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Today has been an interesting day, full of ups and downs, to the point where I don't even know how to quickly summarize it.

The biggest thing to me is that I started back at school for my last university course ever (at least for this degree!)

Total mixed emotions where this is concerned though.

I'm excited to be going to school again, but also to graduate in June.

I'm lonely because all of my classmates are looooong gone, and I know no-one.

I feel old. OH so old...and that's just silly. I'm not old, I'm 26, but when I look around at the people in my class and think about how they were little first years the last time I was at school, I just...I don't know. Feel old. Especially when the girls beside me have a conversation like this:

A - I really like the taste of bananas, I just don't like the texture, you know?
B - Yeah, I get that too!
A - Yeah, like, they're really yummy, but they're just...you know?
B - Totally. It's like...you know?

Yeah, they were smrt.

And see, now I'm being a snob, because they took way better notes than I did, and might very well be the 90's students, but right now, I have them pegged at the 70 overall. Ach, I'm being a snob again! Sorry.

So I felt old at school, and frumpy, and unstylish. Well, the unstylish is true, but I don't have money to change it! Ha.

I won't even get into how overweight I felt. All I'll say is, How can you not feel enormous when you're surrounded by gloriously thin 20-year-olds? I was thin then too, so I shouldn't be jealous, and should just accept it for what it is if I'm not prepared to do something about it, but a part of me can't help but let my self-esteem take a hit.

Okay, there, that sums up my school experience today! Enough complaining. As Jeffrey R. Holland says, "There's no problem in life so bad that complaining about it won't make it worse!" SO true, but often so hard to live by! There's something satisfying about complaining, even if you feel worse after you do.

We haven't heard anything more about the house yet, but really we're just waiting for a date for the home inspection. As we're getting a snowstorm right now, I doubt it'll be any time in the next couple days.

But hey, SNOWSTORM!!! I love looking out over our city and seeing the sky all pinky-orange, knowing that the streetlights' light is reflecting off of the countless snowflakes falling from the sky. It amazes me how light the night-sky is during a snowstorm. And, while I don't look forward to shovelling tomorrow, I DO look forward to grabbing a hot chocolate and settling in to play a board game when Matt gets home in 20 minutes. I love home nights.

This post is all across the board right now, my apologies.

Elijah had an interesting day today, and I don't quite know how well it's going to go, with me having school every Tuesday afternoon. He only napped for 1/2 an hour this morning, so he was a bear for Matt, and by the time I got home at 4:45pm, Matt's eyes were starting to bug out, and he disappeared downstairs for some quiet, sane time while I fed Eli dinner. Part of me feels quite validated, but the other part knows that Matt already knew I find some days impossible, and him experiencing it doesn't make it any easier for supporting me.

I've been going a little crazy today too. Just now I started writing it all out, realized it was boring to read about, and deleted it, so here's the quick version:

(TMI, but...) you know that feeling where you can FEEL your period starting? I've been having that all day. With cramps. So I've been running to the bathroom, all blasted day. And nothing! Nadda. So I check my cervical position and for some annoying reason it's super-high, as if I'm either a) ovulating, or b) pregnant.

I take my last (EXPENSIVE...) OPK, and it's a little darker than normal, but not positive. CD29 people. I've been testing for 2 weeks now, and no, no surge. Now it's my last one, and it's going to go darker on me? Of course I want to test again, but that's another $35. Arg. And ugh. And maybe some more ARG.

HPT was negative this morning, despite my much squinting, and repeated re-checks.

I don't understand my body in the least. I've officially thrown in the towel. You win, Universe! I admit defeat!!

No really though, I AM frustrated, but I also know I'm over-analyzing everything. I really do need to just give it up, and leave it to Heavenly Father. As I said before, I have confidence that it will happen again at some point for us. I guess I was just hoping or thinking that, because selling the house is finally falling into place, that it's finally time for that to happen, that maybe, just maybe it was time for this to happen as well.

If it is? Oh gosh, words, can't express.

But if it isn't? Life will go on, I'm sure of it.

Matt's home now and he brought me some ginger molasses cookies from Tim Horton's. Oh how I love that boy! I'm going to go spend some time with him and enjoy this snowstorm we're getting. Here's hoping we'll be able to surface tomorrow!!