On Sunday MMC from Mommy's Midlife Crisis was so kind as to decide that my little blog here deserves an award. And not just any award. I have been given the Beautiful Blogger Award!
I want to thank MMC for this award, and let her now how excited about and honoured by it I am. I started this blog with the simple intent of keeping family and friends updated on what's going on in Matthew's and my life in our neck of the woods, and I never really thought it'd be passingly interesting to anyone who doesn't know us. It has kind of morphed from its original purpose, as I've used it instead as a place to write my thoughts, feelings and (perhaps a little too often) frustrations on life in general, and I'm so flattered that anyone should like to read my blog at all, let alone give me an award for it. So thank-you!!!Anyway, here are the award rules, explaining how it works, so to speak.
1) Thank the person(s) who nominated you for this award . (done. But as an aside, don't you hate when you're told to thank someone? It makes your actual, sincere thanks a little bit cheap, like you wouldn't have said thank-you anyway. Which I totally would have!)
2) Copy the award and place it in your blog. (done. Note the new little side-button picture thing!)
3) Link to the person(s) who nominated you for this award. (done in the thanks above, but here's one more for good measure: Mommy's Midlife Crisis)
4) Tell us 7 interesting things about you . (done, although I chose to do 7 random things about me instead, and then you can be the judge as to whether or not they're interesting!)
5) Nominate 7 bloggers and link to their blogs. (done. See below!)
So first, 7 random things about me.
1) First I'll mention my OCD tendencies, because they make me laugh and you'll see right off the bat how random I am.
See, sometimes I think I'm OCD. I know everyone has a bit of OCD in them, but I think I'm a bit more OCD than the average Joe. For one thing, I count stairs. In places I frequent I can always tell you how many stairs there are per flight. I'd like to say this is so that I don't trip and fall when I'm carrying something that blocks my vision, but in reality, I just do it. In fact, I do it every time I'm climbing or descending stairs, I just only remember the number of the places I frequent. So there's OCD example 1.
OCD example 2 is that I really like palindromes on the odometer in my car. It excited me to no end when the k's were still below 100,000 and there was a palindrome every 110 km. Now it only happens every 1100 km, so it's an even bigger deal. I just think it looks so complete and cool. That's not necessarily OCD though. I guess the OCD comes in where I can't bear to look at the odometer when it's off by 1. It really bothers me. Like when it's 193392 instead of 193391. I'll soak up the perfectness of 193391 and then force myself to look away until it's well past 193392 because it bugs me to even see the odometer change from the one to the other.
OCD example 3 is a recent one. On Saturday Matt and I went to Walmart, and while there we picked up some hangers. Okay, so it was more than some hangers. It was a set of 30 white hangers of the type that I like. I was pretty excited about these new hangers. Here's why.
Some months ago I went through Matthew's and my closet. There were a ton of white hangers, and a moderate number of blue hangers, and then a bunch of hangers that were random colours. Of course the random colours bothered me, so I spent an hour hanging all of Matt's clothes on the blue hangers and all of my clothes on the white hangers, and then I put the random hangers in our front closet. But ohhh, what a problem for me it was when Matthew grabbed a white hanger to hang his shirt on, simply because the white hanger was closest to the end of the bunch of hangers. From that point on I kept Matt's blue hangers on the end, hoping he'd get the picture.
Recently, however, he ran out of blue hangers and had to use my white ones again. There was nothing to be done, so I just let it be, but it stilled irked me, because his solitary white hanger didn't match the rest of his blue hangers.
So when we were at Walmart I noticed this huge bunch of my favourite white hangers. I looked for blue ones for Matt, but couldn't find any. That's okay though, because my solution was to go through his entire wardrobe and replace the blue ones with white. Problem solved, right? Wrong! See, before I was just using all these mismatched white hangers, and using my favourite sturdy ones for the clothes I used the most. But now that I had a near endless supply of my favourite white ones, what was to stop me from only using my favourite ones? So I went through my wardrobe and replaced my mismatched white ones too. Which then got relegated with the blue ones to the hallway closet downstairs. I also had purchased a group a thick, sturdy blue hangers for heavy coats, so I rehung all of our coats in the closet, using Matt's old blue hangers for my spring jackets, and the sturdy blue ones for all the winter coats. Now there is a supply of matching blue thin and blue sturdy hangers ready to be used in the closet, along with some neutral white ones in case the blue ones run out with company over. And I totally threw out the mismatched hangers and the 20 wire ones that were in there from before, because we'd never need that many hangers, and those ones just didn't match.
So there. Is that OCD enough for you? And while we're on the topic of hangers, I must say I love plastic hangers. Growing up I only used wire ones, and I envied the plastic ones, but they cost money, and why spend money on plastic hangers when you have an endless stockpile of wire ones at your disposal? Then when I moved out I had to buy hangers and you can only buy plastic, but I didn't mind. I felt so posh and expensive buying the plastic ones, and I'm afraid I can just never go back to wire. They are an insult to my clothing.
2) While we're on the topic of shopping, I might as well continue and tell you the honest to goodness truth about my shopping tendencies. See, the truth is, shopping makes me happy. It's so materialistic, and I wish it wasn't true, but it is. There is something very exciting about buying new things to me, and it's easy for me to get carried away. I loved the movie, "Confessions of a Shopaholic" because, while I'm not a shopaholic (or maybe I'm just in denial...) I could totally empathize with a lot of the feelings she expressed. It made the movie quite hilarious to me because I could see how ridiculous I am sometimes. And I know it is complete ridiculousness.
But the fact remains that there is a thrill associated with buying things. When I am feeling down and Matt asks what would make me feel better, my mind always flicks to things to buy. Sad, huh? And when I'm feeling blue and can't think of anything I'd like to do, shopping always cheers me up.
Just so that you don't think I'm terribly selfish and materialistic, however, I have to admit that shopping makes me feel horrible if I'm buying something we can't afford, or if I go overboard and buy too much. I can just feel Matt's disapproval, and I feel about 3 inches tall. Not that he makes me feel that way on purpose, I just feel like I've let him down. So he's helped A LOT since we've been married, because I'm finally accountable to someone other than myself. If I wasn't I'd have a hard time budgeting and meeting payment deadlines, but I am so much better at saving and not spending too much since Matthew and I got married, and I completely have him to thank for it.
3) Okay, now for something (a little) less quirky, just so people don't think I'm entirely insane.
Random thing number 3 is how much I miss being pregnant. It's funny to think of when I have this amazingly adorable little boy to hug and hold and kiss all over, but I really really do miss it.
I miss feeling him kick inside of me, and the miracle of this big belly carrying a complete and separate being inside of me. I miss singing and knowing he can hear me. I even miss wondering when he'll be born, how much he'll weigh, what he'll look like, and so on. Isn't that silly? All the things that drove me nuts before.
I think back on labour and delivery, and I miss that too. Because WOW that was an exciting time! It hurt like the dickens, but it was so thrilling and emotional. I'm really looking forward to experiencing it again. Waking up because my waters broke and knowing that this would be the day my son is born.
I miss the excitement of finding out I'm pregnant and deciding how and when I'm going to tell people. I miss deciding whether we're going to find out if it's a boy or girl, and I miss ultrasounds with little babies on the screen.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm so HAPPY to have my little boy here. There are things I'm experiencing now that I'm soon going to look back on and miss too, so I'm trying to soak it all in. Instead of counting down the weeks, I'm counting up the weeks. Instead of rejoicing in milestones such as viability, eyesight and lung development, I'm charting milestones like laughter, cooing, and sleeping through the night. Instead of enjoying first heartbeats, ultrasounds and kicks, I'm enjoying first time out with the stroller, first time at church, first time breastfeeding away from home.
Of course life is beautiful and better now than when I was pregnant. It's moving forwards and progressing, and I'm so grateful for that. I'm just also very appreciative of the time I could spend pregnant, and wildly excited to do it again soon. But not too soon, because I want to fully enjoy my sweet little baby Eli.
4) I'm pretty sure my biggest character flaw is a lack of diligence, or to put it bluntly, laziness. In saying so, I'm not trying to state how awesome I am because I have such a seemingly minor character flaw, while others that I could have as my biggest one are much more serious. Quite the contrary. I think lazy is one of the worst things someone could possibly be, and it sucks.
There is so much that I'm capable of. There's so much EVERYONE is capable of, if we just manage to use the time given us wisely. So often I feel like 24 hours in a day is just not enough, but it's usually after having spent my morning reading blogs, looking at houses on mls.ca, pricing things I'll likely never buy, picking out bedding sets that I'd like to buy for the nursery (okay, so that wasn't a recent one, but I seriously wasted hours online doing that...) and so on. All that time wasted. Or not wasted, because they aren't particularly bad things to be doing. They're just not things that will build me and mold me into the person I want to become.
Here's a little anecdote that I really like. I can't remember if it's a true story or not, but I simply love the attitude. There was this old lady who was 80 years old. One day she told her daughter that she was going to go to university and get a bachelor's degree. The daughter laughed at her because, not only was the idea of an 80-year-old going to university with a bunch of 20-year-olds ludicrous, but the probability of her graduating was slim given her advanced age. The daughter (who, herself, was in her 50's) said to her mother, "Mom, do you know how old you'll be when you graduate???" to which the old lady replied, "Yes daughter. The same age I'll be if I don't graduate." This lady totally understood the concept of using your time to do worthwhile things, and exactly how much one person is capable of if they put their mind to it.
I so WANT to be like that. I want to be the person who has a new craft every day for their kids, who keeps a clean house, makes meals for her family, can sing, play piano, sew, make things with her own hands, spend time playing with her kids and kissing their scraped knees, and still have time to think about the needs of other around her. But when it comes down to it, I squander my time and don't have much to show for my day and all I've done. And it's all because of a lack of diligence. A lack of that determination to make something more of myself.
This lack of diligence doesn't just affect life in general though. How motivated can a lazy person be to say prayers, read scriptures, and seek after spiritual things? Do I expect everything to be handed to me, and to come without work attached? I want to be a grade 10 pianist, but do I want to work for it? I want a masters degree, but do I really understand the sacrifice and time that goes into it? I really, truly do want to inherit the celestial kingdom, but is that desire enough to keep me moving throughout the day, doing things that will draw me closer to the spirit, and strengthen me, preparing me for that day?
**sigh** yes, I know my shortcomings, and they are many. I feel that my pride, desire for materialistic things, difficulty not judging others, and short temper are failings, indeed, but none of them are so great life-altering as my laziness, which affects my motivation to overcome each of those faults in turn.
So lately I've been working really hard at being productive. I've been starting with little things, like getting dressed and ready for the day in the morning rather than the afternoon, simply because it's good for my psyche, and finding a chore to do around the house so that they don't all pile up on me and make me feel unorganized. I'm determined to do something about this, and I know it won't come overnight. This is really a lifelong pursuit, but I hope to have made enough progress in the next few years that my son won't learn to be lazy from me. I want so much to be a good example for him, and to teach him diligence, but I know that in order to do so, I must be diligent myself.
So there. That's random, and long, but it's something personal about myself, and who doesn't find a person's deepest character flaws interesting?? ;)
5) I am a self-proclaimed closet nerd (who I suppose is coming out of the closet, given the public nature of this blog...ha.) I make a fool of myself dancing and singing along to music in my car, I enjoy spending my time reading and doing crafts that apparently only old people do, like cross-stitching, I couldn't tell you the first thing about what is fashionable to wear these days, I most often don't wear make-up because it's too much work when I don't think I look that bad, I feel extremely awkward on the phone with people and say things at the wrong time feeling like a moron and hanging up feeling convinced the person on the other line thought so too, even if they're a close friend, I actually really enjoy a good fantasy novel as long as it's not too wordy or cliche, I enjoy playing board games more than video games, I subconsciously dance along whenever Matt sings a song or taps out a beat, I make faces at myself in the mirror when no-one's looking, sometimes I repeat conversations aloud when I think I'm alone just to try to remember how I might have sounded to the other person when I said what I said, and (trust me, this is a big confession) when Matt got the stuff to sell Dungeons and Dragons and brought it home to test it out, I played too and actually really enjoyed it. I find role-playing games fun, even if I'm terrible at them because I feel too silly pretending to be anyone other than myself. To me it's just one big board game though.
So yes, big closet nerd. I think most people knew I was a nerd to begin with (let's face it, I've never been popular. In fact, I was the kid who got made fun of by the popular kids, and could therefore be termed the LEAST popular and the biggest nerd) but I bet it was quite the revelation, realizing I'm an even BIGGER nerd than you ever thought! You know what though? While in highschool I had a hard time with nerd-status, but I've since wised up. I don't think it's such a big deal, and I like who I am, so what do I care if I don't have someone's social approval? At least, I tell myself that most of the time, and try to believe it 100%, but who doesn't wanted to be universally accepted?
6) I'm starting to run out of random things, let alone interesting things about myself, so I'll just revert to silly things I've done in the past, shortening up each thing or else you're not going to want to read any more of my long long posts.
I lived up north for the summer between grades 12 and OAC, working at an icecream store called 3 Cows and a Cone. The summer was a complete bust because my boyfriend worked at the same place and the owner decided to schedule us on alternating shifts, so I'd work 10-4 and he'd work 4-10. I didn't save money because I was terrible at saving then, and I came home from the summer convinced that my boyfriend of 1 year was going to dump me the second he got to university. I mean, the guy practically asked for permission to do so, saying that if I were to go away to university and meet someone great, he would want me to "go for it" and he'd totally understand...hint hint...Yeah. The guy totally expected me to say, "yeah, I feel the same way!" Not happening. Then when I dumped him a month later he had the audacity to say it was mutual! Coward. So what a dumb summer!
BUT the icecream store was actually really fun and had SO many flavours. My favourites were peaches and cream, turtles, something to do with pecans, and banana chocolate frozen yogurt.
I still have family up there who Matthew and I are going to go up and visit this summer, and I totally plan on dragging Matthew around to my old haunts. 3 Cows and a Cone, swimming off the docks downtown (or maybe just walking along them, given we'll have a 6-month-old with us!), the best poutine on the island (purchased from the competing icecream store) hiking at the Cup and Saucer, fresh fish and chips, and swimming at Low Island. I have some pretty fun memories of being up north with friends, and doing some crazy stupid things that I'd never do now, like jumping off the bridge, or walking across the ice at Low Island to see the ruins on the other side. I'm glad my mom didn't know about those things until it was too late to punish me for them.
7) As uninspired as this 7th random thing about me will be, I'm going to tell you about my dream house, because I'm otherwise out of things to say.
I dream of living in an old house of unspecified size. There must a walk-up attic, two staircases going from the main floor to the second floor, bay windows, a library with a fireplace and big comfy chairs in it, and a large kitchen with an island that you can eat at. I have a few dream libraries, one being the one from Beauty and the Beast (SO unattainable) the one from Casper, and the one from My Fair Lady. That ones isn't so unattainable, and it's fun because it has a second floor and a spiral staircase. Which spiral staircase wouldn't count as one of the two staircases from upstairs to downstairs. OH and there must be a secret room or passageway somewhere, very Nancy Drew style. I want a walk-in closet with a window in it, and I want the house to be surrounded by an orchard, so that I can revel in the blossoms in springtime.
I'm pretty sure my dream house doesn't exist, because it's combining houses I've seen in movies and in real life throughout the years, but I'll completely settle for building said dream house instead of finding it. Especially because I care about the outside of the house too. Oh, and in the dream house there must be lovable nooks and crannies, like a landing with a bay window and bench seat half-way up the stairs, or shelves built into the wall, or laundry chutes or dumb waiters. Except the last two can be dangerous with kids.
Well folks, there you have it. 7 random things about me, and probably a whole lot of extra junk and thoughts that you weren't anticipating or wanting. How nice for you! ;) I am a teeny bit sorry if I bored you, but only a teeny bit because, hey, it's my blog.
Aaaaaaaaand now for my own Beautiful Blogger awards!
This is tough because there are so many blogs that I read where the people don't even know I exist, so how on earth am I supposed to give them an award? I think I won't worry about it, and I'll just confer the award while referring you to their awesome blogs. Because even if they don't know I exist, I think other people should know they exist, I love them that much.
So, without further adieu, here they are:
1) Confessions of a Kin Major - okay so Red knows I exist, but I love her blog! She's so open about her fitness goals and the obstacles she faces while working all the while to get in shape. I admire her diligence (given my lack of it) and how she'll be honest with herself when she feels she needs to change (even if I think she's too hard on herself a lot of the time!)
2) The R House - I've mentioned this blog before, and I'm 99.9% sure she's not aware of me given that I don't comment very often, but I love reading this blog. Lindsey has been through the ringer with infertility and adoption and I admire her courage and wisdom throughout it all. She's an amazing adoption advocate and a very devoted mother, not to mention a clever and witty writer.
3) Kyla Roma - I found this blog through another blog's recommendation, and I really enjoy reading it. Kyla is very industrious and quite dedicated to living a quiet life doing fun things like make jam and have moustache parties with her friends. It's definitely a refreshing read.
4) Stefanie Jinelle's Journey - Stefanie is a proud birthmother who placed her baby for adoption 5 months ago. She's great at talking through her feelings and telling it like it is, and I really appreciate that (even though sometimes I'm not very good at it myself.)
5) Xbox 4 NappyRash - I'm still trying to figure this blog out, but I really love reading it. It is pregnancy from the perspective of the dad, and man, this guy can write. Mostly he throws a comedic spin on everything that his wife has to experience, but recently his daughter was born and his eloquence on the matter is heart-melting. I like to read just to see what he'll say next, and I'm never disappointed (though sometimes quite confused) by his posts.
6) Heather Now - This blog belongs to my sister-in-law's sister-in-law, and it's a great read. I love the crafts she does with her girls, and I'm jealous of her photography skills when it comes to these crafts and posting the results. She also charges for her photography services and posts sample photos of her sessions on the blog, so it's fun to look at and get ideas.
7) Enjoying the Small Things - This blog is a very very recent find. I was referred to it by my sister-in-law who sent an email out to her friends and family referring them to this woman's birth story, which truly is the most amazing thing to me. She gave birth to a baby girl about a week before I had Elijah, and they didn't know until she delivered that their girl has Down Syndrome. She had a really difficult time at first with this diagnosis, as she wrote about in the birth story (found here) but is amazingly resilient and optimistic (helped, of course, by her how beautiful her new little baby is, and how sweet her 2-year old girl is.) I want to be like her when I grow up. ;)
So there you have it. I think of all those only 2 know I exist, but if you were to just go there and check them out, I'm positive you won't be disappointed.
And now, my friends, I simply must finish this post. It has taken me forever (well over the 2 hours I usually have of free time in a day!) I started this morning around 10am, and I've been doing it on and off all day. It's now 3:15 and I need to have a belated lunch before my little boy wakes up and demands his own belated lunch, or early dinner.
Hopefully I'll have time to post again soon, but in light of my trying to be diligent and do more worthwhile things, please don't be surprised if it's another week or so before I post. I need to pull out that sewing machine, take some pictures of Elijah, and continue working on my riveting new book, so I might be a little busy! I hope you have an excellent week though, and if you're anywhere in Ontario, I hope you enjoy the big snowstorm that is coming our way tomorrow...I know I'm going to!
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