That's what's stuck in my head right now, and it's pretty darn accurate.
This last week has been Great. Yes, with a capital 'g'! But, the problem is, it's over now! And what else do I have left to count down to? Remember in November I started to go crazy, saying that 2 months is so long to wait day in and day out, but that it's not long enough to do anything that will really fill my time? Like, no work, no school, etc? I'm experiencing that times 10 right now.
See, my consolation then was in the things ahead of me to look forward to. Matthew reminded me that it was 3 weeks until my first shower, then a week and a half until my next shower, then 3 weeks until Christmas, and then 3 weeks until baby time.
Now it's just baby time.
I woke up this morning determined to answer everyone who asked, "How much longer do you have left?" with the response, "Ohh, 3 or 4 weeks" just to throw them and encourage the whole end of January mentality. But I found myself unable to give that answer. Why? Because I'm just too darn excited! I've waited a long time for it to be this close, and I just couldn't lie and say it'll be another month when it's only about 2 week away. 2 WEEKS AWAY.
And yes, I am well aware that it's very easy to calculate the due date when I say things like that. Go for it. In fact, here. I'll do it for you. January 14th (2 weeks on Thursday). Or the 11th if you ask the ultrasound tech (2 weeks yesterday). And that makes me 38 weeks today (for reasons best known to myself). Phew! I don't know if I'm relieved or if I feel like I'm sharing some precious secret. Probably more relieved. It's been too hard to keep the due date to myself. I think I'll still not tell everyone at church, because some snobby part of me doesn't want to let that go, especially when I'm asked 10 times a Sunday, and by the same people who asked the week before. Pride. It'll be the fall of me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the whole 2 week bit. So it *could* be any day. Or it could really, honestly be 4 weeks from now. Hence the craziness! When? When? WHEN?!
I'm ready, the house is ready, I'd love for him to come like, NOW, because we just cleaned the house yesterday. I don't want to do another full house clean before he comes, but I will if he waits a while longer.
And it's not even that I'm wanting him to come because I'm sick of being pregnant. I just want to meet him, hear him cry, see what he looks like, and have Matthew enjoy the closeness and joy of providing for him as I've done for the last number of months.
But I can see how, when people get to the end, they get sick of being pregnant. At least, if what I've been feeling lately keeps up, I can totally see how people get sick of the whole pregnancy bit.
I'm not sick of it, until recently I felt like I could handle being pregnant forever. But then, this morning I had a Primary activity, and I basically sat for 20 minutes out of the 3 hours I was there, and I was almost in tears on my way home, my back hurt so much. It still does, but thankfully, now I'm sitting.
I realized something about myself today, by the way. Some people might say that I don't know my own limits. They'd be wrong on that count though. I DO know my own limits. I am actually hyper aware of everything my body does and what I feel comfortable with. So no, that's not my problem. My problem is that I have a really (and I mean REALLY) hard time letting other people know my limits. I feel like I've been so healthy and well without a right to complain this entire pregnancy that, now that I'm nearing (or am AT) the end, I have a hard time letting go of the "I'm able to do anything" mentality, and slow down, because I feel like people will think I'm lazy or something. Like I'm making it up. So I keep going as if I'm Wonder Woman and not about to have a baby, and I don't complain or let people know how much pain I'm in until it's kindof too late, and I'm ready to break down and cry because I simply can NOT stand any longer.
Anyway, there was my self-realization for the day.
I should probably wrap this up now and ramble later, as I have a midwife appointment in 20 minutes that I don't want to be late for. I'll probably post again this evening or something.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Please tell me I'm not the only one...
...who still gets so excited about Christmas that she can't fall back asleep once it's past a certain time on the clock. I feel so childish, but I just can't help myself! Even if I had one of the worst night's sleep ever, which I kinda did. More to come on that front.
Matthew and I set the alarm for 7am so that we'd have time to gift exchange and shower before going to his parents' for 9. Of course I woke up at 5:53 needing to go pee, and could not fall back asleep for the life of me. I considered waking him up anyway, but he needs his sleep for 2 big reasons. Reason 1 - he got up in the middle of the night to take care of me when I was wimpering. Reason 2 - He needs to be well rested if he's going to avoid getting the bug that I had all day yesterday, spoiling my Christmas Eve day. I don't want him to go through that!
So for another 5 minutes, he sleeps. I can wait 5 minutes.
Oh, wait. The clock in the bedroom must be off from this one, because the alarm went off. That means...PRESENT TIME!!! :D Excuse me while I exchange gifts with the one I love.
Merry Christmas!
Matthew and I set the alarm for 7am so that we'd have time to gift exchange and shower before going to his parents' for 9. Of course I woke up at 5:53 needing to go pee, and could not fall back asleep for the life of me. I considered waking him up anyway, but he needs his sleep for 2 big reasons. Reason 1 - he got up in the middle of the night to take care of me when I was wimpering. Reason 2 - He needs to be well rested if he's going to avoid getting the bug that I had all day yesterday, spoiling my Christmas Eve day. I don't want him to go through that!
So for another 5 minutes, he sleeps. I can wait 5 minutes.
Oh, wait. The clock in the bedroom must be off from this one, because the alarm went off. That means...PRESENT TIME!!! :D Excuse me while I exchange gifts with the one I love.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Mostly about baby
Lots has been going on with us lately, we've been really busy with Christmas celebrations and family get-togethers. I'm sure the week will only get busier and busier...I look forward to it actually! I *love* Christmastime.
That being said, however, this post will really only be about 5% what we've been up to and 95% baby update. Because I had, what I felt to be, a great appointment this morning and I have lots to say about it!
First off, weekly appointments are fun! And I love seeing how things can change in the course of a week, which I'm sure is why I'm going every week now.
Today I found out I'm Group B Strep negative, so WOO HOO, no antibiotics during labour! That means if all goes well, I won't have to be poked at all. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Also, my iron levels are looking great right now, I'm no longer anemic, so I guess the iron pills are really doing their thing. I'm going to stay on them, so that they can keep up the good work, but now I won't stress so much if I only manage to get down 2 out of 3 pills in a day, or if I have a little more milk. I've missed milk a lot, so I'm glad to not feel guilty about the random glasses I've had over the last little while.
I'm measuring right on track, and I am so excited to say that I am now full-term! No, that doesn't mean I've hit my due date, you become full term a little bit before the actual due date, but it basically means that if Elijah were to be born now, he would no longer be considered premature. He might weigh a little less now than if he stayed in longer, but these last few weeks are basically for adding on extra fat layers, and he'd be none the worse for wear from coming early.
So now that I'm full-term, I can start doing all the things that are supposed to induce labour. You know, drinking castor oil (HA! As if I'd actually down that stuff...) eat pineapple (no thank-you!) and going for long walks (in this temperature? I think I'll pass.) There are other methods that sound more appealing to me, however, like acupressure, eating spicy foods, having massages, and drinking certain herbal concoctions in the form of herbal tea. I think even the walking wouldn't be too bad on windless days like today. OR maybe I can just go to the mall...that would involve lots of walking!
In reality, none of these things will bring on labour if my body is not already ready for it. But it'll be fun to try, and who knows when my body will actually be ready?
Which leads me to another thing from my appointment today. I have apparently been having contractions! SUPER mild, not even once a day every day contractions, but contractions nonetheless. Excited? I should think so! I wasn't totally sure if that's what I had been feeling, but I had suspected as much, because when I described what I have been feeling, it sounded like how you'd describe a contraction. Like, starting out feeling like a light period cramp, and then my lower back hurting too, like a belt of pain, and then it'd go away. I felt one Sunday, none yesterday at all, and one today. SO not even enough to bother timing and seeing how many minutes (hours, days...) were in between each one. But it's apparently a really good sign of my body getting ready.
We also figured the reason for these random contractions is because of the baby's positioning. He's still head down and anterior (YAY) and he's gone from being "I'd call that engaged" to "wow, he's very engaged" with a look of surprise from my midwife. Thrills, I tell you, THRILLS. She said she couldn't move his head around at all, it was too deep in my pelvis. Hence the random contractions and weakness when walking.
Pretty freaking excited.
So I've discovered that it's really difficult to expect to go late when you're hoping and hoping to go early. Way more difficult than I thought it'd be. I'd love to think everything I've been feeling points towards going early, but in reality, I know that it doesn't and that I could still go a week or two late and it'd still be in the realm of normal. If nothing else, however, I'm glad to know that my body is behaving as it should and getting ready.
I get asked a lot if I'm getting nervous or anxious. I tend to respond to this questions with, "I'm trying to not think about it," but I don't think this is the right way to answer, because most often people either apologize for bringing it up, or say, "Okay, we won't talk about it then," which is kindof like saying there's lots to talk about that I'm just avoiding. That's not it at all though. I guess what I really mean is I'm trying to not dwell on the pain and how much it's going to hurt. I know it'll hurt, I know there's no way to know how much, and I know that I'll get through it. I also know that the more I fear the pain, the more it'll hurt (ironic, isn't it?) So I just look at the pain as an eventuality. At some point in the future I will feel a whole lot of pain. That much is certain, but then, no pain, no gain right? Feeling the pain means gaining this little baby inside of me. And as I think and type this out, I realize that I'm kindof looking forward to the pain and the process because of how special it is.
Would I feel so okay with pain if it were a kidney transplant or a knee replacement? No, definitely not. That pain is all hurt. But this pain will be hurt mingled with joy.
So there's my take on it. Now, how on earth I would explain that to someone asking me and expecting a simple answer, I have no clue. **sigh** Oh well. It's a good conversation piece anyway. ;)
I think one reason I'm looking forward to labour and delivery so much (apart from the obvious) is because I've decided recently (like, a week and a half ago) to have a home birth. At first I was unsure of this decision, but the more time passes, the better I feel. Take the pain, for example. When I picture being in pain and delivering at the hospital, I do feel nervous and anxious. I feel like there is so much unknown territory, and I feel this little ball of tension growing in my chest. When I picture the same thing at home, however, I feel a warm fuzzy feeling that speaks peace to the tension and settles me in a way that actually really surprises me. It's a lot more to prepare for, and it makes me feel a little stressed about the condition of the house right now, and the fact that the Christmas decorations are still up (and yes, I realize Christmas hasn't even passed yet...) but I feel...confident. I don't know how else to put it. Also, the idea of Matt leaving me when I'm in labour to call and give updates to excited grandparents (to be!) is a lot less upsetting when I imagine him going downstairs to the kitchen to use the phone, rather than down the hall to some unknown place. Am I making sense?
So there. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I'd mention my decision to do a home birth on my blog at all. I'm still not totally sure why I did, I think it's because I'm excited about it. My worry was that I'd get all these well-meaning people warning me against it and what a bad idea it was and how babies DIE at home births and how dangerous they are, and I just don't feel like hearing about that. I don't think anyone can or will tell me anything I haven't heard and considered already, so (in the nicest way possible...!) please don't badger me with those comments, as I'll just ignore you and do what I feel is right for me, Matthew, and the baby. And I really really do feel that this is right and good.
I think that's all of the baby stuff I wanted to mention today. I'm getting more excited by the minute! I want labour to happen, and not so that I can be relieved of this burden and take back my body. In fact, I hardly feel like that at all; I don't feel remotely as lousy as I expected to feel this far along. No, I want labour to happen for the simple reason that I want to meet this little baby who has been kicking me. I want to see his chubby cheeks, hold him in my arms, and just revel in his sweetness and newness. THAT'S what I'm getting impatient for. It's a little harder now, being full term, and knowing that he'd be safe if he came now, and still needing to wait. My baby ticker countdown tells me it'll be soon though. And that's just until my due date! It's hard to believe that if he came early, it'd be even sooner than soon. Ahh, and there's the familiar feeling of disbelief sinking in...
Anyway, I'll just wrap this up with some *ACTUAL* Matt and Holly updates. As in, what we've been up to these last few days.
Saturday I had a glorious day with Matthew. We haven't had a Saturday off together since early October. We ran errands, fixed the fan in our bathroom, made buttertarts, played some new games that we bought, and just relaxed. Then in the evening we had dinner at his grandmother's place in celebration of Christmas, because they're not here this week.
Saturday was church, and it was a great meeting. I especially loved Primary, and the kids who were dressed up to re-enact the nativity scene and the story of Jesus' birth. Then we came home, but not until we had made arrangements for a new driver for a couple people at church. See, every week we normally drive a couple guys we know to church, and one of them home after choir. BUT because of our baby coming, we're not going to have room for both of them, and as they live at the same place, we arranged for someone else to drive them instead. And you KNOW you're getting close when you make new plans like that! I honestly didn't mind driving them each week, but I'm seriously excited about installing the carseat and driving around with it in the backseat from now on. SERIOUSLY.
Oops, more baby. Sorry!
Sunday night was the Christmas cantata, and it was great. Our choir sounded awesome, and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and feel the spirit there. And, besides all that, I have never seen the chapel so packed with people. We had to open up the over flow to fit everyone, and there were still some people who opted to stand together rather than find seats not beside eachother. And then it started snowing lightly Sunday night until Monday evening, and now there's a light dusting of white, making everything feel more Christmas-y.
Yesterday was Matt's mum's birthday, so we went out for lunch to celebrate and then gathered with a bunch of other family members at Matt's parents' place yesterday evening for cake and icecream.
And then today was my appointment, and that's about it!
Tomorrow I have a hair appointment, and I'm tossed up about what to do at it. I've been avoiding cutting my hair shorter because I didn't know if my face would swell a lot with this pregnancy, but it hasn't and I'd like it to be cute and swishy. At the same time though, I like my long hair. Hmm.
Well I had better finish this up. I have a lot to do, and yet I think I'd rather nap, so I'm off to bed for a bit. I probably won't post again before Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! Have a safe, joyous, wonderful holiday eating turkey, spending time with family, and (most importantly) remembering and giving thanks for the birth of Jesus Christ, who made this season, and all good things, possible.
That being said, however, this post will really only be about 5% what we've been up to and 95% baby update. Because I had, what I felt to be, a great appointment this morning and I have lots to say about it!
First off, weekly appointments are fun! And I love seeing how things can change in the course of a week, which I'm sure is why I'm going every week now.
Today I found out I'm Group B Strep negative, so WOO HOO, no antibiotics during labour! That means if all goes well, I won't have to be poked at all. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Also, my iron levels are looking great right now, I'm no longer anemic, so I guess the iron pills are really doing their thing. I'm going to stay on them, so that they can keep up the good work, but now I won't stress so much if I only manage to get down 2 out of 3 pills in a day, or if I have a little more milk. I've missed milk a lot, so I'm glad to not feel guilty about the random glasses I've had over the last little while.
I'm measuring right on track, and I am so excited to say that I am now full-term! No, that doesn't mean I've hit my due date, you become full term a little bit before the actual due date, but it basically means that if Elijah were to be born now, he would no longer be considered premature. He might weigh a little less now than if he stayed in longer, but these last few weeks are basically for adding on extra fat layers, and he'd be none the worse for wear from coming early.
So now that I'm full-term, I can start doing all the things that are supposed to induce labour. You know, drinking castor oil (HA! As if I'd actually down that stuff...) eat pineapple (no thank-you!) and going for long walks (in this temperature? I think I'll pass.) There are other methods that sound more appealing to me, however, like acupressure, eating spicy foods, having massages, and drinking certain herbal concoctions in the form of herbal tea. I think even the walking wouldn't be too bad on windless days like today. OR maybe I can just go to the mall...that would involve lots of walking!
In reality, none of these things will bring on labour if my body is not already ready for it. But it'll be fun to try, and who knows when my body will actually be ready?
Which leads me to another thing from my appointment today. I have apparently been having contractions! SUPER mild, not even once a day every day contractions, but contractions nonetheless. Excited? I should think so! I wasn't totally sure if that's what I had been feeling, but I had suspected as much, because when I described what I have been feeling, it sounded like how you'd describe a contraction. Like, starting out feeling like a light period cramp, and then my lower back hurting too, like a belt of pain, and then it'd go away. I felt one Sunday, none yesterday at all, and one today. SO not even enough to bother timing and seeing how many minutes (hours, days...) were in between each one. But it's apparently a really good sign of my body getting ready.
We also figured the reason for these random contractions is because of the baby's positioning. He's still head down and anterior (YAY) and he's gone from being "I'd call that engaged" to "wow, he's very engaged" with a look of surprise from my midwife. Thrills, I tell you, THRILLS. She said she couldn't move his head around at all, it was too deep in my pelvis. Hence the random contractions and weakness when walking.
Pretty freaking excited.
So I've discovered that it's really difficult to expect to go late when you're hoping and hoping to go early. Way more difficult than I thought it'd be. I'd love to think everything I've been feeling points towards going early, but in reality, I know that it doesn't and that I could still go a week or two late and it'd still be in the realm of normal. If nothing else, however, I'm glad to know that my body is behaving as it should and getting ready.
I get asked a lot if I'm getting nervous or anxious. I tend to respond to this questions with, "I'm trying to not think about it," but I don't think this is the right way to answer, because most often people either apologize for bringing it up, or say, "Okay, we won't talk about it then," which is kindof like saying there's lots to talk about that I'm just avoiding. That's not it at all though. I guess what I really mean is I'm trying to not dwell on the pain and how much it's going to hurt. I know it'll hurt, I know there's no way to know how much, and I know that I'll get through it. I also know that the more I fear the pain, the more it'll hurt (ironic, isn't it?) So I just look at the pain as an eventuality. At some point in the future I will feel a whole lot of pain. That much is certain, but then, no pain, no gain right? Feeling the pain means gaining this little baby inside of me. And as I think and type this out, I realize that I'm kindof looking forward to the pain and the process because of how special it is.
Would I feel so okay with pain if it were a kidney transplant or a knee replacement? No, definitely not. That pain is all hurt. But this pain will be hurt mingled with joy.
So there's my take on it. Now, how on earth I would explain that to someone asking me and expecting a simple answer, I have no clue. **sigh** Oh well. It's a good conversation piece anyway. ;)
I think one reason I'm looking forward to labour and delivery so much (apart from the obvious) is because I've decided recently (like, a week and a half ago) to have a home birth. At first I was unsure of this decision, but the more time passes, the better I feel. Take the pain, for example. When I picture being in pain and delivering at the hospital, I do feel nervous and anxious. I feel like there is so much unknown territory, and I feel this little ball of tension growing in my chest. When I picture the same thing at home, however, I feel a warm fuzzy feeling that speaks peace to the tension and settles me in a way that actually really surprises me. It's a lot more to prepare for, and it makes me feel a little stressed about the condition of the house right now, and the fact that the Christmas decorations are still up (and yes, I realize Christmas hasn't even passed yet...) but I feel...confident. I don't know how else to put it. Also, the idea of Matt leaving me when I'm in labour to call and give updates to excited grandparents (to be!) is a lot less upsetting when I imagine him going downstairs to the kitchen to use the phone, rather than down the hall to some unknown place. Am I making sense?
So there. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I'd mention my decision to do a home birth on my blog at all. I'm still not totally sure why I did, I think it's because I'm excited about it. My worry was that I'd get all these well-meaning people warning me against it and what a bad idea it was and how babies DIE at home births and how dangerous they are, and I just don't feel like hearing about that. I don't think anyone can or will tell me anything I haven't heard and considered already, so (in the nicest way possible...!) please don't badger me with those comments, as I'll just ignore you and do what I feel is right for me, Matthew, and the baby. And I really really do feel that this is right and good.
I think that's all of the baby stuff I wanted to mention today. I'm getting more excited by the minute! I want labour to happen, and not so that I can be relieved of this burden and take back my body. In fact, I hardly feel like that at all; I don't feel remotely as lousy as I expected to feel this far along. No, I want labour to happen for the simple reason that I want to meet this little baby who has been kicking me. I want to see his chubby cheeks, hold him in my arms, and just revel in his sweetness and newness. THAT'S what I'm getting impatient for. It's a little harder now, being full term, and knowing that he'd be safe if he came now, and still needing to wait. My baby ticker countdown tells me it'll be soon though. And that's just until my due date! It's hard to believe that if he came early, it'd be even sooner than soon. Ahh, and there's the familiar feeling of disbelief sinking in...
Anyway, I'll just wrap this up with some *ACTUAL* Matt and Holly updates. As in, what we've been up to these last few days.
Saturday I had a glorious day with Matthew. We haven't had a Saturday off together since early October. We ran errands, fixed the fan in our bathroom, made buttertarts, played some new games that we bought, and just relaxed. Then in the evening we had dinner at his grandmother's place in celebration of Christmas, because they're not here this week.
Saturday was church, and it was a great meeting. I especially loved Primary, and the kids who were dressed up to re-enact the nativity scene and the story of Jesus' birth. Then we came home, but not until we had made arrangements for a new driver for a couple people at church. See, every week we normally drive a couple guys we know to church, and one of them home after choir. BUT because of our baby coming, we're not going to have room for both of them, and as they live at the same place, we arranged for someone else to drive them instead. And you KNOW you're getting close when you make new plans like that! I honestly didn't mind driving them each week, but I'm seriously excited about installing the carseat and driving around with it in the backseat from now on. SERIOUSLY.
Oops, more baby. Sorry!
Sunday night was the Christmas cantata, and it was great. Our choir sounded awesome, and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and feel the spirit there. And, besides all that, I have never seen the chapel so packed with people. We had to open up the over flow to fit everyone, and there were still some people who opted to stand together rather than find seats not beside eachother. And then it started snowing lightly Sunday night until Monday evening, and now there's a light dusting of white, making everything feel more Christmas-y.
Yesterday was Matt's mum's birthday, so we went out for lunch to celebrate and then gathered with a bunch of other family members at Matt's parents' place yesterday evening for cake and icecream.
And then today was my appointment, and that's about it!
Tomorrow I have a hair appointment, and I'm tossed up about what to do at it. I've been avoiding cutting my hair shorter because I didn't know if my face would swell a lot with this pregnancy, but it hasn't and I'd like it to be cute and swishy. At the same time though, I like my long hair. Hmm.
Well I had better finish this up. I have a lot to do, and yet I think I'd rather nap, so I'm off to bed for a bit. I probably won't post again before Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! Have a safe, joyous, wonderful holiday eating turkey, spending time with family, and (most importantly) remembering and giving thanks for the birth of Jesus Christ, who made this season, and all good things, possible.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Warning: extraordinarily long post ahead. Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry that I've been completely slacking in my posting skillz this month! To be honest, I keep thinking of things to post, and then I decide that it's not exciting enough, or I forget about it completely. Here's what's going on with Matt and I.
We've been rather busy in the evenings, although not with anything that would sound exciting. Monday we went to Matt's parent's for dinner and to practice the song that he and his brothers are singing this Sunday for the cantata. Tuesday evening we had a couple friends over for chicken wings and LOTR 2, Wednesday Matt had a business meeting and then we vegged a bit...I finally got around to putting in the last half of Pride and Prejudice, but when I started falling asleep at the part where Mr. Darcy hears about Lydia's leaving with Mr Wickham, I knew I was fighting a losing battle, because who could fall asleep at the most exciting part? Last night we had a choir practice for Sunday, and tonight we have a missionary home-coming party. It doesn't stop there though! Tomorrow night we have an early Christmas dinner at Matt's grandmother's, Sunday is the cantata, and Monday is family birthdays. Then we have a couple nights free, but they're about to get booked too. It really makes me wonder what life will look like once the baby comes. I certainly cannot keep up this constant busy-ness, and I'm just counting on knowing instinctively what I can and cannot manage. We'll see anyway!
Surprisingly, I've been keeping myself busy during the days. Now, I say surprisingly because I haven't felt 100% this week, and throughout the majority of my pregnancy that would mean a bad day of staying in pyjamas, moping, and being in a funk until bedtime. It's definitely something I struggle with.
Lately it's been a lot easier when those funks come. I don't entirely know why, but I'm going to think it through here, okay? Okay.
The way I see it is, there are three options:
Option 1: Maybe it's because the baby is coming soon. Really soon. Like, a few days away from *technically* full-term soon. Perhaps this reality makes the difficult days easier to deal with.
Option 2: Maybe I've been nesty, and the reality that I only have so much time left has driven me to do things that I might not have time to do afterwards, so I'm trying to prepare now.
Option 3: Maybe it's because I've been dealing with this for so long that I've learned how to cope, and that I'll feel better if I forget about it and plug away at the day instead.
***Aside: has anyone ever seen Empire Records? I wouldn't recommend it, there's too much poop in the brownie. But it used to be my favourite movie in highschool, and as such, I watched it a million times, and know it practically off by heart. As a result, lines from the movie are always popping into my head, and then I feel sad because no-one gets the reference! Well, one just popped into my head now. It's where Lucas says, "It seems like a viable option...". It popped into my head after typing option number 3, and I really do think it's the most likely to be viable. End aside.***
So option 1. As much as excitement and count-downs drive me, they're really not enough to get me out of a funk. So no. Not option 1.
Option 2. Yes, I've been nesty, but only really baby nesty. I've wanted to do everything baby to the point where I realized today that there isn't anything baby left to do. My birth plan is typed and printed out. So are a list of phone numbers of people to call. My hospital bag is half-packed (I started yesterday, and can't add any more until I buy some things) the room is so set up that it's ridiculous, the clothes are organized, the diaper bag is packed. Like, really. The baby could come now and we'd be more than fine. **sigh** So, with me being so baby ready, you'd think I'd be spending all of my time lately cleaning, but I haven't been. To be honest, the cleaning nesty hasn't hit. I know this because when I think about how I want everything clean, I then think, "I'd rather wait until the baby is due to do those things, so I don't have to do them again..." hahaha. Lazy bum, I know.
Anyway, I guess Option 2 is slightly viable, because today I finished baby things and a slightly bad and unproductive day has ensued.
Onto Option 3. Personally, I think this is most likely. Why? Because I haven't felt bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and excited to stay home. Quite the opposite actually. I've had days that were this close to being bad days, where I just pulled myself off of my butt and did stuff any way. Wednesday was one of those. I actually got a lot done and I know it'd have been a bad day otherwise because no matter how much I did and how good about it I felt, I still felt this strong undercurrent of blahness threatening to disturb me. And still I worked away. In May or June, that feeling would have conquered, but it didn't Wednesday. It hasn't won for a while, actually, resulting in a productive me that says to Matt when he gets home, "Aren't you proud of me? I got so much done and I didn't want to do ANY of it!" I haven't even pouted for him to stay home with me for a while.
So there. Option 3 is, to me, the most viable. And that makes me feel good about myself, because sometimes I had a hard time with my decision to not go to school this past semester, even if I felt like it was the right thing to do. 99% of the time, the decision didn't make sense or seem remotely justified. It'd have filled my time, I've had a great pregnancy in terms of being able to leave the house and DO things, and yet I felt strongly impressed that it wasn't what I should do. I've wondered often since September WHY that should be the case. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe it's because this has been a really valuable and essential lesson for me to learn, and that this blahness that I've struggled with would have been 100 times more difficult to get through if I faced it with the the baby here already. Can you imagine me sitting around feeling blah and having a hard time motivating myself to do ANYthing when there's a little helpless baby depending on me to be strong and capable? I need to be able to plough through the bad times so that I can be good for this little baby boy I'm being entrusted with, and in hindsight, I'm so grateful for what I've learned. Even if it meant an entire pregnancy of cabin-fever and feeling like the world's most useless non-contributing zero EVER.
PHEW what a ramble. I didn't even come on here planning to write all that, but I'm glad I did.
So where was I? Oh right, how busy we've been.
Last Saturday we did our prenatal training and it was great. Completely worth the $100. I learned so much that I felt overwhelmed by all of the information, and I left feeling completely ready and excited to put my new-found knowledge into practice. I also felt frustrated that I had to WAIT to do it, and you can bet I'll be doing every possible labour-inducing technique once I'm "full-term." Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. I guess if my due date comes and goes, then I'll know they don't really do a whole lot.
I learned some really interesting things there though. The first was a breathing exercise, and no, I don't mean the "hee-hee-hoooo" of lamaze. We had to squeeze an ice-cube in our hand for 1 minute, and BOY did I ever underestimate how much that would hurt. Here are some of the thoughts that were going through my mind in that minute:
-ahh, I see. She's trying to emphasize what a contraction will feel like
-I'm glad the guys are doing this too, so that they realize to some extent how much it'll hurt
-wow, I never knew squeezing ice could hurt so much
-huh, that's strange. My wrist hurts too...and my arm. But only my hand is touching the ice...
-I wonder how much else of me will hurt during a contraction then...
-are you kidding me? It's only been 30 seconds?!
-how long do contractions normally last for anyway?
-probably 60 seconds.
-oh wait, that's just at first. Aren't they supposed to be minutes long towards the end of labour?
-dang it.
-yeah I can see why people get pain relief medication.
-maybe I'll just squeeze a little less tight. No-one would know...
-no, Holly. It's not like you can get rid of a contraction. Stop being a baby! It's just an ice-cube!
-well at least it's not just me who's weak. Everyone seems to suck at this.
-is it vindictive to be glad the guys are hurting too?
-whatever.
And then we dropped the ice cubes. My hand kept hurting and hurting, it took minutes for the sting and pulling sensation to subside. Imagine my feelings when she said we were going to do it again!
While we were massaging our sore hands our trainer talked to us about concentration, and focusing on our breathing. We talked about some of the thoughts that popped into our minds, and then she told us that whenever anything pops into our mind, we need to push it out. Especially thoughts like, "holy crap this hurts", "I just want to drop the ice-cube...", "how much longer is there???" and "is this what a contraction is going to feel like?" Instead we were to focus on our breath going in and out, how slow or fast we are breathing, how deeply we are inhaling, and so on.
She had us close our eyes so that things on the table wouldn't distract us. Then we picked up the ice cubes again in the same hand as before, and we did the exercise all over again.
WOW what a difference! The time went by a lot faster, and I barely felt the pain. I did feel it at first, and whined in my head, thinking, "couldn't we have just picked it up in the other hand this time???" but then I pushed that thought out of my head. I was only conscious of the fact that something was in my hand half the time, and of the pain even less than that. When I did notice the pain, it was kindof surreal, and I felt much more able to handle it. Then we dropped the ice-cubes, and my hand didn't even hurt as much afterwards. It took less than a minute to go back to feeling normal, whereas the other time it had taken much longer.
So there's something I found completely enthralling! I want to do it again, just so I can get good at the concentration thing. I did it on Tuesday when I had my blood drawn and I, who am normally afraid of needles and tense up like you wouldn't believe, was just fine and even able to relax my body. Which was a good thing because I've never bruised so much by having blood drawn EVER. And I've had my fair share of pokes in my life.
Wow this is getting long, and I'm not even done yet! I'll pare down what else I was going to talk about.
I had a great midwife appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but I felt really good about everything afterwards. I had been anxious because I'm a month away from D-Day, and I still hadn't met one of the midwives on my team. See, I have 3 midwives, and they take turns being on call for delivery. This midwife is on call the week before and after I'm due, and I was kindof freaking out about having someone there to coach me who I didn't even know.
My worries were for nothing though. She's great. Like, one of those people you have an instant report with. She was happy to answer my long list of questions (longest list yet so far, actually. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to my questioning ways...) and she was just so nice. And encouraging/empowering. And I still have 2 more appointments with her before I'm due, so huzzah. I feel a lot better, needless to say!
So that made me feel good, and then our baby talk made me feel good. I'm measuring right on track (hurray for growing the appropriate amount!), baby Eli was kicking up a storm and had a heart rate of about 135-140 (it's pretty much been that for months, so everything is normal), he's still head down, AND he's not posterior.
See, I was quite sure he had turned so that he was back to back with me and I was pretty anxious about that as I want to deliver naturally and that'd be much more difficult with a posterior baby, but he was so far from posterior that it was funny. His back was straight down my front, running along the whole linea nigra line, he had one foot and hand to the side, and the kicks along the top that I had been feeling were not kicks, but rather his bum pushing against me when he would stretch. I hadn't thought of that! I figured because I was feeling movement in two places at once, that they were both feet.
OH and here's something that really excited me. He's already engaged. As in, he's already dropped. Why the italics? Because I didn't think he'd do that for another week or two at least. And, much as I'm trying to expect to go overdue, I also have heard from a large number of sources, that the baby is usually born within 3 weeks if he is engaged. So here's hoping. Not that I need anything else to make the wait more painful...
At the same time, I was completely disappointed to hear he'd already dropped. I really thought I'd be able to tell he had done so because he'd stop pushing on my ribs so much and I'd be able to breathe easier. At least, that's what I read everywhere. But no, no change in the breathing department whatsoever. In fact, I think he's trying to make use of the extra space to stretch out a little bit more. My ribs have apparently really been pushed outwards for him (or by him...) and so has something at the front, in the middle of my ribs. I don't remember what it's called, but it's making things awkward.
If I didn't feel other things, I might not actually believe my midwife's "I'd call that engaged" statement, but I've been feeling that pressure that people talk of whenever I walk. I used to just feel unsteady when I first got up in the morning, or to go pee, but now I feel it all the time. It's not too bad yet, but it's there.
Anyway, there's so much else I wanted to post on. How I went to the temple for the last time in a while, how I finished Christmas shopping, how I got $40 back off my carseat because it went on sale a week after I bought it, how I bought my lamp and mobile to match my set and it looks oh so lovely, how I'm starting Christmas baking tomorrow, lots of things. BUT, my friends, I need to go pee, and then I'm going to chill with Matt because he stayed home this afternoon to be with me. Isn't he the best? :D
I'll try to post again before Christmas (ONE WEEK MORE!) so that I don't wallop you all with another novel of a post...sorry about that!
Have a great week preparing for Christmas!!
P.S. For es and Red's benefit, I counted and fixed around 10 spelling mistakes, and I'm pretty sure I missed one. Just so you don't think I don't make any... ;)
We've been rather busy in the evenings, although not with anything that would sound exciting. Monday we went to Matt's parent's for dinner and to practice the song that he and his brothers are singing this Sunday for the cantata. Tuesday evening we had a couple friends over for chicken wings and LOTR 2, Wednesday Matt had a business meeting and then we vegged a bit...I finally got around to putting in the last half of Pride and Prejudice, but when I started falling asleep at the part where Mr. Darcy hears about Lydia's leaving with Mr Wickham, I knew I was fighting a losing battle, because who could fall asleep at the most exciting part? Last night we had a choir practice for Sunday, and tonight we have a missionary home-coming party. It doesn't stop there though! Tomorrow night we have an early Christmas dinner at Matt's grandmother's, Sunday is the cantata, and Monday is family birthdays. Then we have a couple nights free, but they're about to get booked too. It really makes me wonder what life will look like once the baby comes. I certainly cannot keep up this constant busy-ness, and I'm just counting on knowing instinctively what I can and cannot manage. We'll see anyway!
Surprisingly, I've been keeping myself busy during the days. Now, I say surprisingly because I haven't felt 100% this week, and throughout the majority of my pregnancy that would mean a bad day of staying in pyjamas, moping, and being in a funk until bedtime. It's definitely something I struggle with.
Lately it's been a lot easier when those funks come. I don't entirely know why, but I'm going to think it through here, okay? Okay.
The way I see it is, there are three options:
Option 1: Maybe it's because the baby is coming soon. Really soon. Like, a few days away from *technically* full-term soon. Perhaps this reality makes the difficult days easier to deal with.
Option 2: Maybe I've been nesty, and the reality that I only have so much time left has driven me to do things that I might not have time to do afterwards, so I'm trying to prepare now.
Option 3: Maybe it's because I've been dealing with this for so long that I've learned how to cope, and that I'll feel better if I forget about it and plug away at the day instead.
***Aside: has anyone ever seen Empire Records? I wouldn't recommend it, there's too much poop in the brownie. But it used to be my favourite movie in highschool, and as such, I watched it a million times, and know it practically off by heart. As a result, lines from the movie are always popping into my head, and then I feel sad because no-one gets the reference! Well, one just popped into my head now. It's where Lucas says, "It seems like a viable option...". It popped into my head after typing option number 3, and I really do think it's the most likely to be viable. End aside.***
So option 1. As much as excitement and count-downs drive me, they're really not enough to get me out of a funk. So no. Not option 1.
Option 2. Yes, I've been nesty, but only really baby nesty. I've wanted to do everything baby to the point where I realized today that there isn't anything baby left to do. My birth plan is typed and printed out. So are a list of phone numbers of people to call. My hospital bag is half-packed (I started yesterday, and can't add any more until I buy some things) the room is so set up that it's ridiculous, the clothes are organized, the diaper bag is packed. Like, really. The baby could come now and we'd be more than fine. **sigh** So, with me being so baby ready, you'd think I'd be spending all of my time lately cleaning, but I haven't been. To be honest, the cleaning nesty hasn't hit. I know this because when I think about how I want everything clean, I then think, "I'd rather wait until the baby is due to do those things, so I don't have to do them again..." hahaha. Lazy bum, I know.
Anyway, I guess Option 2 is slightly viable, because today I finished baby things and a slightly bad and unproductive day has ensued.
Onto Option 3. Personally, I think this is most likely. Why? Because I haven't felt bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and excited to stay home. Quite the opposite actually. I've had days that were this close to being bad days, where I just pulled myself off of my butt and did stuff any way. Wednesday was one of those. I actually got a lot done and I know it'd have been a bad day otherwise because no matter how much I did and how good about it I felt, I still felt this strong undercurrent of blahness threatening to disturb me. And still I worked away. In May or June, that feeling would have conquered, but it didn't Wednesday. It hasn't won for a while, actually, resulting in a productive me that says to Matt when he gets home, "Aren't you proud of me? I got so much done and I didn't want to do ANY of it!" I haven't even pouted for him to stay home with me for a while.
So there. Option 3 is, to me, the most viable. And that makes me feel good about myself, because sometimes I had a hard time with my decision to not go to school this past semester, even if I felt like it was the right thing to do. 99% of the time, the decision didn't make sense or seem remotely justified. It'd have filled my time, I've had a great pregnancy in terms of being able to leave the house and DO things, and yet I felt strongly impressed that it wasn't what I should do. I've wondered often since September WHY that should be the case. Maybe this is the answer. Maybe it's because this has been a really valuable and essential lesson for me to learn, and that this blahness that I've struggled with would have been 100 times more difficult to get through if I faced it with the the baby here already. Can you imagine me sitting around feeling blah and having a hard time motivating myself to do ANYthing when there's a little helpless baby depending on me to be strong and capable? I need to be able to plough through the bad times so that I can be good for this little baby boy I'm being entrusted with, and in hindsight, I'm so grateful for what I've learned. Even if it meant an entire pregnancy of cabin-fever and feeling like the world's most useless non-contributing zero EVER.
PHEW what a ramble. I didn't even come on here planning to write all that, but I'm glad I did.
So where was I? Oh right, how busy we've been.
Last Saturday we did our prenatal training and it was great. Completely worth the $100. I learned so much that I felt overwhelmed by all of the information, and I left feeling completely ready and excited to put my new-found knowledge into practice. I also felt frustrated that I had to WAIT to do it, and you can bet I'll be doing every possible labour-inducing technique once I'm "full-term." Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. I guess if my due date comes and goes, then I'll know they don't really do a whole lot.
I learned some really interesting things there though. The first was a breathing exercise, and no, I don't mean the "hee-hee-hoooo" of lamaze. We had to squeeze an ice-cube in our hand for 1 minute, and BOY did I ever underestimate how much that would hurt. Here are some of the thoughts that were going through my mind in that minute:
-ahh, I see. She's trying to emphasize what a contraction will feel like
-I'm glad the guys are doing this too, so that they realize to some extent how much it'll hurt
-wow, I never knew squeezing ice could hurt so much
-huh, that's strange. My wrist hurts too...and my arm. But only my hand is touching the ice...
-I wonder how much else of me will hurt during a contraction then...
-are you kidding me? It's only been 30 seconds?!
-how long do contractions normally last for anyway?
-probably 60 seconds.
-oh wait, that's just at first. Aren't they supposed to be minutes long towards the end of labour?
-dang it.
-yeah I can see why people get pain relief medication.
-maybe I'll just squeeze a little less tight. No-one would know...
-no, Holly. It's not like you can get rid of a contraction. Stop being a baby! It's just an ice-cube!
-well at least it's not just me who's weak. Everyone seems to suck at this.
-is it vindictive to be glad the guys are hurting too?
-whatever.
And then we dropped the ice cubes. My hand kept hurting and hurting, it took minutes for the sting and pulling sensation to subside. Imagine my feelings when she said we were going to do it again!
While we were massaging our sore hands our trainer talked to us about concentration, and focusing on our breathing. We talked about some of the thoughts that popped into our minds, and then she told us that whenever anything pops into our mind, we need to push it out. Especially thoughts like, "holy crap this hurts", "I just want to drop the ice-cube...", "how much longer is there???" and "is this what a contraction is going to feel like?" Instead we were to focus on our breath going in and out, how slow or fast we are breathing, how deeply we are inhaling, and so on.
She had us close our eyes so that things on the table wouldn't distract us. Then we picked up the ice cubes again in the same hand as before, and we did the exercise all over again.
WOW what a difference! The time went by a lot faster, and I barely felt the pain. I did feel it at first, and whined in my head, thinking, "couldn't we have just picked it up in the other hand this time???" but then I pushed that thought out of my head. I was only conscious of the fact that something was in my hand half the time, and of the pain even less than that. When I did notice the pain, it was kindof surreal, and I felt much more able to handle it. Then we dropped the ice-cubes, and my hand didn't even hurt as much afterwards. It took less than a minute to go back to feeling normal, whereas the other time it had taken much longer.
So there's something I found completely enthralling! I want to do it again, just so I can get good at the concentration thing. I did it on Tuesday when I had my blood drawn and I, who am normally afraid of needles and tense up like you wouldn't believe, was just fine and even able to relax my body. Which was a good thing because I've never bruised so much by having blood drawn EVER. And I've had my fair share of pokes in my life.
Wow this is getting long, and I'm not even done yet! I'll pare down what else I was going to talk about.
I had a great midwife appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but I felt really good about everything afterwards. I had been anxious because I'm a month away from D-Day, and I still hadn't met one of the midwives on my team. See, I have 3 midwives, and they take turns being on call for delivery. This midwife is on call the week before and after I'm due, and I was kindof freaking out about having someone there to coach me who I didn't even know.
My worries were for nothing though. She's great. Like, one of those people you have an instant report with. She was happy to answer my long list of questions (longest list yet so far, actually. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to my questioning ways...) and she was just so nice. And encouraging/empowering. And I still have 2 more appointments with her before I'm due, so huzzah. I feel a lot better, needless to say!
So that made me feel good, and then our baby talk made me feel good. I'm measuring right on track (hurray for growing the appropriate amount!), baby Eli was kicking up a storm and had a heart rate of about 135-140 (it's pretty much been that for months, so everything is normal), he's still head down, AND he's not posterior.
See, I was quite sure he had turned so that he was back to back with me and I was pretty anxious about that as I want to deliver naturally and that'd be much more difficult with a posterior baby, but he was so far from posterior that it was funny. His back was straight down my front, running along the whole linea nigra line, he had one foot and hand to the side, and the kicks along the top that I had been feeling were not kicks, but rather his bum pushing against me when he would stretch. I hadn't thought of that! I figured because I was feeling movement in two places at once, that they were both feet.
OH and here's something that really excited me. He's already engaged. As in, he's already dropped. Why the italics? Because I didn't think he'd do that for another week or two at least. And, much as I'm trying to expect to go overdue, I also have heard from a large number of sources, that the baby is usually born within 3 weeks if he is engaged. So here's hoping. Not that I need anything else to make the wait more painful...
At the same time, I was completely disappointed to hear he'd already dropped. I really thought I'd be able to tell he had done so because he'd stop pushing on my ribs so much and I'd be able to breathe easier. At least, that's what I read everywhere. But no, no change in the breathing department whatsoever. In fact, I think he's trying to make use of the extra space to stretch out a little bit more. My ribs have apparently really been pushed outwards for him (or by him...) and so has something at the front, in the middle of my ribs. I don't remember what it's called, but it's making things awkward.
If I didn't feel other things, I might not actually believe my midwife's "I'd call that engaged" statement, but I've been feeling that pressure that people talk of whenever I walk. I used to just feel unsteady when I first got up in the morning, or to go pee, but now I feel it all the time. It's not too bad yet, but it's there.
Anyway, there's so much else I wanted to post on. How I went to the temple for the last time in a while, how I finished Christmas shopping, how I got $40 back off my carseat because it went on sale a week after I bought it, how I bought my lamp and mobile to match my set and it looks oh so lovely, how I'm starting Christmas baking tomorrow, lots of things. BUT, my friends, I need to go pee, and then I'm going to chill with Matt because he stayed home this afternoon to be with me. Isn't he the best? :D
I'll try to post again before Christmas (ONE WEEK MORE!) so that I don't wallop you all with another novel of a post...sorry about that!
Have a great week preparing for Christmas!!
P.S. For es and Red's benefit, I counted and fixed around 10 spelling mistakes, and I'm pretty sure I missed one. Just so you don't think I don't make any... ;)
Friday, December 11, 2009
I'm SO counting down...
I can't help it! I feel like my mind is completely consumed right now.
Want to know something completely ridiculous, that is probably going to make time go very slowly for me??? I've been going to this website pretty much every day, clicking in the baby's due date, and seeing how many days I have left. Even if I already remember because it's just yesterday's total minus one. I just like to see the number decreasing! I was pretty excited when the number got into the 50's, then the 40's, and then the 30's.
Do you see what I mean about how obsessive I get with dates?
And can I tell you a secret? Today is one month until the due date the ultrasound tech gave me. Yep, that's right, I'm leaking one teeny date for you just to make myself feel better. He said January 11th. Now, before you get all excited thinking you know the due date, just remember that the midwives have moved my dd around several times, so that it was nearly 2 weeks off from what the tech said at one point. I won't tell you where they left it. You'll just have to keep wondering.
So I'm pretty sure the countdown come January is going to kill me. But wait, I have a (small small) plan, just in case I go late (or rather, when I go late, because I probably will) just to make the due date seem a little less dreadful. I'm going to have a due date party. Nothing big, but I'd like to go pamper myself. Get dressed up, put on make-up, go and get my nails done, maybe buy something pretty and frivolous just for me, and have Matt take me out for dinner. One part of me is hoping to not have the due date party, and another part of me thinks it'd be fun to be in labour and have my toenails done up in a french manicure. It reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red the night before her first day at Chilton, because all good, posh private-school girls have red toenails underneath their perfect shoes.
Anyway, tomorrow is our day-long prenatal class, and I'm really looking forward to it. So that I feel more prepared, so that I feel Matthew is prepared, but mostly because I hope it makes me feel more pregnancy motivated.
This will seem totally backwards, so brace yourselves.
As much as I'm counting down day by day, it's always with this disbelief as to how close and real all of this is. I still don't feel too pregnant, just a little big in front and tired, and a little more emotional than normal. It's hard to convince myself that labour will happen, and it's therefore hard to prepare for it with any amount of enthusiasm. I have a hospital bag, but I don't feel like packing it, and I have pregnancy books to read about tips and tricks during labour to manage the pain, and I get bored reading them. As excited as I am about baby stuff, I'm having a hard time putting everything away in the room.
It's kind of weird, isn't it? It's all I've been working on or doing for the past 8 months, and it's almost like I don't want to do it any more. I can't even convince myself to clean the house top to bottom in anticipation of the baby, because he won't really be coming any time. Not really.
And yet, to contradict and complicate all of this further, I've been planning things and organizing timelines in my mind, so that I know how many times I'll do something before the baby comes. Like, I'm planning on getting my hair cut the week of Christmas so that it'll be nice and fresh. And I'll probably need to buy one more bag of cat food before the baby comes, just to make sure she has enough for when Rob stays here at the house. And (boys, if there are any boys reading this at all, just skip this next line if such things bother you) then there's shaving my legs. I still shave my calves every other day, but I've planned to shave my upper legs once in 2 weeks, and then once more RIGHT around my due date, just so I don't have gross hairy legs to look at when I'm in labour. Because I care about stupid stuff like that.
So a part of me is preparing, and a part of me is in denial. I hope the prenatal class tomorrow will wake the denial part of me up so that I'll actually be ready. As ready as one can be anyway.
Anyway, speaking of being ready and prepared, I should probably go and get ready for the day and get something done around the house so that it doesn't look like I do nothing all day to Matt. Even if it's true... ;)
Want to know something completely ridiculous, that is probably going to make time go very slowly for me??? I've been going to this website pretty much every day, clicking in the baby's due date, and seeing how many days I have left. Even if I already remember because it's just yesterday's total minus one. I just like to see the number decreasing! I was pretty excited when the number got into the 50's, then the 40's, and then the 30's.
Do you see what I mean about how obsessive I get with dates?
And can I tell you a secret? Today is one month until the due date the ultrasound tech gave me. Yep, that's right, I'm leaking one teeny date for you just to make myself feel better. He said January 11th. Now, before you get all excited thinking you know the due date, just remember that the midwives have moved my dd around several times, so that it was nearly 2 weeks off from what the tech said at one point. I won't tell you where they left it. You'll just have to keep wondering.
So I'm pretty sure the countdown come January is going to kill me. But wait, I have a (small small) plan, just in case I go late (or rather, when I go late, because I probably will) just to make the due date seem a little less dreadful. I'm going to have a due date party. Nothing big, but I'd like to go pamper myself. Get dressed up, put on make-up, go and get my nails done, maybe buy something pretty and frivolous just for me, and have Matt take me out for dinner. One part of me is hoping to not have the due date party, and another part of me thinks it'd be fun to be in labour and have my toenails done up in a french manicure. It reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red the night before her first day at Chilton, because all good, posh private-school girls have red toenails underneath their perfect shoes.
Anyway, tomorrow is our day-long prenatal class, and I'm really looking forward to it. So that I feel more prepared, so that I feel Matthew is prepared, but mostly because I hope it makes me feel more pregnancy motivated.
This will seem totally backwards, so brace yourselves.
As much as I'm counting down day by day, it's always with this disbelief as to how close and real all of this is. I still don't feel too pregnant, just a little big in front and tired, and a little more emotional than normal. It's hard to convince myself that labour will happen, and it's therefore hard to prepare for it with any amount of enthusiasm. I have a hospital bag, but I don't feel like packing it, and I have pregnancy books to read about tips and tricks during labour to manage the pain, and I get bored reading them. As excited as I am about baby stuff, I'm having a hard time putting everything away in the room.
It's kind of weird, isn't it? It's all I've been working on or doing for the past 8 months, and it's almost like I don't want to do it any more. I can't even convince myself to clean the house top to bottom in anticipation of the baby, because he won't really be coming any time. Not really.
And yet, to contradict and complicate all of this further, I've been planning things and organizing timelines in my mind, so that I know how many times I'll do something before the baby comes. Like, I'm planning on getting my hair cut the week of Christmas so that it'll be nice and fresh. And I'll probably need to buy one more bag of cat food before the baby comes, just to make sure she has enough for when Rob stays here at the house. And (boys, if there are any boys reading this at all, just skip this next line if such things bother you) then there's shaving my legs. I still shave my calves every other day, but I've planned to shave my upper legs once in 2 weeks, and then once more RIGHT around my due date, just so I don't have gross hairy legs to look at when I'm in labour. Because I care about stupid stuff like that.
So a part of me is preparing, and a part of me is in denial. I hope the prenatal class tomorrow will wake the denial part of me up so that I'll actually be ready. As ready as one can be anyway.
Anyway, speaking of being ready and prepared, I should probably go and get ready for the day and get something done around the house so that it doesn't look like I do nothing all day to Matt. Even if it's true... ;)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Some new belly shots (finally)
Okay, first, before I say anything else, I need to complain about my computer. In order for me to get photos off of my camera and onto my computer, I essentially open up the memory card (via a usb cable) and drag and drop the photos I want into a folder on my computer. A wizard would be lovely, but apparently Vista doesn't have one. That's ARGH factor #1. Then there's the fact that it puts them on to my computer in the wrong flippin' order!!! This is REALLY annoying to me, because I like to look through my photos chronologically. This is important to me, because then I can compare which of two shots I like better. But no, the numbers are all out of order. So I take the time to drag and drop every photo into its proper place (because I'm anal like that), and then I notice that they're still titles IMG 7889 for instance. So I select them all and do a mass rename, titling them X weeks X days (in the case of belly shots) so that I can actually remember later on when I'm looking at them. The idea is that they'll all be renamed X weeks X days 1, 2, 3, and so forth. But no. That would be too simple for my freaking Vista system to do! No no. It must first revert them back to their original out-of-order order, and THEN rename them 1, 2, 3, and so on. And now they're stuck like that unless I want to rename every individual photo. AFTER once more fixing the order of them (which I now can't remember.) And even I'm not that anal.
ARRRRRRGH!!!! Seriously fuming right now. SERIOUSLY. Can you not see how annoying that is? Especially when you're working on taking pictures and being a budding photographer, and your computer is all looks with no brain, or is at least secretly working against you???
So, with that being said, I give you new update photos. But first, a reminder of the last update photo I gave you, at 28 weeks:
And now, a side shot from this evening, at, ohhhh I don't know, 8 months and a bit? More than a month and a half later anyway.
So I realize when I compare those two photos that my belly really IS growing and there IS a nearly full-term baby in there. It's so strange to think of. And, because I was curious about how I actually looked from these angles, here's a front and a back shot:
Pretty sure there's a beach ball under that shirt.
So there you have it! Not too much is new with Matt and I, although we've been rather busy. Matt's been working hard at the business, and I've been keeping myself occupied for the most part. I've actually had TOO much to do, and I've been doing it! I'm pretty sure I'm controlled by the weather though, because this morning it was cloudy, cold and windy and all I've wanted to do all day is snuggle up under some warm blankets and watch a movie.
I had my family baby shower on the weekend, and it was wonderful to see my family and friends and spend some time with them. My mom and sister did a great job on the shower, and we played some of the best baby shower games I've ever played thanks to Matt's mum. AND I'm finally starting to feel ready for the baby to come. I now have a carseat, and the crib is all set up with a mattress and bedding. I still have to put everything else away, but I hope to tomorrow.
We also had our very last photography class on Monday, and I can't say how excited I am! It's been a good semester, I've learned so much, but MAN those drives were getting to be tedious, and the classes a teeny bit boring. Okay, so not a teeny bit!
So yeah. That's pretty much it. I know, not much of an update! And it's been more than a week since I posted last too. It's not that things haven't been happening, I just don't know how interesting they'd be on a blog. Like tonight we went to Matt's parent's to play board games, and the power kept going on and off, so we came home. See what I mean? Next week I have a mw appointment with a midwife I've never met before so that should be interesting, and after that I start going EVERY week, so huzzah for the homestretch. I'm getting way too excited.
Anyway, I think I'm going to go change into my pyjamas and watch the last couple hours of Pride and Prejudice. What can be better on a cold night than pyjamas, a warm blanket, a chocolate-peanut butter milkshake a la Matthew, and some nice P & P Mr Darcy-ness???
ARRRRRRGH!!!! Seriously fuming right now. SERIOUSLY. Can you not see how annoying that is? Especially when you're working on taking pictures and being a budding photographer, and your computer is all looks with no brain, or is at least secretly working against you???
So, with that being said, I give you new update photos. But first, a reminder of the last update photo I gave you, at 28 weeks:
And now, a side shot from this evening, at, ohhhh I don't know, 8 months and a bit? More than a month and a half later anyway.
So I realize when I compare those two photos that my belly really IS growing and there IS a nearly full-term baby in there. It's so strange to think of. And, because I was curious about how I actually looked from these angles, here's a front and a back shot:
Pretty sure there's a beach ball under that shirt.
Okay, so I'm pretty happy about the whole not really pregnant from behind thing, but I'm 99% sure that in a month and a bit (EEEE!) when the baby comes, all the chub that has been pulled forwards will snap back and be quite visible from the hips and so on. Even still though, I'll take having a half-decent figure at any point in the whole pregnancy and post-pregnancy thing. It's a nice bonus. Don't get me wrong though, I'd be happy to be pregnant even if it meant I looked like a whale. I'm just all the happier to not look like a whale. Get what I'm saying??
So there you have it! Not too much is new with Matt and I, although we've been rather busy. Matt's been working hard at the business, and I've been keeping myself occupied for the most part. I've actually had TOO much to do, and I've been doing it! I'm pretty sure I'm controlled by the weather though, because this morning it was cloudy, cold and windy and all I've wanted to do all day is snuggle up under some warm blankets and watch a movie.
I had my family baby shower on the weekend, and it was wonderful to see my family and friends and spend some time with them. My mom and sister did a great job on the shower, and we played some of the best baby shower games I've ever played thanks to Matt's mum. AND I'm finally starting to feel ready for the baby to come. I now have a carseat, and the crib is all set up with a mattress and bedding. I still have to put everything else away, but I hope to tomorrow.
We also had our very last photography class on Monday, and I can't say how excited I am! It's been a good semester, I've learned so much, but MAN those drives were getting to be tedious, and the classes a teeny bit boring. Okay, so not a teeny bit!
So yeah. That's pretty much it. I know, not much of an update! And it's been more than a week since I posted last too. It's not that things haven't been happening, I just don't know how interesting they'd be on a blog. Like tonight we went to Matt's parent's to play board games, and the power kept going on and off, so we came home. See what I mean? Next week I have a mw appointment with a midwife I've never met before so that should be interesting, and after that I start going EVERY week, so huzzah for the homestretch. I'm getting way too excited.
Anyway, I think I'm going to go change into my pyjamas and watch the last couple hours of Pride and Prejudice. What can be better on a cold night than pyjamas, a warm blanket, a chocolate-peanut butter milkshake a la Matthew, and some nice P & P Mr Darcy-ness???
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
December has arrived!
I've been so excited to post today, and now that today is here, I'm feeling a little deflated and unenthused. Sad! I'm going to put as much gusto into this post as I can stand right now, and we'll see how it goes.
Life has been good lately. SO good. Wonderful, even. I really don't have a reason to complain and to be in a funk at this particular moment (but hey, does a pregnant woman need a reason to feel emotional and blah and to come home and change back into her pyjamas? I didn't think so.) Here are some of the wonderful things going on:
-my aunt is getting better. Like, a lot better. I didn't mention it much because I was pretty worried, but man, was she ever sick with that H1N1. I guess having double pneumonia and being on a ventilator and heavy sedation is pretty serious stuff. I didn't realize how serious until I saw a nurse friend's reaction when I told her about it. BUT my aunt if off the ventilator and has even been transferred back home to her little, small town hospital to finish her recovery. She should be allowed to go home in a week or two. So YAY!
-tonight we have our last photography class for our advanced photography. Then next Monday we have our last class for our other photography class, and I am SO excited to be done! No more 2-night-a-week commitments! Just freedom. Oh, and family home evenings on Mondays again!
-it snowed for the first time early early this morning. I LOVE SNOW. Except, of course, when it hinders my plans. But still. It hadn't snowed yet (HA I almost typed 'snown'...good old English language) and I was pretty bummed because it usually starts in November. But when I got up to go to the bathroom at 2am I noticed that the ground was white and when I looked at the streetlight the snow was falling softly. It gave me a thrill and I stood there at the window just watching for a minute before crawling back into bed. And then I think my bed felt even cosier and warm just because I knew it was snowing outside. And now I feel like doing Christmas baking!
-While standing at the window watching the snow I thought to myself, "hey, it IS 2 hours into December after all! What a nice way to start off the month..." which then made me think of how it really, truly, finally is December. Which means so many good things. It means my family shower on Saturday, Christmas shopping, the Christmas cantata, Christmas itself (!!!), AND...best part of all...it means I can finally say I'm due next month. Next. Month. Ohh the thrills and excitement this gives me! Even in my melancholy mood, the very thought of it brings a smile to my face.
So that means I'm about 8 months along right now. And holy moley that sounds really far along. Probably because it IS, which is such a weird thought. In 2 months (well, less actually) we are going to have a baby. Here. At our house. Waking us up and making us smile and cry and laugh and relax and stress and all of those opposite things that make me so happy!
-Oh! December also means doing our childbirth training class, one more 2-week appointment, switching to EVERY week appointments, and putting the finishing touches on the baby's room.
So all in all I'm excited about December. Christmas shopping (I'd go this afternoon if I didn't have my project to finish), seeing family and friends (Julia's coming! Yayness!) eating good food, and having time fly by so that I don't go crazy counting down the days until Elijah is here.
Oh, here's something funny. So apparently Jewish people have a tradition of setting a place at the table for Elijah the prophet so that they're ready when he comes and welcoming him. Matt's dad says that we'll have to set a place at the table for our Elijah, showing that we're prepared and that he can come whenever he wants. CUTE. And I had the funniest conversation with my friend, Lindsay, and this older man in the ward the other day. First off all, you need to understand that this man is very outspoken and like to make jokes that are clever knee-slappers (and at which you sometimes groan inwardly.) He was going on about how the world is still waiting for Elijah (the prophet) to come and that my baby's name is going to be Elijah (hint hint, coincidence? Well, yes. But anyway...) then my friend Lindsay says, "Elijah's already come though. Remember...the Kirtland temple?" to which this man says, "Well then who is it we're waiting for? There's someone..." and starts sortof smacking his head because he can't remember, and then Lindsay says, "Umm.....Jesus????" It was hilarious to say the least! Maybe a you-just-had-to-be-there hilarious, but still. Play it out in your mind, and give the man an Italian accent, and you'll see what I mean!
Anyway, to sum it all up, there is why December is so darn exciting.
I had a midwife appointment today, and it was all good and normal. Baby boy is still head down, and although I haven't grown much in the last couple weeks (1/2 to 1cm) my midwife isn't worried, so I'm trying not to be too. She says that babies and women's bodies go through growth spurts at different points. I don't really know! I just feel like I'm not very big, or at least, not as big as I expected to be at 8 months. I'm glad and not at the same time. I just want the baby to be healthy and strong.
Oh, here's something. Did you know that the pigmentation of your belly button can change when you're pregnant? I knew about the linea nigra thing changing colour and going a little brown but I was seriously worried that my belly button was perma-dirty, and apparently it's fine.
So there's all of the interesting things I can muster up for my post! Part of me feels better (you know, the whole "count your blessings" mentality?) and another part feels sad and blah still. I'm sure it'll go away. It always does. It's probably just because Matt's leaving to go back to work now. Pathetic huh? Haha
Anyway, I'll wrap this up now and post a recent belly photo in a couple days or so, so that you can decide for yourself if I'm not big enough. We'll see.
Life has been good lately. SO good. Wonderful, even. I really don't have a reason to complain and to be in a funk at this particular moment (but hey, does a pregnant woman need a reason to feel emotional and blah and to come home and change back into her pyjamas? I didn't think so.) Here are some of the wonderful things going on:
-my aunt is getting better. Like, a lot better. I didn't mention it much because I was pretty worried, but man, was she ever sick with that H1N1. I guess having double pneumonia and being on a ventilator and heavy sedation is pretty serious stuff. I didn't realize how serious until I saw a nurse friend's reaction when I told her about it. BUT my aunt if off the ventilator and has even been transferred back home to her little, small town hospital to finish her recovery. She should be allowed to go home in a week or two. So YAY!
-tonight we have our last photography class for our advanced photography. Then next Monday we have our last class for our other photography class, and I am SO excited to be done! No more 2-night-a-week commitments! Just freedom. Oh, and family home evenings on Mondays again!
-it snowed for the first time early early this morning. I LOVE SNOW. Except, of course, when it hinders my plans. But still. It hadn't snowed yet (HA I almost typed 'snown'...good old English language) and I was pretty bummed because it usually starts in November. But when I got up to go to the bathroom at 2am I noticed that the ground was white and when I looked at the streetlight the snow was falling softly. It gave me a thrill and I stood there at the window just watching for a minute before crawling back into bed. And then I think my bed felt even cosier and warm just because I knew it was snowing outside. And now I feel like doing Christmas baking!
-While standing at the window watching the snow I thought to myself, "hey, it IS 2 hours into December after all! What a nice way to start off the month..." which then made me think of how it really, truly, finally is December. Which means so many good things. It means my family shower on Saturday, Christmas shopping, the Christmas cantata, Christmas itself (!!!), AND...best part of all...it means I can finally say I'm due next month. Next. Month. Ohh the thrills and excitement this gives me! Even in my melancholy mood, the very thought of it brings a smile to my face.
So that means I'm about 8 months along right now. And holy moley that sounds really far along. Probably because it IS, which is such a weird thought. In 2 months (well, less actually) we are going to have a baby. Here. At our house. Waking us up and making us smile and cry and laugh and relax and stress and all of those opposite things that make me so happy!
-Oh! December also means doing our childbirth training class, one more 2-week appointment, switching to EVERY week appointments, and putting the finishing touches on the baby's room.
So all in all I'm excited about December. Christmas shopping (I'd go this afternoon if I didn't have my project to finish), seeing family and friends (Julia's coming! Yayness!) eating good food, and having time fly by so that I don't go crazy counting down the days until Elijah is here.
Oh, here's something funny. So apparently Jewish people have a tradition of setting a place at the table for Elijah the prophet so that they're ready when he comes and welcoming him. Matt's dad says that we'll have to set a place at the table for our Elijah, showing that we're prepared and that he can come whenever he wants. CUTE. And I had the funniest conversation with my friend, Lindsay, and this older man in the ward the other day. First off all, you need to understand that this man is very outspoken and like to make jokes that are clever knee-slappers (and at which you sometimes groan inwardly.) He was going on about how the world is still waiting for Elijah (the prophet) to come and that my baby's name is going to be Elijah (hint hint, coincidence? Well, yes. But anyway...) then my friend Lindsay says, "Elijah's already come though. Remember...the Kirtland temple?" to which this man says, "Well then who is it we're waiting for? There's someone..." and starts sortof smacking his head because he can't remember, and then Lindsay says, "Umm.....Jesus????" It was hilarious to say the least! Maybe a you-just-had-to-be-there hilarious, but still. Play it out in your mind, and give the man an Italian accent, and you'll see what I mean!
Anyway, to sum it all up, there is why December is so darn exciting.
I had a midwife appointment today, and it was all good and normal. Baby boy is still head down, and although I haven't grown much in the last couple weeks (1/2 to 1cm) my midwife isn't worried, so I'm trying not to be too. She says that babies and women's bodies go through growth spurts at different points. I don't really know! I just feel like I'm not very big, or at least, not as big as I expected to be at 8 months. I'm glad and not at the same time. I just want the baby to be healthy and strong.
Oh, here's something. Did you know that the pigmentation of your belly button can change when you're pregnant? I knew about the linea nigra thing changing colour and going a little brown but I was seriously worried that my belly button was perma-dirty, and apparently it's fine.
So there's all of the interesting things I can muster up for my post! Part of me feels better (you know, the whole "count your blessings" mentality?) and another part feels sad and blah still. I'm sure it'll go away. It always does. It's probably just because Matt's leaving to go back to work now. Pathetic huh? Haha
Anyway, I'll wrap this up now and post a recent belly photo in a couple days or so, so that you can decide for yourself if I'm not big enough. We'll see.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)