Remember that phrase that goes, "No news is good news"? I think it's all a farce. I mean, who is ever really content with not having any news? Doesn't it just drive you crazy?
Like when you want a phone call saying someone got home safe, and they still haven't called. Or when you've put an offer in on a house and the real estate agent hasn't got back to you yet. Or you're waiting to get picked up to go somewhere and your ride is an hour late and you're just sitting there waiting.
I'm pretty sure each of those scenarios are examples where no news is NOT good news. And that would still apply even if I wasn't a naturally impatient person. So there.
And for the record, there's no news on the baby.
Here are the facts, because I know you're dying to hear them:
-Eli was considered "dropped" or engaged since 36 weeks. That was almost 4 weeks ago. BUT that doesn't mean too too much for a first time pregnancy, because you can drop quite a bit beforehand.
-my midwife said she'd consider him 'deeply engaged' given that she could only feel two or three fifths of his head. That was exciting for like, a day. Then every day that has passed since has dragged.
-I've been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, which is a good sign that my body is preparing for labour, but not a definite sign of going into labour at any specified time. RATS huh? Oh, except now the Braxton Hicks are always accompanied by crampy pains, and that's something new.
-Sometimes I get real contractions that are short and not very close together and that don't last. Also a good sign (good job body for preparing me so well beforehand!)
Aaaaaaand much as I hate to say it, that's kind of it. There were a few days where I was feeling crampy more, but then the last few days there hasn't really been anything. EXCEPT in the middle of the night a couple nights ago when I had a mini contraction and I decided to keep myself awake and see when the next one would come, totally not thinking about how sleepy that would make me the next day. I ended up being awake for an hour, I felt another 2, and then that was it. So unexciting.
So I've realized something. At first I was excited and paid attention to every single ache and pain I felt, thinking, "Oh my goodness, is this IT?!" and then of course it wasn't (because you'd know by now if it WAS.)
My realization was this: if it was labour, it'd have happened by now. In the meantime, I'm just stressing myself out obsessing over everything. And once labour starts, it's darn near impossible to stop, so I need to stop wondering if this is it, just go with it, and if things happen to start picking up and increasing in strength, length and frequency then I'll start to pay more attention to it. In the meantime, I need to not care so much (not an easy feat for me!)
3 days until my due date. And if that wasn't crazy enough, TODAY is the due date the ultrasound tech gave me (I can't help but keep both dates in the back of my mind.) Why do I care about the difference? Well, it just makes me feel better. The midwives pushed back my due date given the fact that my cycles were normally 32 days long...2 1/2 years ago. It's my fault really. I told them my average length was 32 days, completely forgetting that I hadn't actually calculated the average in a long time, and that over the last year or two they've been shorter than that. Oops. So now they figure it's better to have it later than early so I don't go too far past the date and need to be induced. And I agree, I don't want to be induced. But it feels better for my psyche to believe in both dates and keep them stored away up top.
Yesterday Matt and I were talking and he said that it feels so close, being able to tell people I'm due this week. Like there was a tangible change from Saturday to Sunday in terms of how imminent everything feels. For me, I still have a hard time thinking it'll ever happen. And yet I want it more than I've wanted just about anything.
**SIGH**
I'm just going to stop rambling about baby stuff right now, because I feel like my thoughts are incoherent and that I'm going in circles. To sum up, yes I'm still pregnant (I had a guy yesterday say that I precede myself...not exactly the most flattering comment, but it was meant well), no I don't know when it'll be, no I don't know how big the baby is at this point, yes I just want him out of me, no I don't feel terrible, yes I want to meet him, yes it feels like I've been pregnant forever, yes it feels like time has flown by (both feelings at once, figure that one out!), no I'm not really nervous, and yes I'm very excited.
I wanted to post a new photo of my 9-month along self but Matthew is at work, and the camera is there with him, so no photo for now. Perhaps I'll get him to do one for me at lunch and then I'll post it in a separate blog post. Check in later this afternoon and hopefully there'll be something!
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