Remember, Holly, Remember...

...that being pregnant is tough.

First of all, there's the uncertainty of the first trimester. It's agonizing, to be honest. Exciting, yes, each week is kind of a big deal, but the constant worry that it'll all fall through your fingertips? The worry that, despite everything pointing towards a healthy baby, you might miscarry? It's hard. Okay, so telling people you're pregnant is exciting, but then there's the fact that people think you're further along than you are or that you're having twins (especially if you decide to not lose weight before getting pregnant...) not to mention constantly being asked how you're feeling. Without being pregnant, the attention is completely on Elijah and Abigail. No-one cares how you're feeling and recovering because they are so enamored with the cuteness of your beautiful children.

And while we're on the topic of the first trimester, you had better not forget how nauseous you felt with Abigail. Like, cucumber and cheese at 10:30pm? Just because you were going to puke if you didn't eat something? I know even writing that sounds like it'd be fun to do, but IT WAS NOT FUN! And not even having an appetite for pizza, wings, and chocolate cake? What the crap is up with that?

And vitamins. Ohhh the vitamins, and how annoying they are to remember to take. Especially once you're low on iron, and have to take 3 a day (or else feel the guilt of not taking them. Take your pick.) Also, with the iron, there's timing your meals so that you don't take the pills when you've just had dairy. SO annoying. And the effects of being low on iron? Yeah, NOT SO FUN! Short of breath, occasionally dizzy, heart palpitations, always tired.

And remember those times when Abigail would slow your digestion down so much that your stomach wouldn't empty, and you'd have a lovely day of sulphur burps, where your burps smell worse than Matt's worst farts? And you'd be embarrassed to just burp around anyone? And you actually had to burp more than normal, because it was causing all this gas? In a word, awful. I mean, sure you didn't get this with Elijah, but are you really going to even try to lose weight before getting pregnant next time? Because if you lose weight you miiiiight not get the sulphur burps, but it's really no guarantee.

Sciatic pain. Don't even get me started on this one. All I'll say is, remember waking up every 30 minutes to roll over when you were pregnant with Elijah? Awful. And then, because you decided it'd be great to get pregnant before toning your stomach muscles, you started experiencing sciatic pain at 10 weeks with Abigail!

Oh, and those pelvic floor muscles. Don't you dare forget how it hurt to go to the bathroom every time you sat on the toilet, from about 10 weeks on with Abigail. Maybe you should think of working on those kegel exercises before getting pregnant next time...

And the pregnancy stuffy nose sucked with both Elijah and Abigail! With Elijah it would get to the point where, you'd roll over at night because of your back, and then it'd take 5 minutes for your nose to clear so that you could breathe out of the free nostril, and then with Abigail everything just got dry and stuffy so that you couldn't breathe out of your nose until you'd picked it, because it was all just too dry to blow.

And water retention! By the end of Elijah's pregnancy you only had some size 10 sneakers and a pair of black shoes to wear, and neither of those fit by the end of Abigail's pregnacy because your feet swelled again, and had remained big from Elijah! Soooo you were left hoping and praying that you solitary pair of white, 2-season old flip flops from Garage would hold out until October.

And while we're on the topic of water retention, need I remind you of how much your nerves hurt? Just to touch your legs or feet was agony, feeling like your limbs were covered in black and purple bruises, and when Elijah stepped on your feet or kicked your leg (even by accident!) you would yelp in pain.

And here's where we get to the crux of the matter. When you were pregnant with Abigail, it was so hard to take care of Elijah. Sure, he got the essentials, like food, conversation, and a good snuggle now and then, but you couldn't take him to the park and chase him. You couldn't toss him in the air. You couldn't hold him at the phone or light switches. You could barely get on the floor to change his diaper. You couldn't lean over the tub to give him a bath. Remember how it broke your heart, knowing he wanted something you couldn't give him? Like the energy to do something more with him than sit around all day? How you wished you had the energy to take him to Zooz, the park, Cheeky Monkey's, etc? Or even just to go for a walk, or let him play outside. And bike rides! You were just too big and pregnant to go for a decent bikeride, and so you missed out on the whole summer! Sad!

And then there are the household things you couldn't do. Stand around and fold laundry, or do dishes, or make dinner? Forget about it! You could do a third of ONE of those tasks, but not all!

And for Matthew's sake, let's not forget the hormones. The irrationality, the nesting combined with things not happening fast enough combined with the worry, fear and anxiety. It's just...not fun. Matt always said that it'd all be better once you had the baby, and he was totally right, but you were too riled up to admit it, and thought he was saying something truly insulting, by not validating your feelings (**tear, tear, sniff sniff**)

So all of that? That's just how difficult it'd be to be pregnant again, except it's not. It's how difficult it was with 1 child, or no children. Imagine now, if you will, what it'd be like to be pregnant and have both Elijah AND Abigail to take care of, to feel like you're depriving.

Let's move on to labour and delivery, shall we? Pushing a baby out of you? The excruciating pain of tearing? Trying and trying to just get through that one contraction? It's tough stuff. (okay, I'm trying here, but really, labour and delivery is so short, and rather exciting, AND it went so well with Abigail, that I really don't have a case here. Skip this part.)

But RECOVERY! Oh gosh, do you really want to do recovery? Does that sound fun to you, you sicko? Stitches. Peeing with the peri-bottle. Not changing your pad fast enough and feeling like your muscles are about to drop out of your vagina. Trying to poop without having a hemorrhage. Walking! Just walking was pain at its finest. And all of this while taking care of Elijah AND Abigail. Night-time feedings with having to wake up at 7am for the day because hey, you're not having your first, and so you just have to deal with being ridiculously sleep-deprived. Feeling cooped up, wanting to go somewhere but not physically being able to. Being tired out and incredibly sore from one small trip to Walmart. Trying to sit on the pew at church with stitch-pain (like from Elijah's birth.) Constipation! Bleeding, pad-changing, nipple damage from nursing. In other words, no fun.

So the conclusion of all of this? Yes, pregnancy is wonderful and exciting, and of course having a baby is an amazing blessing. There are opportunities to grow closer together as a family, and it'll be wonderful when it happens again, but don't forget, don't ever ever forget that being pregnant is tough stuff. It's no walk in the park, and it's certainly not something to want just because you miss all of the fun, wonderful little stuff. It's a big decision, and not something to decide on lightly. It requires prayer, thought, and maybe a little attempt at planning. So for heaven sakes, don't just walk around moping because someone else is pregnant and you're not. You will be again, Heavenly Father willing, and it's okay if now is not the time. You'll survive. I promise.