One

My little boy turned one yesterday, and it was, in a word, momentous. It's not every day you turn one, you know!

It was a great day, Elijah was so good, slept well, let me tidy, even let me prepare dinner!

Then Matt arrived home exactly when he began to be needed, and dinner went off without one single hitch. That has never happened before, and a small part of me is sad to not be hosting anything for the next couple years. Only a small part of me though! I find hosting things stressful and I don't enjoy myself nearly as much as everyone else does.

But enough about me, here's the birthday boy!

[caption id="attachment_590" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="This is his, "Oh mommy, you've GOT to try this stuff!" face."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_591" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I just love this photo."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_592" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="He needed a bath afterwards..."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_593" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="And just because he's cute, here's one more!"][/caption]

It was so strange to remember when he came into this world, and to think of how far he has come in a year. Things are far from perfect, but they're still good. He does NOT have a debilitating form of Spina Bifida. He's through with his 8-month run of constipation. He's so close to walking and talking. His allergy is so mild that I'm sure he'll grow out of it by the time he's 2.

And that's just physically! This little boy is such a gem, such a loving, snuggly, fun, crazy kid. I love him with all my heart, and am so thankful for him. In a way I feel guilt towards him when I think of how I'm pregnant again, like I won't be able to give him as much attention as he needs, or love him as wholly as I'd like to.

On the pregnancy front, I think it's starting to sink in. I'm trying to not feel the whole, "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" thing, because that prevented me from really enjoying the first 12 weeks of Elijah's pregnancy, and obviously everything turned out fine. Sometimes I do agree with that whole, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" mentality, but most of the time I think that it's horribly pessimistic, and you must be unhappy to live like that.

I've taken 5 tests so far, each getting progressively darker. It's very reassuring. Also, for Elijah's 12-month appointment today, I mentioned to my doctor about being pregnant, and requested some tests. We did an in-house urine test and even the doctor said I'm pregnant! That REALLY made it real, because she's not one to sugarcoat things.

We also found that I have a UTI, which is no fun, but I'm glad we caught it now.

One of the tests I requested was checking my progesterone levels. I try to not worry about it too much, but there is this nagging fear that, because of the whole previously mentioned luteal phase defect while nursing, that somehow my progesterone still isn't high enough and this pregnancy won't last without some help on that front. I hope I'm wrong, I hope it's fine. My doctor takes the thinking that, "If a pregnancy is going to end in a miscarriage, there is very little one can do about it anyway." I completely disagree!!! I mean, why else have fertility specialists, RE's, MFMs, etc??? But she didn't object to the test, so that's good. I'll find out the level, and then decide where to go.

Still so weird. I've told a couple friends in real life (hi Elizabeth!) and decided just today to tell family now too. I'm excited, and want them to be too. Also, it'll help with the sinking in thing.

Alright, I'm going to finish rambling now. I hoped that writing it out would help my brain to digest it all a little more, but it totally hasn't! Here's hoping for some good results after tomorrow's bloodwork.