Chugging along...is that even the right phrase? Oh well. You get the picture!
I've been quiet in these parts lately, but mostly because I don't know what to say. Nothing is really happening worth noting, at least not until this week. Things have calmed down so much since my worries before that I mostly forget that I'm pregnant. Mostly. I can't entirely forget because, well, here, take a look for yourself:
That's 10w0d for ya! I feel enormous, like, this is how I looked when I was 20+ weeks pregnant with Elijah. I'm wearing 1/2 maternity tops and 1/2 normal tops, depending on my mood.
Clothing has been a really frustrating part of my life lately. I know it seems shallow to be bothered by something like clothing, but until the last 4-5 days I felt like every morning I was fighting a battle with my closet, and that I was losing. My regular tops made me look pregnant, my maternity tops DEFINITELY made me look pregnant, and I felt like such a fraud, walking around looking so pregnant when I wasn't even in the double-digits yet. Now that I've hit 10 weeks though I feel a lot better, and I'm not afraid of someone asking me how far along I am. Before I was, because then I'd have to answer, "7.5 weeks..." or something lame like that and feel all fat and embarrassed. Shallow, I know, but it was how I felt. Like I didn't want the fuss and attention until it was all fine and dandy.
It only occurred to me after-the-fact that if it's a complete stranger, I could just lie. "35 weeks...oh yeah, I carry it inwards!!!" or some such other nonsense! The reality is, I probably wouldn't have the guts to say it. **sigh**
So now I've come to a truce with my closet. I'm pregnant, so I'm just going to look it. And proudly!
We've also told the world in general since my last post. It started that day when I told a few people and one person didn't hear me say not to tell anyone, and then I started getting "congratulations" at church, and I decided I'd rather be the one to tell people than have it spread like that, so tell people I have. And so far I haven't gotten any negative or annoying comments! You know, the sort like, "See? I knew you just needed to relax!!" or "As soon as you moved into that tiny apartment you got pregnant!" or "Oh my, they'll be awfully close in age..." None of that yet. So yay!
Here's something interesting. I could definitely feel my uterus by 9 weeks. From what I've read it doesn't "pop" usually until 11-13 weeks, but I popped at the latest by 9. Part of me wonder if it's twins, but the other part knows it isn't. My numbers weren't exceptionally high, and it doesn't sound like there are two in there when we hear the hb. Also, my u/s only showed one, but then I know it's possible for the 2nd to be hiding behind the 1st, and my uterus has come up awfully soon. And THEN on the other hand my mw pointed out that I don't have symptoms indicating twins. So no, I'm going to assume it's not twins, and that my uterus is overexcited, or just tilted forwards.
Either way, I'll know for sure by the 23rd, as that's when I go for my NT scan, so hurrah for more ultrasounds! And yes, after much debate I decided to go for the screening u/s and bloodwork. In the end I realized that my rosy idea of softening the blow of a disability by holding a beautiful baby in my arms was, quite honestly, a complete joke. Having a newborn was harder than I ever thought it'd be, and now I'll have Elijah too. For Elijah's milk allergy I've felt so overwhelmed and under-prepared, and I know some time to research it before I addressed it would have helped. This is the same, but times 100. I'll worry, lose some sleep, but in the end, when and if I see something or am faced with a difficulty, I'll be able to say, "oh, I've heard of that, I read it somewhere..." which would ease my mind a lot I know. And hey, free ultrasound.
OH this week has been a good one though! I realized that my fears have really decreased since my 8w ultrasound, because I'm no longer worried about it being ectopic. Also, this Wednesday (at 10w) I tried with my home doppler and found the heartbeat! It was so fantastic to just lie there and listen to it. We timed it and it was beating away at 162 bpm. Then I got to hear it at my mw appointment on Friday, and it was even better because she found it right away and it was so loud and clear.
Soooo I guess all I have to say is that right now, life is good. Surreal, but good. I really am just chugging along. I feel like time is going so quickly and I love it. I can't wait for the milestones like kicking, knowing if this baby is a he or a she, and showing so much that there is no question as to my pregnant-ness. At the moment I hear whispers every time I walk in to my university class. No-one has got up the courage to ask me yet, and as I don't have any friends in the class, there's no impartial person to ask either. I find it amusing though.
Anyway, my husband is falling asleep in the arm chair and I'm tired too, so I'm going to head off to bed a little early, in preparation for daylight savings tomorrow.
Oh, but before I go, a recent (adorable!) picture of Elijah, because he makes all things in life brighter and better:
