I was completely on a blogging roll until yesterday! Apparently there's something going on called National Blog Posting Month, and although I wasn't intentionally participating, I was thinking to myself, "sweet! I've already posted 3 days in a row! Maybe I'll keep it up."
I even typed up the majority of a long blog post Tuesday night, intending to post it yesterday. Then yesterday I decided I would change my mind about the content of the blog post, and rewrite the whole thing. I was going to include a belly shot, but that didn't work out, a very crummy day ensued, and I didn't end up posting a thing. Sorry.
This post is going to be about random things that cross my mind throughout the day.
First, I'll address the issue I was flip-flopping between in the two posts I wrote but never posted. I was struggling with telling the blogging world in general my due date, or not. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but as mentioned previously, I get *really* hung up on dates. If I don't tell people the date, then I don't have to worry about being constantly reminded of something that I'd rather forget about so that time moves faster and the date just magically arrives. BUT then I can't do my week-by-week count-down either. It's been fun to do the whole 24-week, 26-week, 28-week photo comparison thing. Also, I won't be able to excitedly post when I'm 37 weeks, and therefore considered "full-term" because then you'd KNOW the dd.
On the other hand, if I tell people, then I can continue on with my, "Apparently by this week, the baby weighs this much, is considered viable, is full-term, has sucking abilities, blah blah blah" and all those little milestones that I love and read up on every week. I can also put one of those adorable little tickers in my sidebar saying how much longer I have. Sometimes, just because I'm curious, I go to those ticker websites and type in my info just so that I don't have to calculate myself how many days are left. Then I leave the site without actually adding the ticker to my own blog. Obsessive, I know. If I told people the due date, though, I'd be worried that they'd bring it up to me, count down with me (and I'm silly and would probably get annoyed by that), point out to me when I'm overdue (which I fully plan on being) and pretty much just drive me crazy.
SO. Here's my decision. No due date announcement. Sorry folks. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but I can't just take it back once I've let people know, so for now, you're in the dark as to the actual date, and I'm keeping with the whole "I'm due in mid-January" thing.
Instead of counting by weeks then, I'll count by months, because they're less precise. SO that makes me 7 months along.
Did I really just write that? 7 MONTHS. We've know for 6 months. That's half a year. When people would tell me they're 7 months along, I would immediately think of how close that was to when they'd deliver and how big they're getting, and all that usual stuff. In connection to myself, however, I feel quite the opposite (as these pregnant women usually do when I would say things like how soon it would be.)
To me, 2 months and a bit away from my due date still seems like FOREVER. Like it'll never get here.
I told Matthew this, and he had a better outlook on it that thrilled me completely. He pointed out that it's less than 3 weeks to my first shower, then a week and a half to my next shower, then 3 weeks until Christmas, and then, only 3 weeks (plus a bit maybe) until BABY TIME. And really, when you break it down like that, it seems so close. Like things are actually happening.
And things ARE happening. I know that, I just have too much free time.
Yesterday was an AWFUL day. Very reminiscent of the pre-pregnancy, infertility blues bad days. I just felt like going back to bed and sleeping the day away, because there was nothing I wanted to do. It's funny, because you'd think that with not working and not going to school, and only needing to keep the house clean, I'd have an awesome time doing all of my hobbies and whatever I feel like doing, but when you have hours on end of nothingness - no structure, no nothing! - it's harder to motivate yourself to want to do things you enjoy compared to when you only have 3 hours to do them.
On the one hand, 2 months felt like not ENOUGH time. As in, I can't go get a job, or take a university course, or write a book, or really develop a talent. It'd all be cut short.
On the other hand, 2 months felt like an ETERNITY. As in, what on earth am I going to do for the 70 some-odd days until mid-January??? As I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like doing even my favourite things, the prospect of 2 months like this almost broke me.
Then Matt came home for lunch with pizza and wings (seriously, how did he know I was feeling blue??) I took one look at him and burst into tears. It was dramatic.
The afternoon was much the same, but my evening was good because I got out of the house. Matt took me to Swiss Chalet for dinner, I spent some time with Farrah, went to a Christmas open house and spent some money (it's sad how much that soothes my soul...) and then went back to Farrahs to chat some more.
Today is already better, as I didn't wake up feeling blah like I did yesterday, and I'm about to go out for the afternoon. Also, Matt has convinced me to start up a photography business, so that'll be fun. Taking photos for free at first (I need to get better one way or another, right?) and after a while start charging. Perhaps a long while depending on long it takes for me to feel like I'm good enough for people to want me to take photos of them.
So that's what's going on with me lately. I feel like a ticking time-bomb, and that sometimes I am completely not in control of my emotions. It's like PMS-ing, but more unpredictable. One moment I'll be fine, and then something will be said or done that will cause me to tense up all in my chest, and it seems impossible to shake the feeling. Then something as equally trivial will cheer me up and I'll be fine again. R-O-L-L-E-R-C-O-A-S-T-E-R.
Also, I worry about stupid things sometimes. Like, one of my concerns right now is how much the baby is learning from what he hears from me. More particularly (and you're going to laugh, no matter how much I beg you not to) I worry that if I sing off-key, he'll be tone deaf, or have a really bad musical ear. I've been SO conscious of not singing off-key, and I feel guilty every time I hear myself go flat. See? Stupid. Or is it? What do you think? Do you think I'm on to something, or do you think (like Matthew does) that I'm silly and it doesn't matter?
Anyway, yesterday I was going to take an update photo to post for the 7-month shot, but I just didn't feel like it. Matthew took some of me, but in my crabby state yesterday, I put them all in the recycling bin. I didn't like the angle. Or my hair. Or my hunchback. So you might not get a 7-month update photo. Sorry folks!
Everything is going well though. I had a mw appointment on Tuesday, and I'm measuring right on track, the baby was kicking so much it was hard to hear the heartbeat, my blood pressure is fine, blah blah blah. It's all kinda unexciting at the moment, but boring is good, I'm told. Oh, and he's still head down. May he stay that way!
I've booked a 3D ultrasound for a couple weeks from now, and I'm super excited about it.
AND that's really all I can think of! Sorry it's all baby. You really shouldn't be surprised though. I don't work, I don't go to school (right now) and I pretty much sit around at home all day wishing there was something I could do to speed up the process or prepare for baby. On Saturday I cleaned for about 8 hours, and then I cried because my feet and legs hurt so bad. And now my house is pretty spotless, and there's no cleaning left for this week! What was I thinking???
Anyway, sorry to cut this short (well, it's not REALLY short) but Matt will be here any minute to pick me up and I'm not even ready. Oops. Sorry Matt.
I'll post again soon if I can think of anything exciting.
2 comments: