I can't help it! I feel like my mind is completely consumed right now.
Want to know something completely ridiculous, that is probably going to make time go very slowly for me??? I've been going to this website pretty much every day, clicking in the baby's due date, and seeing how many days I have left. Even if I already remember because it's just yesterday's total minus one. I just like to see the number decreasing! I was pretty excited when the number got into the 50's, then the 40's, and then the 30's.
Do you see what I mean about how obsessive I get with dates?
And can I tell you a secret? Today is one month until the due date the ultrasound tech gave me. Yep, that's right, I'm leaking one teeny date for you just to make myself feel better. He said January 11th. Now, before you get all excited thinking you know the due date, just remember that the midwives have moved my dd around several times, so that it was nearly 2 weeks off from what the tech said at one point. I won't tell you where they left it. You'll just have to keep wondering.
So I'm pretty sure the countdown come January is going to kill me. But wait, I have a (small small) plan, just in case I go late (or rather, when I go late, because I probably will) just to make the due date seem a little less dreadful. I'm going to have a due date party. Nothing big, but I'd like to go pamper myself. Get dressed up, put on make-up, go and get my nails done, maybe buy something pretty and frivolous just for me, and have Matt take me out for dinner. One part of me is hoping to not have the due date party, and another part of me thinks it'd be fun to be in labour and have my toenails done up in a french manicure. It reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red the night before her first day at Chilton, because all good, posh private-school girls have red toenails underneath their perfect shoes.
Anyway, tomorrow is our day-long prenatal class, and I'm really looking forward to it. So that I feel more prepared, so that I feel Matthew is prepared, but mostly because I hope it makes me feel more pregnancy motivated.
This will seem totally backwards, so brace yourselves.
As much as I'm counting down day by day, it's always with this disbelief as to how close and real all of this is. I still don't feel too pregnant, just a little big in front and tired, and a little more emotional than normal. It's hard to convince myself that labour will happen, and it's therefore hard to prepare for it with any amount of enthusiasm. I have a hospital bag, but I don't feel like packing it, and I have pregnancy books to read about tips and tricks during labour to manage the pain, and I get bored reading them. As excited as I am about baby stuff, I'm having a hard time putting everything away in the room.
It's kind of weird, isn't it? It's all I've been working on or doing for the past 8 months, and it's almost like I don't want to do it any more. I can't even convince myself to clean the house top to bottom in anticipation of the baby, because he won't really be coming any time. Not really.
And yet, to contradict and complicate all of this further, I've been planning things and organizing timelines in my mind, so that I know how many times I'll do something before the baby comes. Like, I'm planning on getting my hair cut the week of Christmas so that it'll be nice and fresh. And I'll probably need to buy one more bag of cat food before the baby comes, just to make sure she has enough for when Rob stays here at the house. And (boys, if there are any boys reading this at all, just skip this next line if such things bother you) then there's shaving my legs. I still shave my calves every other day, but I've planned to shave my upper legs once in 2 weeks, and then once more RIGHT around my due date, just so I don't have gross hairy legs to look at when I'm in labour. Because I care about stupid stuff like that.
So a part of me is preparing, and a part of me is in denial. I hope the prenatal class tomorrow will wake the denial part of me up so that I'll actually be ready. As ready as one can be anyway.
Anyway, speaking of being ready and prepared, I should probably go and get ready for the day and get something done around the house so that it doesn't look like I do nothing all day to Matt. Even if it's true... ;)
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