I am slowly going crazy, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, switch...

That's what's stuck in my head right now, and it's pretty darn accurate.

This last week has been Great. Yes, with a capital 'g'! But, the problem is, it's over now! And what else do I have left to count down to? Remember in November I started to go crazy, saying that 2 months is so long to wait day in and day out, but that it's not long enough to do anything that will really fill my time? Like, no work, no school, etc? I'm experiencing that times 10 right now.

See, my consolation then was in the things ahead of me to look forward to. Matthew reminded me that it was 3 weeks until my first shower, then a week and a half until my next shower, then 3 weeks until Christmas, and then 3 weeks until baby time.

Now it's just baby time.

I woke up this morning determined to answer everyone who asked, "How much longer do you have left?" with the response, "Ohh, 3 or 4 weeks" just to throw them and encourage the whole end of January mentality. But I found myself unable to give that answer. Why? Because I'm just too darn excited! I've waited a long time for it to be this close, and I just couldn't lie and say it'll be another month when it's only about 2 week away. 2 WEEKS AWAY.

And yes, I am well aware that it's very easy to calculate the due date when I say things like that. Go for it. In fact, here. I'll do it for you. January 14th (2 weeks on Thursday). Or the 11th if you ask the ultrasound tech (2 weeks yesterday). And that makes me 38 weeks today (for reasons best known to myself). Phew! I don't know if I'm relieved or if I feel like I'm sharing some precious secret. Probably more relieved. It's been too hard to keep the due date to myself. I think I'll still not tell everyone at church, because some snobby part of me doesn't want to let that go, especially when I'm asked 10 times a Sunday, and by the same people who asked the week before. Pride. It'll be the fall of me.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the whole 2 week bit. So it *could* be any day. Or it could really, honestly be 4 weeks from now. Hence the craziness! When? When? WHEN?!

I'm ready, the house is ready, I'd love for him to come like, NOW, because we just cleaned the house yesterday. I don't want to do another full house clean before he comes, but I will if he waits a while longer.

And it's not even that I'm wanting him to come because I'm sick of being pregnant. I just want to meet him, hear him cry, see what he looks like, and have Matthew enjoy the closeness and joy of providing for him as I've done for the last number of months.

But I can see how, when people get to the end, they get sick of being pregnant. At least, if what I've been feeling lately keeps up, I can totally see how people get sick of the whole pregnancy bit.

I'm not sick of it, until recently I felt like I could handle being pregnant forever. But then, this morning I had a Primary activity, and I basically sat for 20 minutes out of the 3 hours I was there, and I was almost in tears on my way home, my back hurt so much. It still does, but thankfully, now I'm sitting.

I realized something about myself today, by the way. Some people might say that I don't know my own limits. They'd be wrong on that count though. I DO know my own limits. I am actually hyper aware of everything my body does and what I feel comfortable with. So no, that's not my problem. My problem is that I have a really (and I mean REALLY) hard time letting other people know my limits. I feel like I've been so healthy and well without a right to complain this entire pregnancy that, now that I'm nearing (or am AT) the end, I have a hard time letting go of the "I'm able to do anything" mentality, and slow down, because I feel like people will think I'm lazy or something. Like I'm making it up. So I keep going as if I'm Wonder Woman and not about to have a baby, and I don't complain or let people know how much pain I'm in until it's kindof too late, and I'm ready to break down and cry because I simply can NOT stand any longer.

Anyway, there was my self-realization for the day.

I should probably wrap this up now and ramble later, as I have a midwife appointment in 20 minutes that I don't want to be late for. I'll probably post again this evening or something.

Please tell me I'm not the only one...

...who still gets so excited about Christmas that she can't fall back asleep once it's past a certain time on the clock. I feel so childish, but I just can't help myself! Even if I had one of the worst night's sleep ever, which I kinda did. More to come on that front.

Matthew and I set the alarm for 7am so that we'd have time to gift exchange and shower before going to his parents' for 9. Of course I woke up at 5:53 needing to go pee, and could not fall back asleep for the life of me. I considered waking him up anyway, but he needs his sleep for 2 big reasons. Reason 1 - he got up in the middle of the night to take care of me when I was wimpering. Reason 2 - He needs to be well rested if he's going to avoid getting the bug that I had all day yesterday, spoiling my Christmas Eve day. I don't want him to go through that!

So for another 5 minutes, he sleeps. I can wait 5 minutes.

Oh, wait. The clock in the bedroom must be off from this one, because the alarm went off. That means...PRESENT TIME!!! :D Excuse me while I exchange gifts with the one I love.

Merry Christmas!

Mostly about baby

Lots has been going on with us lately, we've been really busy with Christmas celebrations and family get-togethers. I'm sure the week will only get busier and busier...I look forward to it actually! I *love* Christmastime.

That being said, however, this post will really only be about 5% what we've been up to and 95% baby update. Because I had, what I felt to be, a great appointment this morning and I have lots to say about it!

First off, weekly appointments are fun! And I love seeing how things can change in the course of a week, which I'm sure is why I'm going every week now.

Today I found out I'm Group B Strep negative, so WOO HOO, no antibiotics during labour! That means if all goes well, I won't have to be poked at all. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Also, my iron levels are looking great right now, I'm no longer anemic, so I guess the iron pills are really doing their thing. I'm going to stay on them, so that they can keep up the good work, but now I won't stress so much if I only manage to get down 2 out of 3 pills in a day, or if I have a little more milk. I've missed milk a lot, so I'm glad to not feel guilty about the random glasses I've had over the last little while.

I'm measuring right on track, and I am so excited to say that I am now full-term! No, that doesn't mean I've hit my due date, you become full term a little bit before the actual due date, but it basically means that if Elijah were to be born now, he would no longer be considered premature. He might weigh a little less now than if he stayed in longer, but these last few weeks are basically for adding on extra fat layers, and he'd be none the worse for wear from coming early.

So now that I'm full-term, I can start doing all the things that are supposed to induce labour. You know, drinking castor oil (HA! As if I'd actually down that stuff...) eat pineapple (no thank-you!) and going for long walks (in this temperature? I think I'll pass.) There are other methods that sound more appealing to me, however, like acupressure, eating spicy foods, having massages, and drinking certain herbal concoctions in the form of herbal tea. I think even the walking wouldn't be too bad on windless days like today. OR maybe I can just go to the mall...that would involve lots of walking!

In reality, none of these things will bring on labour if my body is not already ready for it. But it'll be fun to try, and who knows when my body will actually be ready?

Which leads me to another thing from my appointment today. I have apparently been having contractions! SUPER mild, not even once a day every day contractions, but contractions nonetheless. Excited? I should think so! I wasn't totally sure if that's what I had been feeling, but I had suspected as much, because when I described what I have been feeling, it sounded like how you'd describe a contraction. Like, starting out feeling like a light period cramp, and then my lower back hurting too, like a belt of pain, and then it'd go away. I felt one Sunday, none yesterday at all, and one today. SO not even enough to bother timing and seeing how many minutes (hours, days...) were in between each one. But it's apparently a really good sign of my body getting ready.

We also figured the reason for these random contractions is because of the baby's positioning. He's still head down and anterior (YAY) and he's gone from being "I'd call that engaged" to "wow, he's very engaged" with a look of surprise from my midwife. Thrills, I tell you, THRILLS. She said she couldn't move his head around at all, it was too deep in my pelvis. Hence the random contractions and weakness when walking.

Pretty freaking excited.

So I've discovered that it's really difficult to expect to go late when you're hoping and hoping to go early. Way more difficult than I thought it'd be. I'd love to think everything I've been feeling points towards going early, but in reality, I know that it doesn't and that I could still go a week or two late and it'd still be in the realm of normal. If nothing else, however, I'm glad to know that my body is behaving as it should and getting ready.

I get asked a lot if I'm getting nervous or anxious. I tend to respond to this questions with, "I'm trying to not think about it," but I don't think this is the right way to answer, because most often people either apologize for bringing it up, or say, "Okay, we won't talk about it then," which is kindof like saying there's lots to talk about that I'm just avoiding. That's not it at all though. I guess what I really mean is I'm trying to not dwell on the pain and how much it's going to hurt. I know it'll hurt, I know there's no way to know how much, and I know that I'll get through it. I also know that the more I fear the pain, the more it'll hurt (ironic, isn't it?) So I just look at the pain as an eventuality. At some point in the future I will feel a whole lot of pain. That much is certain, but then, no pain, no gain right? Feeling the pain means gaining this little baby inside of me. And as I think and type this out, I realize that I'm kindof looking forward to the pain and the process because of how special it is.

Would I feel so okay with pain if it were a kidney transplant or a knee replacement? No, definitely not. That pain is all hurt. But this pain will be hurt mingled with joy.

So there's my take on it. Now, how on earth I would explain that to someone asking me and expecting a simple answer, I have no clue. **sigh** Oh well. It's a good conversation piece anyway. ;)

I think one reason I'm looking forward to labour and delivery so much (apart from the obvious) is because I've decided recently (like, a week and a half ago) to have a home birth. At first I was unsure of this decision, but the more time passes, the better I feel. Take the pain, for example. When I picture being in pain and delivering at the hospital, I do feel nervous and anxious. I feel like there is so much unknown territory, and I feel this little ball of tension growing in my chest. When I picture the same thing at home, however, I feel a warm fuzzy feeling that speaks peace to the tension and settles me in a way that actually really surprises me. It's a lot more to prepare for, and it makes me feel a little stressed about the condition of the house right now, and the fact that the Christmas decorations are still up (and yes, I realize Christmas hasn't even passed yet...) but I feel...confident. I don't know how else to put it. Also, the idea of Matt leaving me when I'm in labour to call and give updates to excited grandparents (to be!) is a lot less upsetting when I imagine him going downstairs to the kitchen to use the phone, rather than down the hall to some unknown place. Am I making sense?

So there. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I'd mention my decision to do a home birth on my blog at all. I'm still not totally sure why I did, I think it's because I'm excited about it. My worry was that I'd get all these well-meaning people warning me against it and what a bad idea it was and how babies DIE at home births and how dangerous they are, and I just don't feel like hearing about that. I don't think anyone can or will tell me anything I haven't heard and considered already, so (in the nicest way possible...!) please don't badger me with those comments, as I'll just ignore you and do what I feel is right for me, Matthew, and the baby. And I really really do feel that this is right and good.

I think that's all of the baby stuff I wanted to mention today. I'm getting more excited by the minute! I want labour to happen, and not so that I can be relieved of this burden and take back my body. In fact, I hardly feel like that at all; I don't feel remotely as lousy as I expected to feel this far along. No, I want labour to happen for the simple reason that I want to meet this little baby who has been kicking me. I want to see his chubby cheeks, hold him in my arms, and just revel in his sweetness and newness. THAT'S what I'm getting impatient for. It's a little harder now, being full term, and knowing that he'd be safe if he came now, and still needing to wait. My baby ticker countdown tells me it'll be soon though. And that's just until my due date! It's hard to believe that if he came early, it'd be even sooner than soon. Ahh, and there's the familiar feeling of disbelief sinking in...

Anyway, I'll just wrap this up with some *ACTUAL* Matt and Holly updates. As in, what we've been up to these last few days.

Saturday I had a glorious day with Matthew. We haven't had a Saturday off together since early October. We ran errands, fixed the fan in our bathroom, made buttertarts, played some new games that we bought, and just relaxed. Then in the evening we had dinner at his grandmother's place in celebration of Christmas, because they're not here this week.

Saturday was church, and it was a great meeting. I especially loved Primary, and the kids who were dressed up to re-enact the nativity scene and the story of Jesus' birth. Then we came home, but not until we had made arrangements for a new driver for a couple people at church. See, every week we normally drive a couple guys we know to church, and one of them home after choir. BUT because of our baby coming, we're not going to have room for both of them, and as they live at the same place, we arranged for someone else to drive them instead. And you KNOW you're getting close when you make new plans like that! I honestly didn't mind driving them each week, but I'm seriously excited about installing the carseat and driving around with it in the backseat from now on. SERIOUSLY.

Oops, more baby. Sorry!

Sunday night was the Christmas cantata, and it was great. Our choir sounded awesome, and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and feel the spirit there. And, besides all that, I have never seen the chapel so packed with people. We had to open up the over flow to fit everyone, and there were still some people who opted to stand together rather than find seats not beside eachother. And then it started snowing lightly Sunday night until Monday evening, and now there's a light dusting of white, making everything feel more Christmas-y.

Yesterday was Matt's mum's birthday, so we went out for lunch to celebrate and then gathered with a bunch of other family members at Matt's parents' place yesterday evening for cake and icecream.

And then today was my appointment, and that's about it!

Tomorrow I have a hair appointment, and I'm tossed up about what to do at it. I've been avoiding cutting my hair shorter because I didn't know if my face would swell a lot with this pregnancy, but it hasn't and I'd like it to be cute and swishy. At the same time though, I like my long hair. Hmm.

Well I had better finish this up. I have a lot to do, and yet I think I'd rather nap, so I'm off to bed for a bit. I probably won't post again before Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! Have a safe, joyous, wonderful holiday eating turkey, spending time with family, and (most importantly) remembering and giving thanks for the birth of Jesus Christ, who made this season, and all good things, possible.

Warning: extraordinarily long post ahead. Proceed with caution.

I'm sorry that I've been completely slacking in my posting skillz this month! To be honest, I keep thinking of things to post, and then I decide that it's not exciting enough, or I forget about it completely. Here's what's going on with Matt and I.

We've been rather busy in the evenings, although not with anything that would sound exciting. Monday we went to Matt's parent's for dinner and to practice the song that he and his brothers are singing this Sunday for the cantata. Tuesday evening we had a couple friends over for chicken wings and LOTR 2, Wednesday Matt had a business meeting and then we vegged a bit...I finally got around to putting in the last half of Pride and Prejudice, but when I started falling asleep at the part where Mr. Darcy hears about Lydia's leaving with Mr Wickham, I knew I was fighting a losing battle, because who could fall asleep at the most exciting part? Last night we had a choir practice for Sunday, and tonight we have a missionary home-coming party. It doesn't stop there though! Tomorrow night we have an early Christmas dinner at Matt's grandmother's, Sunday is the cantata, and Monday is family birthdays. Then we have a couple nights free, but they're about to get booked too. It really makes me wonder what life will look like once the baby comes. I certainly cannot keep up this constant busy-ness, and I'm just counting on knowing instinctively what I can and cannot manage. We'll see anyway!

Surprisingly, I've been keeping myself busy during the days. Now, I say surprisingly because I haven't felt 100% this week, and throughout the majority of my pregnancy that would mean a bad day of staying in pyjamas, moping, and being in a funk until bedtime. It's definitely something I struggle with.

Lately it's been a lot easier when those funks come. I don't entirely know why, but I'm going to think it through here, okay? Okay.

The way I see it is, there are three options:

Option 1: Maybe it's because the baby is coming soon. Really soon. Like, a few days away from *technically* full-term soon. Perhaps this reality makes the difficult days easier to deal with.

Option 2: Maybe I've been nesty, and the reality that I only have so much time left has driven me to do things that I might not have time to do afterwards, so I'm trying to prepare now.

Option 3: Maybe it's because I've been dealing with this for so long that I've learned how to cope, and that I'll feel better if I forget about it and plug away at the day instead.

***Aside: has anyone ever seen Empire Records? I wouldn't recommend it, there's too much poop in the brownie. But it used to be my favourite movie in highschool, and as such, I watched it a million times, and know it practically off by heart. As a result, lines from the movie are always popping into my head, and then I feel sad because no-one gets the reference! Well, one just popped into my head now. It's where Lucas says, "It seems like a viable option...". It popped into my head after typing option number 3, and I really do think it's the most likely to be viable. End aside.***

So option 1. As much as excitement and count-downs drive me, they're really not enough to get me out of a funk. So no. Not option 1.

Option 2. Yes, I've been nesty, but only really baby nesty. I've wanted to do everything baby to the point where I realized today that there isn't anything baby left to do. My birth plan is typed and printed out. So are a list of phone numbers of people to call. My hospital bag is half-packed (I started yesterday, and can't add any more until I buy some things) the room is so set up that it's ridiculous, the clothes are organized, the diaper bag is packed. Like, really. The baby could come now and we'd be more than fine. **sigh** So, with me being so baby ready, you'd think I'd be spending all of my time lately cleaning, but I haven't been. To be honest, the cleaning nesty hasn't hit. I know this because when I think about how I want everything clean, I then think, "I'd rather wait until the baby is due to do those things, so I don't have to do them again..." hahaha. Lazy bum, I know.

Anyway, I guess Option 2 is slightly viable, because today I finished baby things and a slightly bad and unproductive day has ensued.

Onto Option 3. Personally, I think this is most likely. Why? Because I haven't felt bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and excited to stay home. Quite the opposite actually. I've had days that were this close to being bad days, where I just pulled myself off of my butt and did stuff any way. Wednesday was one of those. I actually got a lot done and I know it'd have been a bad day otherwise because no matter how much I did and how good about it I felt, I still felt this strong undercurrent of blahness threatening to disturb me. And still I worked away. In May or June, that feeling would have conquered, but it didn't Wednesday. It hasn't won for a while, actually, resulting in a productive me that says to Matt when he gets home, "Aren't you proud of me? I got so much done and I didn't want to do ANY of it!" I haven't even pouted for him to stay home with me for a while.

So there. Option 3 is, to me, the most viable. And that makes me feel good about myself, because sometimes I had a hard time with my decision to not go to school this past semester, even if I felt like it was the right thing to do. 99% of the time, the decision didn't make sense or seem remotely justified. It'd have filled my time, I've had a great pregnancy in terms of being able to leave the house and DO things, and yet I felt strongly impressed that it wasn't what I should do. I've wondered often since September WHY that should be the case. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe it's because this has been a really valuable and essential lesson for me to learn, and that this blahness that I've struggled with would have been 100 times more difficult to get through if I faced it with the the baby here already. Can you imagine me sitting around feeling blah and having a hard time motivating myself to do ANYthing when there's a little helpless baby depending on me to be strong and capable? I need to be able to plough through the bad times so that I can be good for this little baby boy I'm being entrusted with, and in hindsight, I'm so grateful for what I've learned. Even if it meant an entire pregnancy of cabin-fever and feeling like the world's most useless non-contributing zero EVER.

PHEW what a ramble. I didn't even come on here planning to write all that, but I'm glad I did.

So where was I? Oh right, how busy we've been.

Last Saturday we did our prenatal training and it was great. Completely worth the $100. I learned so much that I felt overwhelmed by all of the information, and I left feeling completely ready and excited to put my new-found knowledge into practice. I also felt frustrated that I had to WAIT to do it, and you can bet I'll be doing every possible labour-inducing technique once I'm "full-term." Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. I guess if my due date comes and goes, then I'll know they don't really do a whole lot.

I learned some really interesting things there though. The first was a breathing exercise, and no, I don't mean the "hee-hee-hoooo" of lamaze. We had to squeeze an ice-cube in our hand for 1 minute, and BOY did I ever underestimate how much that would hurt. Here are some of the thoughts that were going through my mind in that minute:

-ahh, I see. She's trying to emphasize what a contraction will feel like
-I'm glad the guys are doing this too, so that they realize to some extent how much it'll hurt
-wow, I never knew squeezing ice could hurt so much
-huh, that's strange. My wrist hurts too...and my arm. But only my hand is touching the ice...
-I wonder how much else of me will hurt during a contraction then...
-are you kidding me? It's only been 30 seconds?!
-how long do contractions normally last for anyway?
-probably 60 seconds.
-oh wait, that's just at first. Aren't they supposed to be minutes long towards the end of labour?
-dang it.
-yeah I can see why people get pain relief medication.
-maybe I'll just squeeze a little less tight. No-one would know...
-no, Holly. It's not like you can get rid of a contraction. Stop being a baby! It's just an ice-cube!
-well at least it's not just me who's weak. Everyone seems to suck at this.
-is it vindictive to be glad the guys are hurting too?
-whatever.

And then we dropped the ice cubes. My hand kept hurting and hurting, it took minutes for the sting and pulling sensation to subside. Imagine my feelings when she said we were going to do it again!

While we were massaging our sore hands our trainer talked to us about concentration, and focusing on our breathing. We talked about some of the thoughts that popped into our minds, and then she told us that whenever anything pops into our mind, we need to push it out. Especially thoughts like, "holy crap this hurts", "I just want to drop the ice-cube...", "how much longer is there???" and "is this what a contraction is going to feel like?" Instead we were to focus on our breath going in and out, how slow or fast we are breathing, how deeply we are inhaling, and so on.

She had us close our eyes so that things on the table wouldn't distract us. Then we picked up the ice cubes again in the same hand as before, and we did the exercise all over again.

WOW what a difference! The time went by a lot faster, and I barely felt the pain. I did feel it at first, and whined in my head, thinking, "couldn't we have just picked it up in the other hand this time???" but then I pushed that thought out of my head. I was only conscious of the fact that something was in my hand half the time, and of the pain even less than that. When I did notice the pain, it was kindof surreal, and I felt much more able to handle it. Then we dropped the ice-cubes, and my hand didn't even hurt as much afterwards. It took less than a minute to go back to feeling normal, whereas the other time it had taken much longer.

So there's something I found completely enthralling! I want to do it again, just so I can get good at the concentration thing. I did it on Tuesday when I had my blood drawn and I, who am normally afraid of needles and tense up like you wouldn't believe, was just fine and even able to relax my body. Which was a good thing because I've never bruised so much by having blood drawn EVER. And I've had my fair share of pokes in my life.

Wow this is getting long, and I'm not even done yet! I'll pare down what else I was going to talk about.

I had a great midwife appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but I felt really good about everything afterwards. I had been anxious because I'm a month away from D-Day, and I still hadn't met one of the midwives on my team. See, I have 3 midwives, and they take turns being on call for delivery. This midwife is on call the week before and after I'm due, and I was kindof freaking out about having someone there to coach me who I didn't even know.

My worries were for nothing though. She's great. Like, one of those people you have an instant report with. She was happy to answer my long list of questions (longest list yet so far, actually. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to my questioning ways...) and she was just so nice. And encouraging/empowering. And I still have 2 more appointments with her before I'm due, so huzzah. I feel a lot better, needless to say!

So that made me feel good, and then our baby talk made me feel good. I'm measuring right on track (hurray for growing the appropriate amount!), baby Eli was kicking up a storm and had a heart rate of about 135-140 (it's pretty much been that for months, so everything is normal), he's still head down, AND he's not posterior.

See, I was quite sure he had turned so that he was back to back with me and I was pretty anxious about that as I want to deliver naturally and that'd be much more difficult with a posterior baby, but he was so far from posterior that it was funny. His back was straight down my front, running along the whole linea nigra line, he had one foot and hand to the side, and the kicks along the top that I had been feeling were not kicks, but rather his bum pushing against me when he would stretch. I hadn't thought of that! I figured because I was feeling movement in two places at once, that they were both feet.

OH and here's something that really excited me. He's already engaged. As in, he's already dropped. Why the italics? Because I didn't think he'd do that for another week or two at least. And, much as I'm trying to expect to go overdue, I also have heard from a large number of sources, that the baby is usually born within 3 weeks if he is engaged. So here's hoping. Not that I need anything else to make the wait more painful...

At the same time, I was completely disappointed to hear he'd already dropped. I really thought I'd be able to tell he had done so because he'd stop pushing on my ribs so much and I'd be able to breathe easier. At least, that's what I read everywhere. But no, no change in the breathing department whatsoever. In fact, I think he's trying to make use of the extra space to stretch out a little bit more. My ribs have apparently really been pushed outwards for him (or by him...) and so has something at the front, in the middle of my ribs. I don't remember what it's called, but it's making things awkward.

If I didn't feel other things, I might not actually believe my midwife's "I'd call that engaged" statement, but I've been feeling that pressure that people talk of whenever I walk. I used to just feel unsteady when I first got up in the morning, or to go pee, but now I feel it all the time. It's not too bad yet, but it's there.

Anyway, there's so much else I wanted to post on. How I went to the temple for the last time in a while, how I finished Christmas shopping, how I got $40 back off my carseat because it went on sale a week after I bought it, how I bought my lamp and mobile to match my set and it looks oh so lovely, how I'm starting Christmas baking tomorrow, lots of things. BUT, my friends, I need to go pee, and then I'm going to chill with Matt because he stayed home this afternoon to be with me. Isn't he the best? :D

I'll try to post again before Christmas (ONE WEEK MORE!) so that I don't wallop you all with another novel of a post...sorry about that!

Have a great week preparing for Christmas!!

P.S. For es and Red's benefit, I counted and fixed around 10 spelling mistakes, and I'm pretty sure I missed one. Just so you don't think I don't make any... ;)

I'm SO counting down...

I can't help it! I feel like my mind is completely consumed right now.

Want to know something completely ridiculous, that is probably going to make time go very slowly for me??? I've been going to this website pretty much every day, clicking in the baby's due date, and seeing how many days I have left. Even if I already remember because it's just yesterday's total minus one. I just like to see the number decreasing! I was pretty excited when the number got into the 50's, then the 40's, and then the 30's.

Do you see what I mean about how obsessive I get with dates?

And can I tell you a secret? Today is one month until the due date the ultrasound tech gave me. Yep, that's right, I'm leaking one teeny date for you just to make myself feel better. He said January 11th. Now, before you get all excited thinking you know the due date, just remember that the midwives have moved my dd around several times, so that it was nearly 2 weeks off from what the tech said at one point. I won't tell you where they left it. You'll just have to keep wondering.

So I'm pretty sure the countdown come January is going to kill me. But wait, I have a (small small) plan, just in case I go late (or rather, when I go late, because I probably will) just to make the due date seem a little less dreadful. I'm going to have a due date party. Nothing big, but I'd like to go pamper myself. Get dressed up, put on make-up, go and get my nails done, maybe buy something pretty and frivolous just for me, and have Matt take me out for dinner. One part of me is hoping to not have the due date party, and another part of me thinks it'd be fun to be in labour and have my toenails done up in a french manicure. It reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red the night before her first day at Chilton, because all good, posh private-school girls have red toenails underneath their perfect shoes.

Anyway, tomorrow is our day-long prenatal class, and I'm really looking forward to it. So that I feel more prepared, so that I feel Matthew is prepared, but mostly because I hope it makes me feel more pregnancy motivated.

This will seem totally backwards, so brace yourselves.

As much as I'm counting down day by day, it's always with this disbelief as to how close and real all of this is. I still don't feel too pregnant, just a little big in front and tired, and a little more emotional than normal. It's hard to convince myself that labour will happen, and it's therefore hard to prepare for it with any amount of enthusiasm. I have a hospital bag, but I don't feel like packing it, and I have pregnancy books to read about tips and tricks during labour to manage the pain, and I get bored reading them. As excited as I am about baby stuff, I'm having a hard time putting everything away in the room.

It's kind of weird, isn't it? It's all I've been working on or doing for the past 8 months, and it's almost like I don't want to do it any more. I can't even convince myself to clean the house top to bottom in anticipation of the baby, because he won't really be coming any time. Not really.

And yet, to contradict and complicate all of this further, I've been planning things and organizing timelines in my mind, so that I know how many times I'll do something before the baby comes. Like, I'm planning on getting my hair cut the week of Christmas so that it'll be nice and fresh. And I'll probably need to buy one more bag of cat food before the baby comes, just to make sure she has enough for when Rob stays here at the house. And (boys, if there are any boys reading this at all, just skip this next line if such things bother you) then there's shaving my legs. I still shave my calves every other day, but I've planned to shave my upper legs once in 2 weeks, and then once more RIGHT around my due date, just so I don't have gross hairy legs to look at when I'm in labour. Because I care about stupid stuff like that.

So a part of me is preparing, and a part of me is in denial. I hope the prenatal class tomorrow will wake the denial part of me up so that I'll actually be ready. As ready as one can be anyway.

Anyway, speaking of being ready and prepared, I should probably go and get ready for the day and get something done around the house so that it doesn't look like I do nothing all day to Matt. Even if it's true... ;)

Some new belly shots (finally)

Okay, first, before I say anything else, I need to complain about my computer. In order for me to get photos off of my camera and onto my computer, I essentially open up the memory card (via a usb cable) and drag and drop the photos I want into a folder on my computer. A wizard would be lovely, but apparently Vista doesn't have one. That's ARGH factor #1. Then there's the fact that it puts them on to my computer in the wrong flippin' order!!! This is REALLY annoying to me, because I like to look through my photos chronologically. This is important to me, because then I can compare which of two shots I like better. But no, the numbers are all out of order. So I take the time to drag and drop every photo into its proper place (because I'm anal like that), and then I notice that they're still titles IMG 7889 for instance. So I select them all and do a mass rename, titling them X weeks X days (in the case of belly shots) so that I can actually remember later on when I'm looking at them. The idea is that they'll all be renamed X weeks X days 1, 2, 3, and so forth. But no. That would be too simple for my freaking Vista system to do! No no. It must first revert them back to their original out-of-order order, and THEN rename them 1, 2, 3, and so on. And now they're stuck like that unless I want to rename every individual photo. AFTER once more fixing the order of them (which I now can't remember.) And even I'm not that anal.

ARRRRRRGH!!!! Seriously fuming right now. SERIOUSLY. Can you not see how annoying that is? Especially when you're working on taking pictures and being a budding photographer, and your computer is all looks with no brain, or is at least secretly working against you???

So, with that being said, I give you new update photos. But first, a reminder of the last update photo I gave you, at 28 weeks:


And now, a side shot from this evening, at, ohhhh I don't know, 8 months and a bit? More than a month and a half later anyway.

So I realize when I compare those two photos that my belly really IS growing and there IS a nearly full-term baby in there. It's so strange to think of. And, because I was curious about how I actually looked from these angles, here's a front and a back shot:

Pretty sure there's a beach ball under that shirt.

Okay, so I'm pretty happy about the whole not really pregnant from behind thing, but I'm 99% sure that in a month and a bit (EEEE!) when the baby comes, all the chub that has been pulled forwards will snap back and be quite visible from the hips and so on. Even still though, I'll take having a half-decent figure at any point in the whole pregnancy and post-pregnancy thing. It's a nice bonus. Don't get me wrong though, I'd be happy to be pregnant even if it meant I looked like a whale. I'm just all the happier to not look like a whale. Get what I'm saying??

So there you have it! Not too much is new with Matt and I, although we've been rather busy. Matt's been working hard at the business, and I've been keeping myself occupied for the most part. I've actually had TOO much to do, and I've been doing it! I'm pretty sure I'm controlled by the weather though, because this morning it was cloudy, cold and windy and all I've wanted to do all day is snuggle up under some warm blankets and watch a movie.

I had my family baby shower on the weekend, and it was wonderful to see my family and friends and spend some time with them. My mom and sister did a great job on the shower, and we played some of the best baby shower games I've ever played thanks to Matt's mum. AND I'm finally starting to feel ready for the baby to come. I now have a carseat, and the crib is all set up with a mattress and bedding. I still have to put everything else away, but I hope to tomorrow.

We also had our very last photography class on Monday, and I can't say how excited I am! It's been a good semester, I've learned so much, but MAN those drives were getting to be tedious, and the classes a teeny bit boring. Okay, so not a teeny bit!

So yeah. That's pretty much it. I know, not much of an update! And it's been more than a week since I posted last too. It's not that things haven't been happening, I just don't know how interesting they'd be on a blog. Like tonight we went to Matt's parent's to play board games, and the power kept going on and off, so we came home. See what I mean? Next week I have a mw appointment with a midwife I've never met before so that should be interesting, and after that I start going EVERY week, so huzzah for the homestretch. I'm getting way too excited.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go change into my pyjamas and watch the last couple hours of Pride and Prejudice. What can be better on a cold night than pyjamas, a warm blanket, a chocolate-peanut butter milkshake a la Matthew, and some nice P & P Mr Darcy-ness???

December has arrived!

I've been so excited to post today, and now that today is here, I'm feeling a little deflated and unenthused. Sad! I'm going to put as much gusto into this post as I can stand right now, and we'll see how it goes.

Life has been good lately. SO good. Wonderful, even. I really don't have a reason to complain and to be in a funk at this particular moment (but hey, does a pregnant woman need a reason to feel emotional and blah and to come home and change back into her pyjamas? I didn't think so.) Here are some of the wonderful things going on:

-my aunt is getting better. Like, a lot better. I didn't mention it much because I was pretty worried, but man, was she ever sick with that H1N1. I guess having double pneumonia and being on a ventilator and heavy sedation is pretty serious stuff. I didn't realize how serious until I saw a nurse friend's reaction when I told her about it. BUT my aunt if off the ventilator and has even been transferred back home to her little, small town hospital to finish her recovery. She should be allowed to go home in a week or two. So YAY!

-tonight we have our last photography class for our advanced photography. Then next Monday we have our last class for our other photography class, and I am SO excited to be done! No more 2-night-a-week commitments! Just freedom. Oh, and family home evenings on Mondays again!

-it snowed for the first time early early this morning. I LOVE SNOW. Except, of course, when it hinders my plans. But still. It hadn't snowed yet (HA I almost typed 'snown'...good old English language) and I was pretty bummed because it usually starts in November. But when I got up to go to the bathroom at 2am I noticed that the ground was white and when I looked at the streetlight the snow was falling softly. It gave me a thrill and I stood there at the window just watching for a minute before crawling back into bed. And then I think my bed felt even cosier and warm just because I knew it was snowing outside. And now I feel like doing Christmas baking!

-While standing at the window watching the snow I thought to myself, "hey, it IS 2 hours into December after all! What a nice way to start off the month..." which then made me think of how it really, truly, finally is December. Which means so many good things. It means my family shower on Saturday, Christmas shopping, the Christmas cantata, Christmas itself (!!!), AND...best part of all...it means I can finally say I'm due next month. Next. Month. Ohh the thrills and excitement this gives me! Even in my melancholy mood, the very thought of it brings a smile to my face.

So that means I'm about 8 months along right now. And holy moley that sounds really far along. Probably because it IS, which is such a weird thought. In 2 months (well, less actually) we are going to have a baby. Here. At our house. Waking us up and making us smile and cry and laugh and relax and stress and all of those opposite things that make me so happy!

-Oh! December also means doing our childbirth training class, one more 2-week appointment, switching to EVERY week appointments, and putting the finishing touches on the baby's room.

So all in all I'm excited about December. Christmas shopping (I'd go this afternoon if I didn't have my project to finish), seeing family and friends (Julia's coming! Yayness!) eating good food, and having time fly by so that I don't go crazy counting down the days until Elijah is here.

Oh, here's something funny. So apparently Jewish people have a tradition of setting a place at the table for Elijah the prophet so that they're ready when he comes and welcoming him. Matt's dad says that we'll have to set a place at the table for our Elijah, showing that we're prepared and that he can come whenever he wants. CUTE. And I had the funniest conversation with my friend, Lindsay, and this older man in the ward the other day. First off all, you need to understand that this man is very outspoken and like to make jokes that are clever knee-slappers (and at which you sometimes groan inwardly.) He was going on about how the world is still waiting for Elijah (the prophet) to come and that my baby's name is going to be Elijah (hint hint, coincidence? Well, yes. But anyway...) then my friend Lindsay says, "Elijah's already come though. Remember...the Kirtland temple?" to which this man says, "Well then who is it we're waiting for? There's someone..." and starts sortof smacking his head because he can't remember, and then Lindsay says, "Umm.....Jesus????" It was hilarious to say the least! Maybe a you-just-had-to-be-there hilarious, but still. Play it out in your mind, and give the man an Italian accent, and you'll see what I mean!

Anyway, to sum it all up, there is why December is so darn exciting.

I had a midwife appointment today, and it was all good and normal. Baby boy is still head down, and although I haven't grown much in the last couple weeks (1/2 to 1cm) my midwife isn't worried, so I'm trying not to be too. She says that babies and women's bodies go through growth spurts at different points. I don't really know! I just feel like I'm not very big, or at least, not as big as I expected to be at 8 months. I'm glad and not at the same time. I just want the baby to be healthy and strong.

Oh, here's something. Did you know that the pigmentation of your belly button can change when you're pregnant? I knew about the linea nigra thing changing colour and going a little brown but I was seriously worried that my belly button was perma-dirty, and apparently it's fine.

So there's all of the interesting things I can muster up for my post! Part of me feels better (you know, the whole "count your blessings" mentality?) and another part feels sad and blah still. I'm sure it'll go away. It always does. It's probably just because Matt's leaving to go back to work now. Pathetic huh? Haha

Anyway, I'll wrap this up now and post a recent belly photo in a couple days or so, so that you can decide for yourself if I'm not big enough. We'll see.

Our busy week

This week has been just a teeny bit nuts, in my opinion. Good at times, bad or sad at times, and nuts all the way through.

Tuesday afternoon I *finally* found a good block of time to work on the baby's room and put everything away from my shower last week. It felt wonderful, and I think it looks wonderful too, but I'll post photos later when it's more complete. For now, it's filling out (kind of like me...ha) I still have to fold my 2 loads of baby laundry, and then organize it by size, I'll probably do that this afternoon.

So then Tuesday evening we went for dinner at Matthew's parents' place and then headed over to the funeral home for the viewing. It was really strange to be there. Grandpa looked so different...his hair wasn't styled the way he usually did it, and it was just hard to believe that that was a real person's body, that Grandpa was dead, and that it wasn't some wax model from Tussaud's. I still picture Grandpa at home working away.

So being there was surreal and sad, especially when I saw how sad everyone else was. Then the other weird part was seeing so many people who we don't see very often, and needing to remind myself that we're in a funeral home and I can't talk loudly and that some conversations are a little out of place there. The best part was seeing Joel and Heidi. Their flight didn't make it in until 6, so the first we saw of them was when they showed up at the funeral home, and it was so exciting and happy that I felt a little guilty. Only a little though...mostly I was just thrilled to see them.

Then the next day was the funeral. We arrived at the church for 10am and greeted people for a bit. The service was held at our chapel, as the funeral home would not have been big enough for all those people. It was a wonderful service, and I love hearing the funny, kind, and stirring things Joel had to say about Grandpa. I SO miss when Joel would give talks, he's a natural orator.

After the service there was a luncheon in the gym with Grandpa's big band playing the music (something that also would not have gone over very well at the funeral home.) Then there was the small graveside service with the family, then Matt and I went home to see our poor, neglected little dog for a bit before we needed to head out again in the evening.

We spent a quiet evening with family at Matt's parents', and enjoyed having everyone all together for once. It's been a while! Joel and Heidi haven't both been back at the same time since they moved out east last August. At that point Aaron and Rachelle were in Arizona, so it's been over a year and half, and at that point Aaron and Rachelle weren't married yet. So it's pretty nice!

Then yesterday Matt worked and I went with Heidi and her mom to visit her sister in the GTA. It was nice to be out of the house for the day, and 100 times nicer to spend time with Heidi while she was here! I'm so sad they're gone now. But they're coming end of January, so we'll see them again in less than 2 months!

Anyway, last night was more dinner at Matt's parents' and more hanging out with family until I was too tired to stand it and we went home.

SO that was probably boring to anyone non-family! My apologies, but hey it's an update. I feel like I haven't been home all week, which is pretty accurate if you consider the last 2 days, so it's probably a good thing that I'm home today just so that my little dog has some constant company.

On the upside to all the down-ness of the last week, sleep has been better the last few nights! (insert a crowd of 1000 cheering Hollys right here...) I've been able to go 1 1/2 hours without waking up, which means less aching and less dreams. Here's hoping it keeps up without needing to take Tylenol religiously!

Also on the upside, I'm nearly 8 months pregnant. HOLY MOLY. Getting way too excited, and way too anxious. This last week has been wonderful in terms of getting my mind off the baby and having time pass way faster. Okay, so my mind hasn't been off of the baby completely, as so many people have been asking how I'm doing, but at least it's not days of sitting around home alone just thinking!

My whirlwind week caught up with me a bit this morning, however. I just felt wiped. I'm still feeling tired (despite the additional sleep I've been getting) and it's been a very emotional week. Grandpa dying, family drama, my aunt being sick in the hospital still (no change... :S), Joel and Heidi being here and now they're gone, and then feeling like January will never arrive all combined this morning, resulting in a melancholy mood and some shed tears (okay, so really it was copious amounts of shed tears...) BLAH! One of those moods, where I feel like canceling my plans with all and sundry, and staying in bed all day. Maybe I just need a Holly-day. Any suggestions as to what I could possibly DO on a Holly-day? And don't tell me to clean, or I just might cover your front doorstep in banana peels and wait in the bushes as I call you from my cell and tell you to come outside.

Seriously though, help! Help me think of something to do. That isn't my photography homework which happens to be piling up at an alarming rate, very reminiscent of this time of year in university. If you have any ideas, any at all, put them in the comments! Or if you've got some story or joke that will make me laugh. Those are always nice too.

Thanks a million times over (for the ideas which I'm positive you'll write) and for making it all the way to the bottom, despite my blue mood. :)

A random thought

Two posts in one day??? **GASP**

I couldn't resist though. Elizabeth - this one's for you. You say you like putting voice to the random things you think and you appreciate when others do it to, so how's this one for you?

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get into a public bathroom stall, but it seems impossible to get back out at times? It's like climbing up on to something, and finding the climbing up easier than the climbing down. Getting into a stall is easy, you just slip in and close the door. But when you're done, you suddenly realize that if you don't move it the door is going to beam you one or leave you sitting on the toilet just to get the blasted door open. And I'm not having this problem just because my belly is bigger than normal. It's always been an issue for me.

And while we're on the topic of public toilets, isn't the concept of stalls in a bathroom rather bizarre? It's sort of like you have your own personal little room, but in reality, you're just a bunch of people sitting down in one big big room relieving yourself all at the same time. WEIRD! But so normal because we're raised that way. I wonder if the queen has ever used a public washroom, and if she'd find it strange because she usually has her perfectly wallpapered room with a little boudoir and marble sink to wash her hands in. Hmm.

I won't carry on about such a taboo topic as relieving yourself, I just found it funny today when I encountered a door that I swear was much smaller when I entered the stall than when I exited it.

Dreams

This waking up every half hour from 4am on (yes, it lasted from 4-8am this morning) tends to produce some really strange dreams. I mean, we normally only remember the dreams we have as we're falling asleep and waking up, but as that's happening so often with me, I tend to remember a lot of them.

Here are some of the random things I can remember dreaming about last night:

-getting a sunburn
-going swimming
-working at a store and bringing someone to the checkout only to discover that the checkout is my bed and it's not made, and it made a bad impression on the customer. My manager was displeased.
-Matthew getting a magnetic nosering for some YM activity
-finding my big box of Turtles that normally costs 8.99 at Walmart on sale somewhere for $5. Excitement ensued.

Saturday night's sleep was nice though, because once I dreamed about walking around with the baby in my arms, and he was so sweet and perfect (except he just wouldn't stay swaddled.)

Anyway, there are the random dreams of me!

Our weekend in review

This blog is supposed to be about Matt and I, right? A blog about Holly G and Co., and not just Holly G. So this post will (mostly!) be just that.

This past weekend has been a semi-eventful affair. Friday Matt and I spent some time together and it was lovely. I somehow managed to convince him to take the afternoon off work and chill with me, and it was great. We pretty much just went to the mall to get his hair cut, and then drove to a theatre to see New Moon. I like the whole seeing movies on opening day thing, but as I can't stand the line-ups and tightly packed theatres, I usually opt for the earlier in the day show. This time we went for the 4pm one. Did I like the movie? No actually. I was rather disappointed, and I'm disappointed that I'm disappointed, because I had been anticipating it for quite some time. But oh well, you win some, you lose some. I won't say why I didn't like it, because I'm all for people forming their own opinion, but there. You at least have mine.

Afterwards we went home and relaxed for a bit and then went to Swiss Chalet with Dave and Farrah. Listened to them rant about the horrible portrait service that Sears offers and the ridiculous prices they charge, thought to myself, "I could do that for way cheaper..." and then enjoyed some delicious food. We went back to their place and just talked until we were tired and needed sleep, at which point we went home.

Saturday we had plans to leave at 10:45am or so so that we could go to the temple for the 1pm session. The plans got a little twisted and turned when we got a shocking phone call from Matt's mum saying that his grandfather had passed away that morning. It was unexpected, but not at the same time. He died very very quickly from a massive heart attack, and while that sort of thing is sudden, we had known for a while that his heart was having problems and that his health was failing. I mean, he was 80! We're sad about it, though it still hasn't quite sunk in. I'm going to miss his funny stories and sarcastic jokes. He was always a wit, and it was fun to watch Matt talking with him, because Matt would banter back and throw Grandpa off a little until he realized that Matt was giving him a dose of his own medicine.

Anyway, the funeral will be Wednesday, and while I'm very sad, is it terrible to be excited to see Joel and possibly Heidi for a few days? We haven't seen Joel since last December, and Heidi since March, and I miss them! I hope it's not terrible.

So then this weekend was Stake Conference. I managed to get all of my out-of-ward thank-you notes handed out (pretty jazzed about that) and enjoyed the conference messages and catching up with friends. Also, while Matt was at the priesthood leadership meeting on Saturday, I took the opportunity to go to the local Babies R Us to see if they had my diaper bag. They did (!!!) so I got it with the giftcard Farrah and Dee got for me (specifically for this ridiculously frivolous and oh-so-lovely diaper bag!) and I'm SO excited to use it. I think tomorrow when I start putting things away, I'll start packing it.

So conference was great, but this trouble-with-sleeping thing is really becoming an issue I think. There I am Saturday evening sitting in the pew and I already knew I was tired, but it hit me all at once just how beat I am. Matt was out in the hall at the time (massaging his silly restless feet that bug him from time to time) and my eyes started watering. I felt hot in the face and was worried I might fall over. I didn't really feel dizzy, I just felt like I was losing the fight to stay awake, and that my body was revolting against me for not just closing my eyes and flopping over like I so wanted to do. I was seconds away from getting up to find Matt (although I was doubting my ability to even walk at that point) when he came back and I just slumped into him. Apparently when he saw me my face was red, my eyes bloodshot, and I looked like a zombie. GREAT. I hope no-one else noticed. I cuddled up for the last 20 minutes of the meeting, perked up a bit, and then booted it out of there into the cool night air as soon as it was done. I felt better as soon as I got moving, but MAN. I've never felt tired like that before. I know, I know. It's probably just the beginning, right? But if feeling that tiredly unwell is going to be a constant experience, I'll switch to bottle feeding and split the bill with Matt. I don't think I could handle feeling like that all the time.

Here's the problem. The last couple nights I've been waking up every half hour from 4:30am until I get up, just to roll over. I drift off to sleep but then the aching in my back and legs wake me up, and I need to try the other side. Also, the baby has started kicking regularly around 4:30, which makes things interesting. He's facing my right side and kicking at those ribs, but as long as I'm on my right side it's not really a problem. But as soon as I'm scrunching that area by sleeping on my left side, I get painfully booted rather quickly, and lie awake just rubbing my side. Usually falling asleep isn't a problem because it doesn't hurt for the first little bit, but I tried napping today and the pain started immediately, and I got little sleep. A sleep deprived Holly is an unhappy, weepy Holly.

Anyway, so that's my issue right now. I think I'll start trying to sleep sitting up and see how that goes.

Sorry, I know that was some mighty complaining. It DOES suck big time, but I'm so glad there's an end in sight. I told Matt this morning that having the baby will seem like a walk in the park where night time feedings are concerned, because then I can at least sleep for 2 or 3 hours between feedings, instead of 30 minutes at most! It'll be good, and apart from the "I'm going to die I'm so tired" feeling I had last night, it's still pretty manageable.

OH. Here's something. Did I mention sneezing and peeing a little bit a few weeks ago? I've been hyper-vigilant in keeping it from happening again, but today I flicked Matt's ear (he was being way too facetious) and while struggling REALLY hard to keep from getting flicked back (struggling, screaming and laughing all the while) I pretty much slightly peed my pants. It wasn't bad, but it was enough to make me panic. So I've been a little edgy about Matt pushing me around and tickling me since.

I feel like I'm back to being 6 when I had a hard time controlling my bladder if I laughed too hard or was tickled too much.

Anyway, not too much else is new. I'm feeling a little concerned right now for my aunt who has the H1N1. She's in an I.C.U ward with it and double pneumonia and is on a respirator which is scary stuff, but I just keep telling myself that the respirator is to help, and that lots and lots of people are hospitalized for it and are just fine. It's strange though. I guess it's just hit rather close to home, and I'm even more grateful than I already was that Matthew and I are vaccinated.

Anyway, it's getting really late (for me. It's only 11:20...ha.) I think I'm procrastinating on going to bed because sleep is my frenemy right now and I just don't want to face it. Unless, of course, it's going to be nice to me, which is hasn't really been in at least a month. I think I'll take some tylenol right now, and maybe it'll be good tonight.

Oh baby I love your ways

Phew! These last two days have been B-U-S-Y. And mostly all baby-busy, just as a warning! I'm just going to recap the day as it happened so I don't miss anything.

For starters (by the way, isn't that a funny phrase?) yesterday morning I had a midwife appointment at 9:30. It went well, though I can't think of too much that we talked about. Strep B a bit, me having cabin fever, how swollen my feet are (they're perma-swollen, even first thing in the morning) roughly how big the baby is at this point (3.5-4lb's!) how big I'm measuring (1 cm ahead of where I should be, which is pretty consistent for me), the position of the baby (still head-down) and so on. We listened to his heart beat mixed with feedback from him kicking and shifting around, which he was doing a lot. The morning is his most active time anyway, but he started wriggling everywhere when the midwife couldn't tell what position he was in right away. She had to push around a lot before being sure, and he and I didn't like it much apparently!

Then, right after my midwife appointment I picked up Matt and went for my 3D ultrasound. It was GREAT! I'd do it again with future pregnancies (should I be so incredibly blessed) and I'd recommend it to everyone. Apparently next week is the last time I could have gone and had decent photos of Elijah because he's quickly running out of room. If I'd known that I would have booked sooner, because he was being a little difficult at first, and I wouldn't have been able to reschedule. I was waiting until I was further along to go, though, because I figured then he'd have filled out more and looked more like how he will when he comes out.

For the first 15 minutes of the session he had his hands and one foot around his face and it was difficult to get a good photo of him (even though I personally thought the little hands were adorable!)

I was a little worried though because it was only supposed to be a 30 minute session. We ended up going 10 minutes over, free-of-charge, which I thought was super nice. The good little boy started co-operating and we got some of our best photos in that extra 10 minutes. 

Oh, and we got a gender confirmation, and Elijah IS, indeed, a "he." Like, if there were any doubts in our minds before then, there couldn't possibly be after yesterday. Why? Because you could see detail, contour and all! For the sake of not embarassing him and having the photos come back to haunt him on his wedding day, I won't post the proof on here, but boy, what a boy!

We also got this sequence of photos taken one after the other which, if put together, creates some sortof video. It looks a bit like stop motion, but here's the video:

Overall, it cost $125 for the session, a dvd of the session, and about 110 photos on a cd, plus one that they printed out for us. Not bad, in my opinion, considering how amazing it was to see more than just a silhouette on the screen. He seems so REAL now, and yet at the same time I feel like I'm waiting for someone to pop up and say that this has all been a very elaborately staged ruse. Denial, I know.

So after that we drove back, had lunch, I ran some errands that involved a new blender, the first Christmas present purchase of the season, and some new maternity pants and pj's, and then I came home. I started to write a blog post, but realized that I wanted to develop some photos and that it'd take time to get through them all. Then I called Matt's mum to tell her I was bringing some photos by after my Primary presidency meet that evening, talked to Aaron and found out he and Rachelle are (most likely) having a girl (YAY!) and then was late picking Matt up for dinner. We got home, made dinner quickly, ate, tidied, and then I drove Matt to Dave and Farrah's, and then I did some more running around. I picked up my photos from Walmart, grabbed Aaron and Rachelle a very pink congratulatory present, wrapped it in the car, and then headed over to Matt's mum's to drop off the photos. No-one was home, and I was sad, but reminded myself that I DID tell her I'd be by after my meeting and not before. I knocked on Aaron and Rachelle's door and opened it because there were lights on, but no-one was home, so I left the gift on a table for them.

Then I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do. It was only shortly after 7 and my meeting wasn't until 7:30, but as I didn't have time to do anything else, I drove to the chapel and figured I'd sit around for the 20 minutes until Dianna and Janine got there.

When I arrived at the chapel I was surprised by the number of cars there. At first I thought it must be an elder's quorum activity, but then I noticed some cars that women drove. I saw Janine looking through the far door looking not entirely amused, and I must confess, I was convinced that Relief Society had failed to get the announcements to us down in Primary, and that some activity was going on that we had never even been told about. In my own (judgmental) defense, they really are bad at getting us the announcements, though it had not yet gone as far as an activity not even being mentioned. I was upset to say the least, and decided to go in through that door rather than Janine's so that I could see what was going on.

I grab my stuff, go to the door and walk in only to notice the RS door covered in little blue booties and streamers.

Yes, that's right, I had been completely duped, and I was so unsuspicious that I didn't know until they yelled "SURPRISE!!!" what was going on (despite the LARGE number of vehicles in the parking lot!) They were good. VERY sneaky and good. My shower at the chapel wasn't supposed to be until the following Wednesday!

So I was kind of right, in the end. There really WAS an activity involving RS sisters that I hadn't been informed of...hahaha. When I saw Dianna, she said we'll have our meeting next week, seeing as I'm obviously free for then.

So anyway, it was a lot of fun! I got a little emotional and red in the face from surprise and embarassment when I walked in; I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't really taking any faces in. And there were so many people there! It was beautiful and fun and I was so happy to see all of my friends there. We played games, socialized, ate good food, and I opened my presents with the help of two 4-year-olds who were so eager to rip and tear things that I had to be hyper-vigilant and make sure they didn't rush ahead of me. As soon as I opened something they'd have something else in my lap before I could admire what I had just received! It was cute though, and they kept me on my toes and within a good time limit.

Everything was so amazing, and I feel so incredibly blessed by such good friends and family.

Now, the reason I haven't posted anything until now, almost 11pm the next day, is because I did something that I think was pretty smart today. We unloaded the car and put everything onto and around the couch in the living room. Every bag had the corresponding card with it, and so as I unloaded each back and organized it, I wrote the thank-you card, so that I didn't forget what the specific gift looked like (I mean, how descriptive can "blue sleeper" be, when your whole laundry basket is blue???) It took me FOREVER and my head felt fried, but between that and spending 2 hr's on the phone talking with my sister, mom and Farrah today, I finished all 34 thank-you cards by 7:45 pm this evening!!! Am I proud? OHHHHH just a little. See, it took me almost 6 months to get out my wedding thank-you cards, and after that long, you kindof lose heart. It was great doing it this way though, because it was like opening each gift all over again, and I was really truly thankful with each TY card I wrote.

I'm also proud because it had been my goal to have these all done before the family shower on Dec. 5th, and that's still 2 weeks away! AH I'm so relieved and excited.

Anyway, that has been my day, or last 2 days. They've been beyond excellent, and the only things that could have changed for the better would be if my sister and mom could have been there last night, and if my feet hadn't swollen up more than they ever had, to the point where they felt numb.

And now I believe it is time to get this thoroughly exhausted Holly to bed.

A bad dream, a good day

Last night I had a really really crummy dream. It's completely put me in a mood for the day, and I just want to vent about it for a bit.

I can't really remember the details, there are a lot of images going through my mind, but basically what happened was I had the baby. He was little and beautiful and perfect, and then I passed him into the arms of another. They were adopting him, and I felt calm and peaceful about it at first, like it was what should happen. Then I was sitting around the next day, talking with a friend of mine who had also placed their baby for adoption, and it hit me. HARD. I started panicking, I needed to find my baby NOW, and what on earth had I been thinking? My friend was sympathetic, she knew that the reality of it would hit after-the-fact, and she knew what I was going through, but I was just losing it. In the dream the baby's father wasn't Matt, but I was married to him still, and that had been part of the reason I was placing the baby, but then I realized, "But I'm married! We've been trying, and I just had a baby! Why is he gone? I don't get it..." I knew I needed him back with me, but I was confused, because I knew I'd be taking him from someone else, and I didn't want to hurt them. I just needed my baby. I didn't know what to do or where to find Matthew.

I started wandering around my hometown, looking for Matt everywhere so that I could talk with him, and by that point the dream had changed so that Matt WAS the father, and I needed to talk with him before the 30-day wait was up and we couldn't change our minds any more. I kept looking and looking and was starting to grow desperate and depressed, when finally I found Matt and I started frantically talking to him about it, but he didn't seem to to be listening, he just kept talking about business stuff and people waiting to get their residency cards or something stupid like that.

And then I woke up.

It's funny because I'm awake, the dream wasn't real, and the baby is fine, and yet I can't shake it. I was sitting in bed, hugging my pillow and crying to Matt (more like sobbing, really) and I just didn't have motivation to go anywhere or do anything. I didn't want to get up and have breakfast because after that I knew Matt would be leaving to go to work and I'd be left sitting around alone. Staying wrapped up in blankets just seemed like a better idea. I had (and still have) no idea what I was going to do today, because I cleaned the house all day Saturday and felt absolutely no motivation to go take pictures, work on photoshop, read my books, or do anything at all. 2 months is feeling like an eternity.

I did get up and eat, but I've just been walking around like a zombie all morning. I took a nap for an hour so I don't feel as tired, but I still feel directionless. All I really feel like doing is baby-related stuff, like getting my rocking chair and putting it together (manual labour sounds great and distracting right now) but it's expensive and I've registered for it. I can't think of any baby stuff I could possibly do right now, so I'm going a little crazy. I feel like I either need to do everything baby, or nothing at all, and blow this popsicle stand for a few days just to get my mind off of things. But that's not really an option either because we have classes, a midwife appointment, my 3D ultrasound (how I wish it was today...) and then stake conference this coming weekend. I'm almost at the point where they wouldn't let me on a plane, so anywhere we'd go would have to be in driving distance, and I can't think of anywhere to go.

Sorry, I know I'm complaining a lot, I'm just having a lot of trouble bucking up and smiling today.

So, you might be wondering how on earth the title of this post could be called "A bad dream, a GOOD day", but there IS a reason for it. Today, as in November 16th, 2009, hasn't been a good day, but today is 7 years since I was introduced to the church, and THAT was a good day. A great day. One of the best, I'd say.

I'll explain a little (or a lot, depending on how much my fingers and thoughts run away with me...) I was 18. A few months previously I had been sitting around with a couple friends talking about religion, and I had decided that it wasn't for me. The scriptures talked about how God was jealous and was always doing all these things to punish people, and I just couldn't love a God like that. I was happier without all the guilt, and the struggles to feel the spirit and never succeeding. I felt like God couldn't love me. A week previously I had ended a completely crummy and depressing relationship after I lost it, drank too much, and told the guy I cared about that I hated that he was going to join the army, and wasn't I enough to make him want to stay. I swore I'd never drink again (true story, and I never did). In short, I was feeling worthless, unloved, and unimportant.

Then I went to a highschool debate for the weekend (nerdy, I know. Don't get me started.) I had made a friend at these debates a couple years previously, but we never managed to keep in touch afterwards. Well, at this debate, I was surprised to find that he was in the same council as me (200 kids there, numerous councils, and he is in the same small, 10-person council as me.) Not only that, but we were going to be sitting next to eachother, as the councils were arranged alphabetically, and he was Russia, I was Syria. We talked a lot, and decided to blow off the dance and hang out the Saturday evening because I didn't know anyone else at the dance or debate who was older than 14, and the idea of dancing with a bunch of 9th graders was kind of ridiculous to me.

We wound up in an empty McDonalds, and I vented to him about how stupid religion was. He didn't agree. He said he was Mormon, and he told me about some of his beliefs. Now, I have a tendency to make conclusions based on little to no knowledge about a subject (foolish, I know) but I'm willing to listen to someone who knows something more about it than I do, and learn from them. So I had closed myself off to religion, but here was someone who knew better, and I listened to what he had to say. I don't remember everything we talked about, but I do remember telling him about how messed up and hazy the definitions of Heaven and Hell were, and how it didn't make sense. Surely there are people in between, who don't fit in either place? He agreed with what I said, and told me about the 3 degrees of glory and outer darkness. It was all so new to me, but I felt something so strongly as we talked. Something I had only felt once before and that had been snuffed out as quickly as it came. I felt the spirit. I knew what he was saying was true, because I could feel it with every part of me. I was excited and wanted to learn more.

He had to go home that night because, instead of staying for the end of the debate the next day, he was going to church. While I was driving home that Sunday afternoon, I kept my eyes closed and listened to the other people in the van say I was asleep. I was happier about that because then I could just think. I thought about how my life was going, and how unhappy I had been, without completely realizing it before. I knew I wanted to make it better, and I resolved to start then and there. This might sound silly, but my first resolve was to stop swearing. I just didn't think it was something my friend would do, or that I should do either, but it was a big concession to make for me, because I listened to a lot of punk music and actually really enjoyed the parts where the singer put especial emphasis on a swear word. So there, that was my first step.

That night I talked on the phone with my friend, and he told me about the Book of Mormon. I wanted one, so that I could start reading it and learning more, and, once again, I felt the spirit. I don't think I had really stopped feeling it since the night before, and I felt so much peace. I had been going to church since I was in grade 5, always with friends, and always different churches (I counted once, I think I had been to at least 4 different ones regularly, and probably another 4 sporadically.) Until I was introduced I had been going to church with some good friends for more than 2 years. I liked going because it was fun, but I struggled to feel anything when I was there. I remember going to a camp one time and crying my eyes out because everybody was happy and saying how they felt the spirit and all I felt was emptiness. I didn't know it at the time, but I was looking for the church where I would be able to feel like I had come home, and that Heavenly Father really did know and love me like I had been told.

2 weeks after I had talked with my friend, I went to his church for the first time. It wasn't what I had pictured, but the difference between how I felt there and how I had felt anywhere else was like night and day. Where before I had been frustrated, felt isolated, and uncomfortable, there, and for the first time, I felt happy, hopeful and excited. The words spoken felt right, and I knew I had found the truth. I decided just 3 weeks after talking with my friend that I wanted to be baptized. I faced some opposition when it came to this decision, but I felt that after waiting, searching so long, and being so unhappy, that I didn't want to wait any more, and that I needed and was ready to make that step. In January of 2003 I was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

It hasn't always been easy since that point; goodness knows I'm so far from perfect that it's laughable. But I am amazed at how different my life is right now from how it could have been. I had no motivation to improve myself and be a kinder person than I was. The thought of doing so had never even crossed my mind. I was a complete snob at times, and not the greatest of friends (not saying I am NOW either, but if you only knew...ha) I used to get depressed at times, and while getting out of a funk is still something I struggle with, I shudder to think of how I would cope with life challenges without the eternal perspective of the gospel, the absolute knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father, and the gift of the Holy Ghost to strengthen me when I am weak and weary.

So in conclusion, yes, November 16th, 2002 was a great day for me. One of the best, as I said before. And you know what? Remembering all these things has helped, even if only marginally, to make November 16th, 2009 be a better day too. It might even turn out to be a good day afterall.Photo by Mark Mabry

Road trip!

I went on a bit of a road trip today with Matt and Dave. Lately Matt has been working on the off-line retail aspect of the business, and trying to get the store to really grow and not just be a "front" as I like to call it. See, in order to be a retailer of a lot of the products he wants to sell online, he has to have a"brick and mortar" location, or in other words, he needs to have a physical store in the off-line world as well. The hobby world is sorely behind when it comes to the future of the retail industry, and how much of it has shifted to the online market, and they're extremely wary and unsupportive of people who only sell online. They feel like they're being gypped somehow.

So anyway, Matt rented out some space in his building and dressed the club up to look like a store so that he could get a trade licence with all these different companies, but really he makes his money online.

Then recently he decided that instead on breaking even with the extra rented space he decided to make something of it and work to get it off the ground and to establish the business here in our little city. One of the ways he decided to do this was to drive around to all the stores like it within a 1-2 hour radius of here to get ideas and see how they did things (I mentioned this in the last post I think.)

It was, surprisingly, a lot of fun! Granted, I didn't go in to many of the store. In fact, I only went in to the first two which were Games Workshop (in a mall, so hurrah!) and Ikea. Other than that I just stayed in the car reading my new book which I am enjoying GREATLY (more to come later.) It was nice though. Matt asked, "Are you disappointed about the day, because you decided to just stay in the car and read?" and I told him I absolutely was not, because I would never feel so good about myself if I sat at HOME and read all day, but in the car it was a different story. It was nice to be out, to zone in and out of Matt and Dave's conversations at the most ridiculous times, and to not have so many things to do that I can't choose one and so don't do any (I work like that sometimes, much to my detriment.)

Here's something that sucked about the day but turned out pretty nicely in the end: when I got out of the car at the first stop we made, I took two steps and my flip flop broke. I was pretty excited about wearing flip flops in November, but at that moment I was insta-angry. Mostly because these sandals have been my lifeline lately, and I just didn't know what to do. As most of you probably know, it is **impossible** to walk with a broken flip flop. But I couldn't just take it off because, being mid-November, the ground is pretty darn cold (and dirty, and I'm a girly-girl), so there I was, dragging my foot like some gimp just to keep the shoe underneath my foot. And all Matt and Dave could do was laugh at how ridiculous I looked! It was rather funny though, I must admit. It didn't help that Matt parked at the wrong end of the mall, and I had to walk the whole length of it before we could get to Games Workshop, and the Payless across the hall from it.

But it worked out in the end, because Payless was having a buy 1 get 1 half off sale, so I bought a pair of brown clogs (9 1/2...not impressed! But apparently I can look forward to that from now on. It's better than the 10 that I bought a few weeks ago. And really, it's not such a bad thing. So my shoe size changes. So what?) and I also bought a pair of cute black flats for church, which were 9W. Matthew teased me about buying 2 pairs, but it made sense really, because I wore these flip flops to church (irreverent, I know! Hahaha) and now they're gone. SAD!

Other than that, the day was uneventful. Oh wait, not completely uneventful. How can I post about our road trip without posting about the woman who was hitting on Matt and Dave so hard that I was a little alarmed??? I wasn't actually there, but they were laughing for a good 10 minutes after they left the store. Here's how it happened. Owner of the store is an older woman (not OLD, just oldER. Than us. Like late 40's maybe) and she's clearly a bit of a cougar (**aside** why do we call woman who like younger guys cougars? Do female cougars always mate with younger male cougars? I wanna know.) Dave said something looked cool, and that automatically meant he wanted to buy it (right??) so she kept pushing it on him and decided to get it down to show him, only she couldn't reach it, so Matt being tall offered to get it, but it was harder than just grabbing it down because it was attached to the wall (it was a 300 shield, like from the movie), so she offered to get the ladder to make it easier, and while Matt was on his way up, she decided it would be helpful to hold him up by his butt. Like, both hands, there on his butt. I think she just wanted to give it a squeeze and was looking for a reason! I can imagine he went pretty beet red and didn't know what to do. When she offered to hold him steady again on the way down, he politely declined (good man! hahaa).

So that was about the funniest part of the day.

So, this book I'm reading. It's called City of Bones and it's the first in the Mortal Instruments trilogy. I'm quite enjoying it, and I'm excited because it's the sort of book that I'd stay up until 2am reading. I haven't had one of those in a long time. I think a year probably. Has anyone else ever heard of it? The premise of it is basically this ordinary girl discovering a group of demon hunters and realizing after her mom is kidnapped that she has a lot she needs to learn about her past. I don't know how else to describe it without giving stuff away, but it's good. It also involves things like vampires, werewolves, faeries, warlocks and witches, and other cool things which, written in the right context, can be interesting. I'm not quite at the end, so I won't *fully* recommend it (in fact, I won't until I'm done the trilogy, and then I'll let you know) but suffice it to say I enjoy it muchly!

Not much else is going on. Last night I went to a dessert party at my mother-in-law's, and I got a little frustrated about something while there (brace yourself. It's...pregnancy related! You guessed it, I'm sure.) He's the thing. I have heard SO many bad pregnancy and childbirth stories. They seem to be the only ones worth telling. But they can hardly be the norm, or else people wouldn't want to have kids, or wouldn't want more than one, at least according to how horrible some of the stories I've heard have been.

But why don't people ever tell GOOD pregnancy and childbirth stories? Especially to pregnant women who have never been through the ideal? Why is it everyone's knee-jerk reaction to warn you of impending doom and gloom, and if it turns out better, then you got lucky?

Do you know what I want? I want to hear about uncomplicated labour and delivery stories. I don't mean the ones where labour lasts 45 minutes. That seems unrealistic to hope for, especially because those stories aren't usually from first babies. I don't mind hearing about 5, 10, 15 hours of labour. That all sounds quite manageable. I just don't want to hear any more of the negative stuff. It seems I'm surrounded by it.

And the most maddening part of it all is that people talk to you with this superiority, like because they've gone through something, you'll go through it and end up feeling the same way they do about it in the end. And you can't prove them wrong. Not in the middle of the conversation anyway...you have to wait until you've experienced it too. Like, you can tell someone you plan on breastfeeding for a year, and they'll come back and say that you'll think differently once the baby starts teething. Then you say you think the soother should be done with by the time they're a year or two, and you get, "just wait until they're screaming and crying and you're going crazy. You'll pass it over to them then."

I have other examples, I just don't have the energy to rant about them all right now. And you know what? I don't even care if these people are right in the end. I just care that they're telling me how it's going to be, as if I don't have a choice or say in the matter, and like they're some experts and I'm just some inexperienced pup who doesn't know any better and needs to be warned.

Am I prideful? Sometimes I feel like I am. I know that if I'm having a problem I'd *love* for someone with more experience on it than me to give me advice. But not until I ask for it, I guess, and not in such a way that leaves no room for discussion or debate. GRR.

Anyway, I'm not really as worked up as I might sound. Just irritated a bit, I guess.

I'm going to sign off here and finish my book. I think I have 50 pages left and it's at a rather exciting part! I'll let you know my overall conclusion soon (maybe too soon....probably by Monday, but if I get obsessive, by Saturday. I still have 2 more books to read after all!

Why I love my cat

She wrecks my blinds by practically crawling through them just to look outside, but she looks so darn cute doing it.

She fits into the smallest, silliest places, like the paper bag we brought the chicken wings home in.

I have other reasons, but no cute pictures to go along with them. I'll get on top of it.

Well, this is a momentous post for me. It marks 50 POSTS! Who knew I could stick with something so long??? I am, indeed sticking with it though, and my journals are suffering because of it. I'm still trying to find a balance between the two, because I feel like my journal will stick around longer than this blog, but it's so much faster (often funner) to type here.

I have to apologize if this is an unexciting 50th post, but I don't really have a lot to write about right now, so this is a bit of an update post. One of those, "so what are you and Matthew up to these days?" kind of posts.

What HAVE we been up to???

Well, Matthew is working away at the business and having fun with it. We're going to go on a bit of a road trip on Thursday, traveling to stores like his within a 1-2 hour radius of here, to see how they do things. You know, getting ideas, seeing what products they sell, etc. He's been working lots lately, and is working nearly every Saturday until mid-December. I'm not a big fan of the working Saturday thing, but we've made a compromise. He works Saturday and will take some time off at another time throughout the week if I can have something planned for us to do. None of this taking time off to sit around on our butts business.

So that's that. He worked this Saturday after our last photography field trip (woo hoo!) and I went off to the temple because Dallin and Nathan were going for the first time. It was really nice to go and be there, and go out with everyone afterwards (dinner at the Mandarin! Woo!) but MAN it was a long day. I didn't get home until 9:30pm, and we went to bed immediately, we were both so tired. My friend Farrah thinks I'm pushing myself too much because my feet were REALLY swollen by the end of the day, but I think it was just because I did a lot of sitting and not drinking enough water. I didn't feel like I should just stop what I'm doing and take a break. I think the sleepiness was because I'd been up since 6am and hadn't slept well.

Sleep lately is difficult. I had a dream just before I woke up yesterday morning that I was crying and telling Matthew how much my back hurt and how I can't sleep because of it, and then I woke up and realized it hadn't happened but that my back actually DID hurt.

Because I've been waking up so much lately, I've been having a lot of vivid dreams that I can remember, and at least once a night I dream of food. And I don't mean just dreaming of looking at food. I can remember SO clearly what the food tastes like. Mostly I dream of chocolate, but not always. Once it was mini Mars bars, then Rolos, then buttertarts, then ham and vegetables, then this delicious brownie with whip cream and caramel, and last night it was canned green beans. I had made something with the beans and Matt had picked them all out because he doesn't like them, so I ate his.

I'm still trying to figure out if they're cravings or just me thinking about food as I sleep. I'm usually pretty happy to get the food I'm dreaming of, but it's not an obsession. Hmm.

I've also been trying to figure out if I'm nesting and I came to the conclusion last night at 11pm that I am. How did I know? I was in the doorway of the baby's room just looking at everything and then I decided that the rocking chair would go better in another corner of the room, so I spent 5 minutes rearranging everything and then just sat in the chair enjoying my handiwork.

Anyway, other than that, not too much has been going on. Yesterday I took a chance and said to Matt, "If I'm lucky I won't have to do anything in Primary!" and then 15 minutes later I was preparing a lesson for the 8-11 year-old girls! Too funny.

Oh! Yesterday I started listening to Christmas music in the car and we turned on our Christmas lights in the evening before we went to Matt's parents, and I loved every bit of it! I was going to wait until I saw more people putting on their lights, but then Matt pointed out that someone had to be first, so that settled it.

Hmm...what else should I update on? There really isn't much right now! Days are long and weeks are fast, but that's life for you! Oh, here's something new that is baby-ish. The baby has been doing more rolling and stretching than kicking lately, and yesterday it started to hurt. Until then it never really caused pain; it was more just pressure against my ribs or whereever. But yesterday and today he's been kicking (or pushing) certain places repeatedly, and they're getting sore. I just start pushing back in hopes that he'll stop and pick somewhere else for a bit, and that seems to work. Oh, and another discovery since Friday is that I have the beginnings of stretch marks. They're red and on my stomach, and seeing as I still have at least a couple months left, I'm fully prepared and expecting them to get bad, but I don't mind.

Now I really do think that is it! Nothing new, just life and the little things that happen throughout the day. It's good though. I'm glad everything is good and peaceful right now, and I love life (most days!)