Perspective gained and cabin fever

Originally I had intended to post about how ridiculously emotional I have been lately, and it's true, I really have been a wreck. But I hesitated in posting too much about it for fear that I would seem to be complaining, or that I would come off as just plain annoying. So I waited, and I'm glad I did.

I'm still emotional. The word I used at lunch today to describe myself is, in my opinion, pretty accurate. I told Matt while fighting back tears that I feel fragile, and that the littlest thing could break me right now.

This morning I was kind of breaking down (so maybe not kind of...) and all I could think was, "I can't do this any more..." which, even at the time, I knew was untrue and silly, but I felt pretty helpless, and I haven't even hit my due date yet.

Then this evening I gained some perspective (aside: gaining perspective always makes me think of Anton Ego from Ratatouille now...does anyone know what I'm talking about?)

Anyway, perspective. I was reading my scriptures, flipping through the New Testament looking for a particular scripture that I felt I needed to read a bit about. It was highlighted, so as I was flipping through I kept stopping to read other verses I had highlighted a while ago. I came across these two in Hebrews 6:

That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises. (v. 12)

And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. (v. 15)

To make it even greater and more meaningful, it's talking about Abraham and him waiting patiently for the promise of posterity to be fulfilled. Hmm...just slightly related, don't you think?

These two verses, while not the ones I was looking for, were perfect for me right now. I don't know if I'd call myself lazy lately, I HAVE been working away, but there isn't much to clean in my house anymore, and I haven't felt like doing any of the things I used to normally enjoy, like reading or watching movies. Then I go crazy from boredom, and get impatient, and start to despair.

I need to remember the promises that Matthew and I have been given, have faith in them, and trust that Heavenly Father knows what He is about. I need to not worry about the baby dying inside of me before he's born (seriously, my biggest fear lately. Childbirth? No problem. The baby dying before childbirth happens? Oh boy. Can we say 'lost sleep'?) I need to be the one who faithfully and patiently endures.

So then I carried on, looking for my other scripture. I knew the scripture, but I wanted to read it and see if there were any applicable cross-references. I found the scripture I was looking for, highlighted in pink on the last page of Philippians (chapter 4):

...for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. (v. 11)

Obviously applicable, no?

Then my eye glanced further down the page to see this other scripture, also highlighted in pink, that I had forgotten about:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (v. 13)

And I thought back to this morning, and my desperate, "I can't do this any more" crying. I knew it wasn't true, but I couldn't muster the strength to rally and believe I could do this a bit more. This scripture helped me to remember that I can do this, no matter how difficult my emotions are to deal with.

I don't know if I've said it before on here, but the most difficult part of being pregnant for me has been the emotional side of things. (edit: I have mentioned this, probably repeatedly. The last time was a mere 8 days ago. My apologies for being horribly repetitive!) I've been so lucky to have an extremely uneventful and easy pregnancy. I expected it to be harder, and physically, I feel like I could go on a lot longer being pregnant and it wouldn't bother me a bit. But the emotions have been more than I bargained for and are starting to drive me wild. I'm desperate to have this baby, not because of the way my body is behaving, but because I don't think my mind can sanely handle too much more. I guess I'm a pretty high-strung person. BUT with all of the above scriptures in mind, I think I can handle it for however much longer I need to. I mean, come on, what is another 2 weeks and 2 days maximum, when you've already been pregnant for 40 weeks (today!)??????

So anyway, there is my philosophical jaw for the day. And now I have to post a video because I feel that it describes how I've been feeling pretty perfectly. It's from Muppet Treasure Island, a movie my little brother and I used to watch over and over and over. I still remember the words!

Enjoy. :D