Well, Abigail is officially discharged from the midwives. With Elijah, it felt pretty bittersweet at this point, mostly because I felt like I was barely getting my feet on the ground, and all of a sudden my constant source of support and help for the last 9 months disappeared. With Abigail, though, I feel like I stopped needing the midwives sooner, and that even though she was discharged today, we actually stopped needing them after our last appointment 3 weeks ago.
Yesterday I drove past my the MW's building, and it conjured up feelings of nostalgia, like, "Huh, I used to go there! Those were fun and exciting times..." and then I was like, "Wait a minute. I'm still a patient of theirs. I haven't been discharged yet, and I am still under their care! Why am I feeling all the nostalgia???" It was strange, to feel so detached and beyond that time of my life. I think it's a good thing, that I've moved beyond the pregnancy aspect of having Abigail, and that we're so well settled, having her in our lives.
Now, I realize that saying that without any other caveats makes it seem like we've got it all together, so I'll tell you now, we DO NOT! My biggest problem is that Abigail needs to be held all the time, it seems. You know how newborns are supposed to sleep a lot? Well, she took a 45 minute nap and a 20 minute nap while NOT being held today, and otherwise she caught 10 minutes here and 5 minutes there while being held, or traveling in the car. So she gets so little sleep during the day, and my shoulders are kind of burning, from cradling her in the crook of my arms. Tonight at crocheting (women from my ward get together to crochet...cheesy, I know, but I love it...) I got a little upset and frustrated. I felt so guilty, but Abigail was crying and I just did not want to hold her anymore, and had felt like I'd spent all day holding her. I picked her up anyway, and sure enough, she fell asleep a minute after I picked her up, but thankfully there were a couple other ladies there tonight who like to hold babies and wanted to help out. It saved me the trouble of thinking, "Why did I bother coming?"
I know that sounds entirely ungrateful, but I've stopped deluding myself into thinking that experiencing infertility makes you think hard parenting things are easy because you just love them so much (insert sigh here.) It's simply not true! It's hard to not get anything done, and have your toddler get jealous because you are ALWAYS holding the baby, and not able to play with him much. I DO love my daughter so much (so very VERY much!) but that doesn't mean I want to be her pillow and bassinet for every waking moment.
And speak of the devil...I'm going to have to finish this post one-handed it seems...haha!
So there, we don't have that down yet, and I'm also struggling big time with Elijah's new defiant phase. I try to do time outs, but he cries like I've wounded his soul. It breaks my heart, because there are real tears there, and all he wants afterwards is to hug and snuggle, which makes me think I'm doing something wrong, for him to get so incredibly sad. Anger, I can handle, and was even expecting, but TEARS? Seriously? But what am I supposed to do when he smacks Abigail's stomach so hard that she cries?
Anyway, on to the appointment! Abigail is up to 11lb 10oz and just about 24" long. She's a big girl. I tried finding percentile calculators, but couldn't find one that did it by weeks rather than months. Oh well.
I'm doing well as well, and am cleared to do pretty much everything, which is nice. We've had some nice weather lately and I've been wanting to go jogging before it turns too cold, so hopefully I'll be able to get out a few times before then.
It was fun talking to the MW I saw today. It was Kl, who delivered Elijah, and it was the first time I'd seen her since delivering Abigail. I thoroughly enjoyed talking about Abigail's birth story with her, she made a good audience, and could remember the particulars of Elijah's birth, so she could compare the two in her mind and be thoroughly shocked at all the right places. I love that seeing the MW's is so personal, and that they remember me and things about me so well. Also, I saw Kr briefly when I got there, and I realized that I genuinely love that woman. She is so wonderful and nice, and I feel an immense amount of gratitude for her and how she handle Abigail's delivery. I am so grateful for such great health care providers. Sometimes in Canada it's hard to find one that works for you, as there is a major doctor shortage, and you don't have the luxury of shopping around, you pretty much just go with the family doctor that is accepting patients, and count your lucky stars if you have one that lives within an hour or you. No joke! I feel so blessed to have such great MW's who happen to live in my geographical area. It is seriously one of the things that would keep me from moving away before I'm done having kids.
Anyway, I'm going to finish this up and head to bed.
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