. I never knew how silly I was about school and learning until that moment! I'd always suspected it, but then...I just KNEW.

My husband is the absolute greatest. He tries to cheer me up by saying things like, "Look at it this way. Now you can spend time reading good books, and doing your hobbies, playing piano, taking pictures, and just relaxing!" and it's true. A lot of people would love to be in my situation, not needing to work (and at any rate, not being able to find a job even if I did need to, because who's going to hire me for 3 months??) but seriously, the novelty wears off rather quickly! Besides, isn't that what I've been doing since May anyway?

And then you get the yuk yuks who don't even try to understand how I'm feeling, and suggest all these dumb things for me to do with my time, like, "Why don't you come over and clean my house?" or "I've got some closets you could sort through for me. I've been meaning to do it for years!" as if I should either be cleaning my house or someone else's house if I have the time. Who am I, Molly Maid?

I know this is really not as big a deal as I am making it, and that I'm just in a mood. I just really need to find something to do that is regular (and not, today I'm going to so-and-so's, tomorrow I have a meeting with so-and-so, then Wednesday I have an appointment with Dr. you-know-who, etc etc.) I even resorted to looking at my university's courses and trying to see if there are any courses at all that I'd be interested in taking (or that would help me to graduate) but they're all full. **FULL** (as it says when I look it up on the registration website.) There is something so irksome about the colour red this morning! Arg!!!

Okay, deep breath. Life is good. Life is great. AH who am I kidding? Life is boring right now!!!!!

I completely blame the 3 people who made comments at church on Sunday about how I must be getting anxious for the baby to just be born already. I'm not, or at least I wasn't until they said that (come on, I'm only 5 months along!) but apparently when people know you've been pregnant for more than 3 months, they are surprised to find you still pregnant every Sunday afterwards! Curses.

Anyway, there's my vent. There's so much more I could say (because there's so much more I'm feeling and that is stewing inside of me right now) but if I make this too much of a downer, no-one will want to read anymore!

So what is new and GOOD about life right now?

Well, my cat has decided to start sleeping on the bed between Matt and I instead of on top of me, which is a big change. When we first got her she tried sleeping there the first night, but Matthew promptly rolled on top of her, and she found that her only place of refuge was on top of me. She liked sleeping there because I'm wider and squishier than Matt because I sleep on my side hugging a pillow, but since I've been pregnant I've been more fidgety and she keeps rolling off of me, so now she's given up and is sleeping on the bed once more. I really like it actually. I love my little cat, and it's so nice waking up in the middle of the night with her at my feet or sleeping against my side. She's the sweetest and the best.

Also, it's now almost 4 months until my due date, and time was flying by until Sunday. Okay, so I need a better way to respond to people. Here's the thing. Constantly I am asked how I'm feeling and that's FINE, I don't mind, really! But I haven't been feeling bad at all, and that apparently is so out-of-the-ordinary that people aren't satisfied with my 'fine' answer. So then I took to saying 'normal' meaning that I don't feel pregnant at all, I just feel like my normal self, but THAT took too much explaining, so then I started adding on 'bored' as if to say that there really is nothing to report and therefore no reason to keep asking as if you think I have a disease I'm coping with. But 'bored' is perhaps the worst one I've come up with! Apparently, when people hear 'bored' they automatically assume that it means I'm tired of being pregnant and ready for the baby to get out of here and into my arms. I'll admit, it'd be nice, but that's not what I meant at all, and it elicited the comments that drove me so crazy on Sunday. Seriously. I say 'bored' and people are like, 'how much longer do you have?' and I say '4 months' (which, by the way, feels like no time at all!) but then they say, 'ahhh, that sucks! That's so long from now!!' Grrrrrr you people.

So the conclusion of that ramble? I need something new to say. Should I shock them all with an invented, gory play-by-play? It's what they're all expecting and I **think** hoping for when they ask. Or should I take Matt's advice and say, "I'm great, how are you???" (facetious kid!) or should I take the air of a martyr and say with a long face, "Ohhh, I'm hanging in there..."???

I'm leaning towards Matt's response, because all the other ones never seem to be enough info.

And here's something! Why is it every previously-pregnant woman's duty to warn me that the worst is yet to come? Are they really not content with me being 'fine' as I call it? I was asked about morning sickness and when I told them I haven't had any and likely wouldn't if I hadn't yet, I was assured that many women don't develop it until later in their pregnancy (untrue, by the way). Or the comments about carrying too small. Or - my favourite yet - the comment that some women have perfect pregnancies only to have really horrible labour and deliveries later! Are you trying to scare the pants off of me?!

Heavenly Father, may I never claim to be an expert of being pregnant just because I've experienced it. May I never tear someone down because their experience was better than mine. May I never generalize and say 'every' when it's really only 'I'. May I have the wisdom to rejoice with others when they're great, suffer with them when they're not, and begin every sentence with a 'My experience was X' and finish it with 'your experience will be completely your own'!!!

Wow, two big rants. I told you I was in a mood!

I feel better having that off my chest. Let move on to seriously happy and exciting things.

I bought a Doppler device on the weekend so that I can hear the baby's heartbeat when I want. I'm pretty darn excited about it, but Matt thinks it's foolish because what if I can't find the baby's heartbeat because I'm inexperienced and then I freak out? He's got a point actually, but if that's the case I'll just drink something sugary and cold, wait an hour for the baby to kick, and then call the midwives if he doesn't. See? Simple.

I'm also WAY too excited because we just found out a couple weeks ago that my sister-in-law, Rachelle, is going to have a baby too! I wanted to post it on here before, but the cat wasn't out of the bag yet. It was announced to Relief Society on Sunday though, and there's really no stopping it after that point, so here I am blogging about it! She's only 3 months behind me, so I really hope it'll be a boy because then they, too, can be besties. Or at least they'll have fun playing together at Christmastime and so on. I always wanted a cousin who was my age and lived close so we could be friends.

Also, we start our photography courses a week yesterday. I know, I know, you're probably thinking, "What? You ARE going to school? You goof!" but it's in the evenings and what I really want is something to do during the day when Matt's at work (NOW the truth comes out!)

I also have this anaesthetic consult in a few weeks, where I plan on telling them there is no way in H*** they're ever sticking a needle into my back for an epidural or a spinal or ANYthing. At least, that was how I would like it to go. But in reality I plan on going, listening, and making a more educated and less emotional decision than that. I just really hate people touching my back and I squirm away with the least amount of pressure applied. I completely want everything to be natural, but then I want it to go well and smoothly too, and what if it doesn't? A little worry of mine.

I'm seeing a dentist on Friday about getting my wisdom tooth taken out. I see the midwife in 2 weeks or so. I start piano next Thursday. I have a fantabulously exciting wedding to go to on Saturday (yay D!). This is my life!

OH! I saw Julia and Elizabeth yesterday! Julia was out from Calgary for a few days and I finally got to see her on the day she left, but it was fun. We went to a carnival and had the best fries I've pretty much ever had, an icecream cone that was completely meh and not worth the $2 of grocery money, and got to spend some time with 3 of my favourite people! (Matthew was there too, I don't count myself...hahaha)

Okay, so I just realized how long this has become, and how I'm just rambling now. I'll finish it up and post again soon when there are more exciting (and happier!) things to post about. I promise the next post will be full of enthusiasm and glee and all the good stuff that this post was probably missing!