True to form (for me...) I already missed a day of Nablopomo. But not true to form for me is my still trying to do it anyway. I have a hard time with follow-through, and usually once I mess up and don't do something I feel like there is little point in continuing on and doing it anyway. It's kind of damaging, I know, because I never accomplish much and don't get those warm fuzzy feelings of, "Hey, look how amazing I am, I completed something!" That's why finishing Abigail's blanket and graduating university were big things for me, ya know?
But I figure this can be an exercise in doing something even when I know it won't be perfect by the time I get to the end. I won't be able to say I did it every day for a month (or at least for the month of November) but I'll still have all of my blog entries to show for it.
Really though, this is a problem for me. I can't even tell you how many hobbies I have taken up but never become really good at. I'll try to list some that I've dabbled in since I've been married. There's cross-stitching, embroidery, sewing, scrapbooking, photography (which involved 3 classes I took,) piano (to the point of taking lessons and completing grade exams,) photo-editing, writing, and running (because we're listing hobbies, not crafts, right?) And that's the list of things that I'm not currently working on! Well, I guess photography is still on the list of things I'm working on, but not actively. Currently I am working on crocheting and have not yet given up on it despite my apparent inability to crochet this blanket I'm working on, and I'm also putting an effort forth in blogging and (as always) reading. Reading is the one constant throughout my life, the hobby I rarely give up. The only exception was when I was feeling depressed, and didn't want to do anything at all.
So when I was on kijiji this morning and looking at violins, I started feeling pretty crummy about myself. Who am I kidding? Yes, I'd love to play the violin, just like how I'd love to make baby blankets, decorate my home in embroidered pictures (the cute kind) be able to play piano in church, take amazing photos and have a photography business on the side of my family life, and have an awesome body thanks to my love of running. But reality is that it takes work to get any one of those things, and again and again I feel like I am spreading myself so thin.
Matthew said something to me once, and it has kind of stuck with me. One time when I was feeling low about this whole Jack-of-all-trades/master-of-none problem I have, he told me that I am smart, capable, and can do or be anything I want. He said he believed that I could be amazing at anything I set my mind to, if only I'd actually set my mind to it. I thought about it, and (in all humility here) I think he's right. Or, at least within the realm of the things I've already tried. I don't think I could be an Olympic figure skater or a pop singer, but I could get to grade 10 in piano. I could get good at running and have an amazing body. I could run a photography business and take amazing photos (that AREN'T the candid ones I'm used to taking.) I know I could do all of these things, but I don't follow through on any of them, so I never get good at them.
See, I tend to get discouraged when I can't quickly become good at something. I forget that anything worth having/doing/being takes time and effort, and is not just handed to you. If it was easy to play the piano well, everyone would be able to. Which reminds me of a quote from the weekend (at Stake Women's Day) which went, "The only things we can quickly become are not worth becoming. For example, angry, contentious, prideful. The things that are of value take much more time and effort, and include things like happiness, peace and humility." Yeah, I totally paraphrased that and it's not very grammatical, but you get the picture. Things worth becoming=time. So we can't get discouraged that we're not there yet.
Another problem that I have is wanting to do too many things, and spreading myself too thin. Sure, some people seem to be good at everything, but I think those people are ones who are just always doing something, who have the energy and desire to busy themselves all the time. I'm not one of those people, and sometimes it takes a real effort for me to do anything other than reading, so I can't compare myself to those types of people.
And like always, one of my babies is waking up, needs my attention, and I have to finish up this blog post now so that I can love on them. I was going to think through my list of hobbies and decide which ones to focus/work on, but I'll have to do that later.
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