Then I had Elijah, and "birth plan" took on a whole new meaning. I had been planning a home-birth with him, and had really not anticipated my favourite midwife in the practice being bossy, unsupportive, and not even TRYING to talk me out of going to the hospital for an epidural. Really, it was just, "Okay, off we go then."
So, of course my things didn't go exactly as I'd planned. We had to augment with pit because the epi slowed things down, and I wasn't allowed to eat or use the birthing pool once I had the epidural. By and large, though, I had a good labour and delivery, where after 12 hours of active labour and 40 minutes of pushing, Elijah was born healthy and strong and placed directly on me.
The hardest part about my labour and delivery was the complete lack of support that I felt, though. It saddened me to think about my experience for months afterwards, and I felt a little anger.
3 months after Elijah was born I went to a women's conference, and one of the speakers mentioned in passing that she LOVED giving birth, and (after 5 kids...) had discovered that she really liked to give birth while being surrounded by women she loved. I don't know what it was, but something inside of me got really excited when she described it, and it opened me up to the idea of having more people around the next time I had a baby.
Now, there's one important detail that I've left out of my blog until recently, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to open this up for my family and friends to read, and if I did then I wouldn't be able to mention this, but my mom and I do NOT have a close relationship. It's a long story, but the not entirely unbiased truth is that she thinks things are great between us, while I have a hard time warming up to her and forgetting some past wrongs. Quite frankly, I know I need to forgive and move on, but part of me feels like it's all fake and strained because there's a big elephant in the room, because of past things that have been said or done. SO I find her pretense of a close relationship a little much. My feelings are entirely un-Christlike, but that's a topic for another post.
So anyway, I've never wanted my mom there when I'm in L&D, and with Elijah that meant I wouldn't have anyone there, because it would offend my mom.
This time, though? I knew I needed more support than I had, so my solution was to not tell my mom this aspect of my plans, and it's worked, she never knew who I had planned to have there, and thinks my MIL was only at Abigail's birth out of necessity (more to come.)
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that my experience with Elijah helped me to see what it was that I REALLY needed. Not all of little details that ARE important to note, but will not necessarily contribute to the overall experience. No, by needed I mean what I needed emotionally in order to have the birth that I wanted while ensuring my baby's safety. Because I really do feel that an intervention and pain-med free birth is safer for me and babe, and that supporting me emotionally is just as important as specifying the fact that I do not want forceps or the vacuum to assist in delivery.
So my birth plan this time around was considerably different. A lot more tips and reminders on what I need, and a lot less of the procedural clarifications. Maybe because I was pretty set on staying home this time? And I can't help but wonder if everyone goes through what I did, where they really know themselves and their take on birth in general once they've done it once? I don't know. But I'm curious to find out!
I don't think I ever wrote out my birth plan here, probably because I didn't want my mom knowing all the nitty-gritty details. I'll do it now (please forgive the format and font size...I can't figure out how to change the font size in wordpress.)
Holly’s “Birth Plan”
- GOAL = unmedicated homebirth. However, if more comfortable, unmed. hospital birth. (this was my attempt at keeping open-minded, and not beating myself up if I changed locations for anything other than a medical emergency...)
- possible labour positions – walking, stairs, shower, sitting on edge of bed with my back arched (like when I got my epi last time,) leaning on dresser
- Pushing:
- Natural Pushing – only pushing when urge is there, even if 10cm, or not completely dilated (using “spontaneous, short, grunty pushes at the peak of contractions.”)
- Try other positions (kneeling, hands and knees, sitting on edge of bed, leaning on edge of chair)
- Avoid laying on back, and avoid pulling legs back (tightens perineum)
- Avoid episiotomy
- Baby to be placed directly onto my chest, nurse immediately on my own if possible.
- Pain Relief:
- Shower
- Laughing (try watching some Brian Regan)
- Reminders to relax jaw (someone massage it maybe)
- Deep breathing (try sighing, reminders or suggestions to make low pitched sounds while exhaling)
- Blow raspberries with lips
- Birth companions (Mom, Rachelle, Farrah, Julia, Elizabeth) – can come and go as they please, no talking amongst yourselves through contractions though.
In Case of Hospital
- No electronic monitoring. MW can check baby’s HR intermittently.
- Positions for labour and delivery remain the same as if at home
- In event of c-section, only Matt in room with me. Epidural or spinal preferable to general anesthetic, unless it’s essential.
- NO formula to be given
- Nurses are NOT to give baby her first bath.
- MW to be there when decisions are made, even if under the care of doctor (this one my MW totally missed the boat on with Elijah's labour, I actually needed to ask the nurses to get her to come in before they went ahead with something that they said they needed to do. I just didn't trust them, and wanted to hear it from my MW first.)
What Holly Needs When In Labour
(this section could also be titled - Ways Holly's MW bossed her around and failed to support her last time, with her LACK of doing these things...)
- Instead of, “Don’t scream” say, “Try making this sound instead”
- Explaining motivation behind suggestions (eg – walking usually means labour will progress faster, if you relax your body then your body’s endorphins will help to combat the adrenalin and pain you feel, clenching your jaw when you push tightens your cervix)
- Hearing positive things, such as “You’re beautiful,” “You’re doing great,” etc. Also, have ME say positive things.
- Reminders of non-focused awareness (instead of focusing on pain, acknowledge but don’t dwell on those things that are reaching my senses, like little sounds, what is touching me, my breathing, etc.)
-**Reminders as to the purpose of all the pain** (when I was in labour with Elijah, I completely forgot that there was a baby involved in it all!)
- Visualization – “With each contraction, uterus is pushing the baby further and further down, bringing you closer to meeting her.” “Imagine your cervix opening up like a flower with each contraction”
- Suggestions of things to do for pain relief (see above)
-Reminders that I AM capable of enduring the pain, that my body was made to do this. That around the world there are thousands of other women labouring and giving birth to their babies at the same time as me.
As you can see, I don't have a lot of the protocol stuff mentioned, and I have a ton of ideas of things to do and try. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just what I needed. It was also my passive-aggressive way of confronting the MW from Elijah's birth and making sure she was on board with how I felt. I thought maybe it'd give her some guidance, and remind her of how I want to be treated throughout L&D.
In the end, my birth plan was never actually read when I was in labour. Because so much of it was things to do in labour, and because I had studied and practiced so much, I actually didn't need as many reminders as to what to do, I just remembered and did them. I did mention my birth plan to Matt, but it was right (and I mean RIGHT) before all hell broke loose, so it was forgotten.
It's funny though, thinking of how it all played out. Mom (meaning Matt's mom) was there, and she was going to be anyway, but she was totally there out of necessity, with how close she and Dad live. They were needed every step of the way once all hell broke loose (yes, I refer to it that way for lack of a better way...) and my mom DOES know that Mom (Carol) was there, but it doesn't bother her because she kind of HAD to be. As for all of my other labour support? They wouldn't have made it in time. My MIDWIFE didn't make it in time. And even if I had have been in labour for longer than I was, I still couldn't get a hold of them all day, so they'd have all missed it anyway. Go figure, huh?
Anyway, I'm out of time, even though I don't feel like my mind has completely hashed this out. Let's see if I can whip up a good conclusion.
I love birth plans...they interest me to no end, and excite me because, hey, someone's having a baby and that's pretty exciting stuff. I love them because they remind me of my own, and I get warm fuzzies when I think about my own. Sometimes I think when I read birth plans now that people need to have a list of things that labour support people can do to help you out, because I could have used that for Elijah's labour (or rather, MATT could have, because he was seriously like a deer in the headlights, and didn't know what to do to support me) but I never suggest this to anyone because I don't want to step on anyone's toes, ya know? Really though, I liked the list for my own sake too, because reading and compiling the list helped me to remember all those things.
And if you're reading this and haven't read my birth story with Abigail before and WANT to, after I've mentioned it a bajillion times, here's the link.
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