I had my first in-clinic appointment (versus a home visit appointment...) yesterday since having Abigail. It was good to go in and see Kr (who delivered Abby) but strange at the same time, being there but on "the other side."
It's funny because throughout my whole pregnancy I would go in and try to due-date-guess. At first I just assumed everyone was due before me, but after a while it got really exciting to think, or know, that I was due before someone else. I was always a little envious of women who were due before me, that they were further along in the game and would meet their babies before me. And then there were women who already had their babies, and were in there juggling the carseat, diaper bag, binder, and baby, all while trying to nurse. For them, I'd try to think of what that baby's birthday was, how their birth experience went, how they're doing recovery-wise. I admit, I also tried to gauge how tired and frazzled these moms of new babies were. I loved seeing the women who were put together and doing it like a pro, and hoped to be one of those women (so naive, because I know now that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that a/being a new mom is hard, and b/you have no control over your recovery process, and recovery can affect pretty much ever facet of your life.)
Anyway, it excited me so much to think that someday I'd be one of the moms on the other side, who could wear the "been there, done that" t-shirt (figuratively, of course!)
And so when yesterday came, I was pretty excited. But do you know what the predominant feeling I had was?
SADNESS, of all things! I missed having the doppler put to my belly, hearing Abigail's heart beating, laughing as we saw her kick outwards from inside my belly, having next appointments and ultrasounds booked, talking about game plans.
I realized that it was so much simpler then, as plans always are in comparison to reality.
And of course, there was the sadness that I've already mentioned, that comes with knowing my time at the midwives' is drawing to a (rather rapid) close. It makes me really excited for when I'm pregnant again, and I know that will be a joyful time. In the meantime, though, I need to remind myself that pregnancy is a just a means to a beautiful end.
No, I can't feel Abigail kicking inside of me, but I can see her stretch with her arms over her head and her face scrunched up. I can watch as she tucks her knees to her chest whenever she is picked up and held against someone's chest. I can enjoy the thrill of her holding my finger tight while nursing.
No, I don't use a doppler to hear her heartbeat, but I recently discovered how amazing it is to put my head against her chest, listen to her heart that way, and marvel that it is the exact same heartbeat that I was hearing before. I haven't lost that at all, I've just gained and new and more exciting way of listening to it.
And things really are beautiful and good, so I need to turn my focus elsewhere, or else it's going to be hard to wait the 1.5-2 years to try again (well, 1yr. and 9mos. is my preference, but since when did people actually manage to have a say in these things? ;) )
So anyway, my appointment with Abigail.
We got talking so much about Abby that I never really got checked over, although KR did ask a few questions, such as, "How are you feeling," (great!) "How is your bleeding doing?" (slowed down, nothing overnight now, very minimal during the day) "Are you going to the bathroom okay?" (yep!) "Are your nip.ples sore at all?" (nope!) and "How do your stitches feel?" (I can't even tell they're there, they haven't hurt for a while!)
So maybe that's why I didn't get checked. Things are just...great. I jogged across the parking lot yesterday (it was raining) and half-way to the car I thought, "Hey, I'm jogging!" And then at our ward's Halloween activity I was trying to get Elijah to come to me so I squatted down, and while I was squatting I thought, "What the heck?! I hurt myself squatting down 2 MONTHS after having Elijah! I didn't even realize I was squatting this time, and I'm still not hurting!" And today the squatting still hasn't affected me, so I'd say that's doing well too. SO weird, having recovery go so well when with Elijah it was bad. The thing is, though, I didn't know I had a bad recovery with Eli until now, I thought it would be like that every time. SO glad it's not the case.
Abigail is doing well, too, although not quite as well as her mommy. She's still gaining a sufficient amount of weight (up to 10lb 3.5 oz, so an increase of 5.5oz in 9 days) but considering how well she was going before, Kr was a little disappointed, and is suggesting not letting her go two 4-hour stretches at night now. Before we weighed her she said it was fine, but afterwards she did suggest waking Abby to feed 2-3 hours after the 1st 4-hour stretch. I did so last night, and I'm hoping it helps and that this is not something to worry about. We've been doing so well with nursing (so I thought) and it kindof scares me to think that she might not be getting enough and that I had no clue. Am I taking how well things are going for granted? I don't know. It's so minor at this point that I really don't have a place to worry considering what others have to go through, but I'm still concerned that it's a slippery slope towards a diminished and insufficient milk supply.
So the solution is to do what Kr suggested and come back in 1 week rather than 2 to have Abigail weighed again. And maybe have my stitches looked at and removed if needs be.
So that's where we stand baby-wise.
Other than that, I've just been busy not being busy. I'm working on a crocheted hat for Abby, and I'm trying out the cream of carrot soup tonight. We'll see how that goes. I still have 5 loads of laundry to fold (since Saturday...haha) but I've been pretty busy every day, and haven't had a chance to do it. Except for in my free time, which I use to crochet. ;) I'm home tonight, though, so we'll see if Matt can hold the fort for an hour while I sort out the laundry situation.
And I just realized I started rattling off my chores, and you know a post has become boring when I make plans for my husband to hold the fort while I fold laundry..... ;)
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