Done!

And by done, I don't mean me or pregnancy, I mean the blanket I set out to make! I learned how to crochet 3 weeks ago today, I made 2 granny squares, and then set out to make this blanket. It was so easy, and so much fun! I was really worried about getting it finished by the time Baby Girl got here, but that is officially no longer a concern, it has been crossed off the "to do" list. And maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, now that it's done something in my body will trigger labour. Because I wasn't ready before. Hahaha, totally not happening (at least, it didn't work for Elijah...) but that's okay.

Anyway, my (or Baby Girl's) blanket. I love it. Love, love, love it. And I'm especially proud of the edging, which I just learned how to do last night after many an "ARG!" and "What the crap?!"

Here are some pictures:

[caption id="attachment_1080" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="In all its glory."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1081" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="A perspective shot with a Thomas train, so that you can see the actual size of it."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1082" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The pretty picot edging I learned how to do."][/caption]

These were the "before" photos, as in, before I tempted fate and put it through the wash. I know I could just hand-wash it, but I feel like baby blankets need to go through the wash. Elijah has drooled/puked/peed/spit up on his baby blanket, and I just...think it's gross if I can't wash that sort of stuff out in the washing machine. It does a much better job than I. So I took these photos as proof that, whether it unraveled or not, I really HAD made this pretty blanket, and it really WAS intact once upon a time.

And the good news? It's still intact after the wash cycle! So Baby Girl will get to use it at least once. I feel so little confidence in my own abilities, that I'm sure it'll fall apart one of these days, and when it does I'll cry. But in the meantime, it feels so good to have made something for my daughter. I would not lament having 2 boys, should this baby turn out to be a boy, but I would definitely be sad if all the pretty things I've been putting so much time into making were for the wrong gender. Because if this baby is a boy, and I had have KNOWN that, the blanket would not have been pink.

And one last thing about the blanket before I bore myself with all these details. Can I just say how proud I am to have done it all on my own? From learning to crochet in the first place to finishing my first ever project, I have been self-motivated and taught, and it feels so good. Ever since I mentioned learning to crochet and then making this blanket my mom has been asking to come up and show me some crochet tricks, which is very kind of her and I'd love to do so, but I honestly just wanted to finish this first. I wanted (and I think needed) to do this on my own, to feel independent, to boost my confidence, to look at it knowing no-one had a hand in it, and that I made that. I know it's pride at its best, not wanting anyone else to help me, and wanting the credit for every ounce of it, but it is what it is, and I'm glad I did it.

Now? Bring on the tips and tricks! Bring on the lessons and get-togethers and help. I don't think I'll mind from here on out.

Anyway, in other news, well...there really isn't much to report. My friend, Farrah, who was going to be here for when the baby is born, is now away for the weekend, and won't be home until Monday sometime. But then, when Monday hits, the MW I like a little less is on call (I still love her, but my favourite is on call until Monday) so I'd rather have the baby before then, but I still want Farrah there. It really sucks. Also, it's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend, and part of me loves that fact, and part of me hates it. It looks like I'll still be pregnant tomorrow to go to the craft show which thrills me, but at the same time, that's it. I had better go into labour that night. Because if I'm in labour on Monday when Matt's entire extended family is next door for dinner I'll go crazy. I feel like I wouldn't care if they all knew I was in labour, if only they weren't next door. What is it about that that bothers me so much? I don't know.

I dislike that so many things require my attendance this weekend, because it'll be impossible to go into labour and have the baby unnoticed, and I really didn't feel like doing the "Holly's in labour" shout-outs this time. I don't want Matt leaving to give updates, I just want to call once the baby is here.

Knowing my luck, this is all moot anyway, because she'll just come uber late like Elijah. Joel and Heidi were in town up to 12 days beyond my due date with Elijah, and when was he born? 13 days late. Yeah, they missed it by a day, and Heidi didn't get to meet him until he was 11 months old, at Christmas. :(

So yeah, I'm probably stressing over nothing. Or, she'll come super late simply BECAUSE I'm stressing about it.

This is going to sound snobbish of me, but I'm starting to get really annoyed, hearing about people who are due in October and have already had their babies. Well, that's not accurate. If they hit their due date, fine! But people who go a week or 2 early? SO not fair! And people who were due after me? What gives?!

Really, I'm happy for them, but anxious for me. I want this so much, unpreparedness and anxieties included. It feels impossible, that I'm already 2 days overdue, and even more impossible that it'll ever happen.

Anyway, I think I've rambled quite enough for now. I don't want it to turn negative and anxiety-ridden, because I'm actually doing well today, having finished my blanket, and knowing that it's the weekend.

Do you know what's weird? I feel this baby move, and she is so low right now. I feel like she's moving against my cervix, I can feel little rolls and shuffles, and it's strange to think that I haven't felt this my whole life, I'm so used to feeling it. What's even weirder, though, is that I know in the future I'll have a difficult time remembering what this feels like at all. I'll sit down and say, "Wow, I was pregnant! I felt all those things, and had a BABY inside of me!" and I'll be in awe and have a hard time recalling all the little details that are so present in my life right now. In my journal one day (before I started using this as my journal) I decided to write down every emotion, sensation, experience I could remember about pregnancy, just to remind myself that it really did happen with Elijah. The exercise worked, and I was grateful to have remembered so much. It's just wild to think that I'm going to have a hard time remembering NOW. Enjoying feeling the kicks but getting more excited to see her kick in person. Daydreaming about what she looks like versus knowing what she looks like.

Crazy pants.

Anyway, I'm going to finish this up, get some water, and look up baby hats to crochet. Because now I'm on a roll! Except I need to sew up that nursing cover tonight. Still though, YAY! I love life right now. It's so....good.

P.S. I finally managed to post the 39 and 40 week photos. I feel like my 40 week photo is huge, and that I don't really look that big, but people keep telling me I really am that big, so I guess it's accurate?? I dunno.