That's what's stuck in my head right now, and it's pretty darn accurate.
This last week has been Great. Yes, with a capital 'g'! But, the problem is, it's over now! And what else do I have left to count down to? Remember in November I started to go crazy, saying that 2 months is so long to wait day in and day out, but that it's not long enough to do anything that will really fill my time? Like, no work, no school, etc? I'm experiencing that times 10 right now.
See, my consolation then was in the things ahead of me to look forward to. Matthew reminded me that it was 3 weeks until my first shower, then a week and a half until my next shower, then 3 weeks until Christmas, and then 3 weeks until baby time.
Now it's just baby time.
I woke up this morning determined to answer everyone who asked, "How much longer do you have left?" with the response, "Ohh, 3 or 4 weeks" just to throw them and encourage the whole end of January mentality. But I found myself unable to give that answer. Why? Because I'm just too darn excited! I've waited a long time for it to be this close, and I just couldn't lie and say it'll be another month when it's only about 2 week away. 2 WEEKS AWAY.
And yes, I am well aware that it's very easy to calculate the due date when I say things like that. Go for it. In fact, here. I'll do it for you. January 14th (2 weeks on Thursday). Or the 11th if you ask the ultrasound tech (2 weeks yesterday). And that makes me 38 weeks today (for reasons best known to myself). Phew! I don't know if I'm relieved or if I feel like I'm sharing some precious secret. Probably more relieved. It's been too hard to keep the due date to myself. I think I'll still not tell everyone at church, because some snobby part of me doesn't want to let that go, especially when I'm asked 10 times a Sunday, and by the same people who asked the week before. Pride. It'll be the fall of me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the whole 2 week bit. So it *could* be any day. Or it could really, honestly be 4 weeks from now. Hence the craziness! When? When? WHEN?!
I'm ready, the house is ready, I'd love for him to come like, NOW, because we just cleaned the house yesterday. I don't want to do another full house clean before he comes, but I will if he waits a while longer.
And it's not even that I'm wanting him to come because I'm sick of being pregnant. I just want to meet him, hear him cry, see what he looks like, and have Matthew enjoy the closeness and joy of providing for him as I've done for the last number of months.
But I can see how, when people get to the end, they get sick of being pregnant. At least, if what I've been feeling lately keeps up, I can totally see how people get sick of the whole pregnancy bit.
I'm not sick of it, until recently I felt like I could handle being pregnant forever. But then, this morning I had a Primary activity, and I basically sat for 20 minutes out of the 3 hours I was there, and I was almost in tears on my way home, my back hurt so much. It still does, but thankfully, now I'm sitting.
I realized something about myself today, by the way. Some people might say that I don't know my own limits. They'd be wrong on that count though. I DO know my own limits. I am actually hyper aware of everything my body does and what I feel comfortable with. So no, that's not my problem. My problem is that I have a really (and I mean REALLY) hard time letting other people know my limits. I feel like I've been so healthy and well without a right to complain this entire pregnancy that, now that I'm nearing (or am AT) the end, I have a hard time letting go of the "I'm able to do anything" mentality, and slow down, because I feel like people will think I'm lazy or something. Like I'm making it up. So I keep going as if I'm Wonder Woman and not about to have a baby, and I don't complain or let people know how much pain I'm in until it's kindof too late, and I'm ready to break down and cry because I simply can NOT stand any longer.
Anyway, there was my self-realization for the day.
I should probably wrap this up now and ramble later, as I have a midwife appointment in 20 minutes that I don't want to be late for. I'll probably post again this evening or something.
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